I know what you are feeling.IMHO,what is happening is you have started the greivimg and mourning perios that begins when we make a majot life change. it's perfectly natural to feel that way,as you are leaving that part of life behimd you.Those old maladaptive anchor points of JWdom.
Now is the time to take care of yourself.Reach out to others,volunteer work,join a book or exercise club,anything that will get you re -connected w/ the mainstream of life.
Feel free to mail m anytime,Im a good listener,and in private not quite the board persona you see. luv,Tina
Having someone to confide in is very important. It is clear that that is what you need. Unfortunately one cannot just "mail order" a new best friend that listens.
May I break a few social taboos and recommend Talk Therapy? Before DAing myself I used it and was also prescribed Zoloft (antidepressant). The herb “Saint John’s Wort” also helped a lot (You can get that at any pharmacy or even Wal-Mart). Those are what helped me get though my leaving the Org. You would be surprised how much Talk Therapy helps. Before you go though, forget all of the "Hollywood” stereotypes about therapy. You should also “shop around” for a therapist you like.
My situation is different from yours, but still applicable. I was a third generation JW, but never really believed in the supernatural. I spent my life playing along and pretending, but eventually got exhausted of living the lie. I guess you can say that I was a “Closet-Atheist”. My symptoms of depression and self-destructive behavior got so severe that I was evicted from my apartment and almost lost my job. The idea of disappointing my family along with the prospect of loosing my family and friends terrified me – not to mention the social stigma of the “A” word.
The Talk Therapy can help you draw out your emotions and feelings to confront and resolve them. Loosing almost everyone I knew was very hard, but I did get through it. It has been three years and I’m just now starting to get a new circle of friends. I must admit that I did have a bit of an advantage in that I am a solitary person and do not have the same need of companionship as most people.
People who know me now describe me as a one of the most mild and levelheaded persons they have ever met.
yep yep looks like everyone else here has already covered most all of what I can say cuz all the experiences have a similar tone...my story aint much different..maybe the parituclars but the shunning and the isolation took a lot of getting used to. My parents and sis STILL to this day only have minimal contact with me or my daughter, their first and only grnadchild at this point, been almost 10 years for me and my my daughter is gonna be 1 in feb...yah it hurts...These people on these boards have become to me an extended worldwide family that has UNCONDITIONAL love for all of us in these situations. I have become one of em...cyber hugs aint very much PHYSICAL comfort but it comes with honest support. STAY STRONG! It will be ok...one day...guess we will all find out together whether it will be ok for us or not...til then....SMILE! (grin) heh heh heh...chuckle...hmm my straightjacket kinda feels funny in here...POWER TO FLOWER!
Dear Flower, I know that I am very new to the group but it really worries me what I hear coming from you. It makes me feel afraid for you. Are you having thoughts of doing yourself harm? You sound so desperate. It appears to me that you could need some medical help for your depression. Sometimes no matter how much support we have or what our faith is ,our brain can be in a biochemical state that needs medication to help it pull out of the depression it is in.Believe me I have been there.I attempted suicide once and the second time went to the er to get help because i was afraid I'd do it again.You know there are a lot of supportive people here. Sometimes though ,It's very hard to make yourself do anything to help yourself.I want you to promise me you'll call your doctor and just tell him you are depressed and can't shake it. My e-mail is Spamster@co-serv.net. write me ,let me know how you are. XOXOXO Pamela
Flower don't feel lonely. You have so many people here who care about. Let me give you a big hug over the computer...((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))). There doesn't that feel better.
Don't I have posted many things I regretted later.
"I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to."
William H. Macy - "Magnolia"
Flower, you can find comfort in Jehovah.
Meditate on these beautiful scriptures, found in Lamentations 3:20-30
20 I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. 21 Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this:
22 The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
23 Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!"
25 The LORD is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him.
26 So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the LORD.
27 And it is good for the young to submit to the yoke of his discipline.
28 Let them sit alone in silence beneath the LORD's demands.
29 Let them lie face down in the dust; then at last there is hope for them.
30 Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them. Let them accept the insults of their enemies.
I don't know you but sure know those feelings. I envy you. I know that sounds funny but I remember the feelings of discovery, fear, pain, excitement and freedom of starting over. After a while those feelings will subside and you will be "normal". But you will never be the same. *sigh* That's a good thing. Some people really miss the stability but why do we like roller coasters? Why do we like mystery movies? We love life and all the variety it offers. Don't miss out on the positive aspects of your new life change. Take advantage of the new freedoms you have but take small steps. Go see an R rated movie and deal with that twinge of guilt. Read a book on philosophy. You don't even have to buy the book. In fact, I wouldn't recommend it unless you really like it. Just go to the book store and sit down and explore for a couple of hours.
We all fear the unknown because we have the instinct to survive. All animals fear things they aren't familiar with. Humans experience this same fear. That's why it's so important for you to learn as much as you can about the "real" world as soon as you can. After a while the fear will deminish. Talking to others face to face who have been through the same thing also helps. Helping others who are in a similar situation also helps. Try posting to a newbie and telling them some of your experiences.
There are so many opportunities open to you now that were never there before. You don't have to choose the whole course of your life right now. Just have fun exploring.
Keep in mind that those who shun you are doing what they think is best for you. I know that's not pleasant but remember that they still love you even when they don't act like it. Many of us are going through the same thing with our families and what I've seen is that, in many cases, they don't leave the Borg but they do change a little in their treatment of you when they realize that being mean to you doesn't work. Just give them your love. You don't have to hate them just because they are still trapped in that religion.
Remember that even though the people here haven't met you they do love you and feel for you. They are also feeling happy when they see the progress you've made exiting the cult.
You've gotten a lot of cyber hugs which I personally love, but you should hug yourself. You are as special and unique person and you deserve the best.
PS. one more word of advice....You might want to stay away from other religions for a while. You are still in a vulnerable spot right now and there are many religions like the JWs who will take advantage of that. Trust in yourself. You have all it takes to make it.