love and they go hand and hand?

by gilwarrior 26 Replies latest social relationships

  • gilwarrior

    As some of you know, I few days ago I lost my virginity. Since then me and my lady friend have had sex two more times. However, I have no romantic feelings twords her. She told me that she has no romantic feelings for me either, but that she still would like to continue having sex with me. This would sound great to some people, but this situation has left me feeling empty. I don't really have any desire to have sex with her anymore. I feel the need to move on. What could this possibly mean? I love the sex I am having with her, but I want love as well. Am I being selfish or should I be happy with what I have? All input would be appriciated.

  • hippikon

    Speaking personaly: Sex without love is empty and meaningless. I wouldnt have sex with anyone I didnt love.

    Sorry to all the ladys I have just left broken hearted (as if)

  • Mindchild

    Just wait a week or two without any sex and when you are as horny as hell, ask yourself about your values then! Things can dramatically change when you realize you are a sexual creature. You can pretend to be Peter Pan if you like but looking back on my own life....well let's say I would have been a little more interested in playing around.

    Okay, I lied. A lot.


  • Skeptic

    There is nothing wrong with sex with someone you are not in love with, as long as you both are honest about it. Both of you have been honest, so if you enjoy it, continue.

    If you want sex and love, pursue it as well. Eventually you will find it. But in the meantime, don't run away from any sex. Sex is a very beautiful and natural thing.

    If you are honest with your partner, and grant your partner the same freedoms you want, you can continue to have sex and date other people until you find love.

    Many of my friends have an arrangement where when one is horny and needs sex, they phone up a friend and ask them over for sex. The friend complies. Later, when the friend needs some sex, he will ask for the favor to be returned.

    Makes sense to me.


  • Abaddon

    Sex is better with love. The emotional bond adds to the intensity.

    But that does not mean, for me, that sex without love is meaningless... hell, I've had GREAT recreational sex.

    But your opinion is exactly that; yours. What's good for me is not neccesarily good for you.

    People living in glass paradigms shouldn't throw stones...

  • JanH


    Sex fuels love, so love with sex (or is it vice versa?) is great. Sex is also perfectly fine without love. The problem, as I see it, is when one party is in love, while the other wants a purely sexual relationship. It leads to all sort of grief for both. Having sex can then be emotionally exhausting for the person who is in love, and you may feel you have to end the relationship. Problem is, of course, when hormones rage and you have a great, willing partner waiting for you, you tend to go back. Then the grief continues.

    - Jan
    "Doctor how can you diagnose someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and then act like I had some choice about barging in here right now?" -- As Good As It Gets

  • cellomould

    here's a guy who had too much recreational sex:

  • Abaddon

    cellomould; I know the French call orgasm the 'petite mort', but I think that's going too far!

    Recreational sex has as much to do with death as driving cars... in fact, it has less to do with death than driving cars, as people are more likely to die from a car related injury than as a result of recreational sex.

    In fact, living in the USA is more likely to result in death from a firearm wound than from recreational sex, if my recall of statistics is correct.

    And smoking, well, we all know that's more likely to kill you than recreational sex.

    And sex in a relationship can kill you just as dead as recreational sex.

    Obviously, people should practice safer sex, but scare-mongering (if that's what you were doing - maybe I just didn't get the humour) does nothing other than distort reality to fit the frame the mongerer want's it to fit.

    People living in glass paradigms shouldn't throw stones...

  • cellomould

    or perhaps not enough, Abaddon ;)

    i am totally joking ---
    really just testing my new pic for my profile

    "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke

  • ashitaka

    If you're empty, then find love. But, keeping the sex in the meantime is quite a thing. Don't give it'll regret that.

    If you're emotionally lonely, then look for someone who you will love, and make love to.


    p.s.-getting to the question-yes, they go hand in hand, IF you're in love, if not, no.

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