by cyberjesus 21 Replies latest jw friends
"i know your faith is a comfort to you"
alowing them to believe what they believe
in no way makes you an accomplice to it
then offer to be a flesh and blood support
doing the things rebel8 suggested....
clean their house, ask them if there is someone
who will be taking care of their pet yada yada
Let’s face it whatever we personally choose to believe none of us know for sure what happens when we die so why cause more pain to others at such a time.
We all feel regret about forcing JW nonsense in people faces in the past so let’s not make the same mistake with whatever new belief we now have.
Perhaps rather than worrying about what is to come we should make the most of now, show the person they are loved and that we are there for them.
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift that is why it is called the present!"
As a resident "christian" (may you all have peace!)... I'd like to comment, if I may... thank you!
I've lost both my mom and dad... and over the years have known a few who were diagnosed with terminal illness. I've also known some who had illnesses that were severe... but recoverable, although perhaps unknown at the time. I've never gone the "see you in heaven" route; that has never sat well with me... and I couldn't do the "see you in the new system," thing when in the WT because that wasn't my "hope" as the WT teaches it (I have since learned different). Even though such may be of comfort to some (though I'm not sure because for some this is the time when their faith is REALLY being put to the test... and so they lose it, under the circumstances)... I couldn't go there.
The one thing I HAVE talked about, time permitting (it did with my mom, who succumbed after a 13-month battle with cancer... sort of did with my dad; he had an unexpected stroke/heart attack and was "brain dead" almost immediately, but we had a great relationship through the years and I although the doctors said he couldn't hear me, I told him what he meant to me - my hope was that he would recover, so)... is what THAT person has meant to ME... how they've effected MY life... and how grateful I am that they are IN it. I talk from a perspective of "now"... not "then." I did this when my son was critically ill at age 10. He was terrified, of course, because the diagnosis was "an abdomen FULL of cancer" (turns out, it wasn't cancer at all)... and that he was going to die... and I didn't want him to think about "then." He didn't need that added stress.
I don't know anyone who is that kind of ill today (that I am aware of)... but because of the death of my parents and what I went through with my son, I endeavor to call my children, my loved ones, my friends... regularly... and TELL them what they mean to me... and have meant to me. That I love them... and am GRATEFUL to have them in my life. I tell my husband every day. Yep, every single day. That I am the "better" person because of HIS/THEIR presence IN my life... now. I do it now... because I may not be able to later. I want them to get my "flowers" NOW... and not after they've died.
At first, my husband and friends were... well, I think skeptical might be the right word. Eventually, though, as they come to know me... they know that saying such things is "me." My children have always known it... and have always reciprocated.
I do this because it is the TRUTH... how they have affected me/my life... even if it's a small thing... and because it is what I would want folks to do for/talk about with me, should the time arise - do/did I have ANY positive impact/influence on their life... at ANY point? Even if it was a small thing, let me know about it, as it might lead me to do greater things for those I love. I try to remember something they did/said, etc., and tell them about it.
Because I believe that THAT is what my life at THIS time is all about... what makes my life having been worth living: how I may have "touched" others. Not because of my faith or my "religion"... but because of my actions... which are a manifestation of my faith.
And my children, loved ones, friends... and husband... appreciate it. I know because they tell me. And they reciprocate. Some say that my call came "right on time." And at some time or another they ALL call me and say the same kinds of things. And I am blessed because of it. As I've shared with others here... I know love and what it is to be loved.
My advice, for what it's worth? TELL the people you love... that you love them. Don't be ashamed of it - rather, be courageous and brave about it. Tell those who have affected your life in a good way that they have affected it, and how. Tell those who are "leaving" this life what you appreciate IN them and about them... how their lives ARE of value to YOU. Because both they AND YOU will benefit from it. And if you have something "against" someone... against ANYONE... LET IT GO. Because THIS life is just too short. Way too short. And there is just no benefit in holding onto offenses. Doing so may shorten YOUR life.
I bid you all peace.
A slave of Christ,
SA
I haven't read all the replies, but my 2 pennies:
No matter how long each of us have on this earth, I love you and you are always/forever in my heart.
Though none of us know how long we really have, I have enjoyed and treasure every memory I have with you.
You are a wonderful person with great strength and courage. I will always remember you with fondness, great respect and love.
Your eternal friend...
If it someone I Like.. I try to comfort them..
If it someone I don`t like I`ll say..
"So, I hear your going to die..Good..I hope it`s long and painful..I don`t care if you have a nice day.."
Why lie to them?..
......................... ...OUTLAW
MOUTHY - tell Outlaw to go to his room!
Very nice Aguest. I agree that we should honor them with what they believe and comfort them with all words positive.
Blueblades
After losing a brother to pancreatic cancer a few years ago it taught me a lesion about such situations, if you know what the persons core belief is then help them to hold fast to it. It is my personal belief that everyone will be resurrected (revived again either here on earth or in heaven). The dying one needs strength to keep his own personal resolve whatever it may be, that he or she has entertained throughout their life, to change change their resolve during that weekend state is unloving and unkind. The great life giver will in the finial analyses return life to everyone who has died by means of the ransom of his son. Soon we, all the living and the resurrected ones can rejoice in having our first real chance at enjoying life as it should be, progressively attaining perfecting in body, heart, and communion with god.
Praise be to God for giving us freely his amazing grace (kindness) in this way.
It has already been mentioned, but bears repeating, that the simple FACT of the matter is that NOBODY knows what happens when we die. So I think out of a kind heart and a desire to bring comfort, perhaps play on that angle of the unknown hope. Whether it may or may not be truth, there is no actual harm in HOPING or believing that there is something better after we die (even if that "better" place is peaceful nonexistant sleep).
The most anyone can really do in the face of someone who is dying is to be as good a friend as possible to them. Make sure you show how much you care about them while there is still time and try to do whatever you can to give them as many good moments as possible. Support them in their own beliefs, even if you don't agree with them, as this is something that reaches to the core of a person and can help ease many pains and fears.
Put yourself in their shoes and try to imagine how you would want people to treat you.
And if they are so bold as to ask you what's going to happen to them when they die, give them the only honest answer you can give: "I don't know"....but don't leave it at that, thus causing the potential for fear. Rather, perhaps add to that: "but it has to be better than what's happening now".
Just my humble input. :-)
Thanks of all of you for your honest answers. Its is difficult for some of us to face this dilemma when before we had expectations ourselves. And now wer really have no clue of what to say or what will happened after death. It is something to think about because we will encounter the situations sooner or later. Someone will need comfort and we cant give them an answer of comfort based on future expectations. And that makes it difficult when we trully respect someone who is going to die and that person still believes in an afterllife.
Light will become clearer :-)
