Ok so I travelled home last weekend to break the news to my mum about my engagement to a 'wordly' man.
To be honest, I chickened out and instead of confronting her face to face, I decided to write a long letter to her about it.
We have never really got on and she has a knack for getting on my nerves. She was very emotionally abusive throughout my childhood (and can still be). I guess she had her reasons although it doesn't excuse the behaviour.
Anyway I tried to be as diplomatic as possible. Praised her for her efforts in raising me. She did the best that she could etc. Sympathised with her marital problems. Then told her about my guy and our decision to get married. Told her I understood that she might feel concerned, upset and worried and these were natural reactions, but I've made my decision and I hope that she will learn to accept it some day soon.
Since this would bring into light my 'loyalty' to the org, I tried a lame attempt at some damage control. Don't think it worked very well. Quoted scriptures and WT articles about how we are all responsible for examining our faith and beliefs and shouldn't just accept everything that is told. I would be a hypocrite if expected other people to examine their beliefs but never did the same for mine. All this in depth study is quite tedious and I just wanted a 'time out' which is why I haven't been attending the meetings.
The next morning she confronted me about the letter. Thankfully there was no screaming, shouting or drama involved, mainly because I had written that I didn't want that to happen. As expected she was visibly angry, hurt, disappointed, worried and a whole lot more. She asked me questions about my fiance. I didn't hint at us being atheists.... put him down as a protestant (can always later say that he is an inactive one!!). She was quick to ask, so is he going to make you convert!? I said no, of course not. Does him and his parents know about you being a JW? I said yes they do. And what did they say about that? They didn't say anything. They don't mind at all.
She asked about his age and I tried to shave off a few years but it was still a large enough gap to make her exclaim What?! Couldn't you find anyone else?!
LOL!
She later asked to see a picture of him but I said I'd do that next time I visited. Didn't want to hit her with too much on one day. I'm sure she'll have some great scathing comments about his appearance!
Anyhoo, then she got onto the topic of me and said stuff like, you've not been attending the meetings while you were in the UK, even though the KH was so close to you. If you were, you would have found a good brother there blah blah. Do you know what could happen to you if people find out about this? You'll be disfellowshipped blah blah. Anyway, I came into the 'truth' after getting married. I didn't know any better. You were raised in the truth and you know what you're supposed to do. You'll have to answer to jehovah. So now you're giving up everything? I just said no and left it at that. Didn't want to get into a long drawn out pointless conversation as she is not going to understand my reasons and I don't want to bring out all the 'evidence'.... yet.
Then she got all worked up about the memorial coming up and how I had to go and once I got back to my present place, I should phone up the brothers and sisters and find out where the congregation is, take time off work etc etc. I didn't quite have the heart to say no, so I said I'll see what I can do.
So I've said what I've had to say. We've spoken on the phone a couple of times since then and she hasn't brought up the topic of fiance or jw stuff. Maybe she was being relatively 'calm' because she was probably reeling in shock from all the news lol
I guess the next time we meet or I go home, she'll have some real fireworks waiting for me!
Thing is, since I've been in a similar cult mindset, I can totally understand how she is feeling right now and the thoughts going through her head and if I'm honest, I feel bad for making her feel sad... she's probably blaming herself, and feeling more depressed. Her marriage is over and now her daughter is leaving the 'truth'. It's a horrible thing, but I can't live a lie and I'm not going to let a good man pass me by because of a cult.
I've been making an extra effort since then to be nice and understanding. I phone her up often and listen to her chats and rants so she feels valued. Also wrote in my letter that I'm sorry if any of this makes her feel hurt and that is not my intention. I want her to be happy in life and no matter what happens I still love her and will always be there for her. I hope all that helps in some way but it still won't take away the 'sting'.
I never wanted to intentionally disappoint either of my parents, especially my mum since she has been through some shitty times thanks to my dad (but also because of the cult but she doesn't see that). I so would love to shake her out of it and reach the 'real' her but I know that won't happen any time soon... or may never happen at all... and it hurts coz I don't want her to grow old and pass away thinking 'my daughter will die at Armageddon and I'll never see her!' instead of focusing on the here and now and making our relationship count.
I just feel bad for causing her so much pain. But she will never know that because she is probably convinced that satan has taken a hold of me or that I am a heartless rebel against jehovah and her and so on :(
Thanks for reading my rant!!!