how do you stop crying......

by flower 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • IslandWoman


    Some time ago I read an article that advised those who had lost a mate to wait before making any major decisions such as selling their house, etc. The reason was that they might be acting on pure emotion, wanting to get away from painful memories but afterwards they might regret their decision.

    I think it's the same with the awful realization that JWs are not what we thought they were, its a shock, a kind of death. It takes time to cope, to gain our equilibrium.

    Think things through. If there is some special place you enjoy visiting such as a park etc., go there often and find some peace there.

    Never act out of emotion, only with your head.

    I hope all the best for you,

  • flower

    thanks i appreciate all the advice. i'm definately taking it to heart. glad to know i'm not alone anymore


  • VeniceIT

    If you find out Flower let me know!!! It took me a good 6 weeks of sobbing sparaticly for that to finally stop. I think it's good that you can cry though, your releasing the emotions and not holding them in. That can be dangerous for you emotionaly.

    I know you don't want to hear it'll take time, but sometimes there are reasons things are said so much, it's true.
    I wish you the best and so glad you found us here, hope we can help!


    PS am I the only one who saw the irony in someone who's screen name that says 'Waiting' said "It gets better, and it doesn't take that long....really." HAHHHAHAHHHA sorry couldn't resist

    "Injustice will continue until those who are not affected by it are as outraged as those who are."


    Hey flower,The truth about the "truth" sucks big time eh?I was brought up in that miserable shit,it`s been decades,and I`m still pissed with those bastards!I still have family in there and if I say anything even remotely anti-dub their brain turns off.So I must be patient to get them out.Yes it hurts,but thats the way it go`s when you start to use your common sense.I don`t know if it ever go`s away,but I am hopeing...OUTLAW

  • Simon

    It helps if you can do something positive with the anger that the WTS caused. Weith me its this forum, for you it may be totally different. As long as you do something (doesn't matter how big or small) and not just be 'angry' at the situation then I'm sure you'll be fine. I hope so anyway.

  • Kristen
    how do you stop crying....

    It has been two weeks since you started reading this board. It's a lot to take in, isn't it? Overwhelming sometimes, but hard to break away once you start feeling validation to your own REAL thoughts through the hearts and minds of other people.

    It was difficult for me to post on any XJW board for a long time because of my uncertainty whether what I learned from the organization was true or not. How to acknowlege the "stuff" that was hard to accept regarding the history, predictions, and changed policies that affected so many lives ... I didn't simply read and believe everything. It took time to sort through facts and emotional overtones that often accompanied posts, Web sites, and e-mail messages. It took time to look at things objectively from others. It was something that I had to do in my own time table, not because the other posters on the boards already believed things to be a certain way. Educating yourself, like so many urge, is a big key to all of this. And so is time.

    Being a JW was all I knew from the time I was conscious of life until I hit my mid-20s. Tuesday and Thursday nights, and Sunday mornings were always filled with meetings. Holidays and B-days were non-existent. Non-JWs were "worldly" and would die at Armageddon. And I hoped that I "probably" would be saved if I did everything the organization told me to. I married young and didn't know how to live as an adult in this "system." The end was supposed to happen a long time ago. But it didn't. Something inside me changed when I started venturing outside the "box" that the organization puts us all into. I think you have found your way out of the box too, and now you need to learn how adjust to life outside of it. You will, we all have.

    Don't expect so much from yourself so soon. Many people around here have been engaged in their own process of *not* being a JW for many years and are far removed from the initial feelings you are experiencing. You will reach a similiar place in your own time, and it will not always be easy. Many here have very different belief systems than they used to. You are not obligated to adopt any of them or quickly change your own beliefs if you are comfortable with them.

    Just be you.

    We *learned* so much being JWs by just reading paragraphs, parroting the answer to the footnote questions from the paragraphs and reading a few 'supporting' scriptures. It has all been nicely packaged and marketed to us. Promises of wonderful things, answers to age-old questions and dilemmas. And a hope that would appeal to most everyone.

    It's not easy questioning all of that, or turning your back on it. It's scary. It's going against everything you've ever known. And the qualities that have been instilled in your heart, mind, and behavior can't just be turned off like that. It will take time, and we all get impatient at times. This is one of those times where you need to go with the flow, and listen to your heart too. If it gets to be too much, take a break. Limit your time on this board or time you spend reading and researching if you need to. It will all be here waiting for you when you are ready for it again. You have so much time ahead of you to absorb all of this.

    I really wish you well, Flower. Six years ago I didn't quite understand that in *time* things would be okay for me. Now I do. You will too. It's a process that you take one day at a time.

    Take care,

  • Billygoat


    Just keep at it hon. I know it's hard and painful and frustrating and sad. Many of us TOTALLY understand where you're coming from. But just keep at it and give yourself some time. Just remember This too shall pass. A month from now, you'll look at things differently. Even more so six months from now and so on. Time is a great healer. Until then, just keep coming here for comfort and knowledge and keep at it. We'll be here for you!


  • ARoarer

    Dearest Flower, the pain, betrayal, and all the many emotions you are experiencing are feelings we all have felt here. Please know that what you are going through is a grieving process. You are suffering from loss. A loss of a beloved belief sytem that you trusted and lived by. Honor those feelings Flower, and allow yourself to feel them. It is something Watchtower discourages. Don't feel, just do. You are in the beginning stages of healing from being in a cult that controls your thoughts, opinions and every single decision you make in your life as a cult member. Your sadness will change. There are 5 stages of grieving losses. Shock, Sadness, Anger, Bargaining, Acceptance. Shock is kind of in the denial stage, I can't believe this, Sadness and Anger, can be very hard, leaves you into self harming tendencies sometimes. This can include isolation and deep depression, numbing through alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, unsafe relationships, and ever thoughts of being better off dead. Fight this part of you grief, Flower, and find self soothing things to do. Bargaining is a stage that is also hard. It is the feeling of could have should have would have, why didn't I, If only...... Don't even go there. Soon Acceptance will come and emancipaton follows. In the meantime, find new things to bring you joy. Do things you never allowed yourself to do that you always wanted to try. For me it was horses, reading, and especially enjoying wonderful friendships with "worldly" people. There truly is goodness in people, and I have found that "worldly people" have the same concerns we all have, but are not judgemental. Most of all Flower, trust your inner instincts in the pit of your stomach. They don't lie if we really listen. We were long conditioned not to so this is something new. And God Bless you Flower. There is friendship, and support here, and yes sometimes anger and crude discussions but here you will be free to express your opinions without punishing consequences, and ostircizing. Welcome.

  • Will Power
    Will Power

    The help available on this board is amazing.
    "There are 5 stages of grieving losses.
    Shock, Sadness, Anger, Bargaining, Acceptance."
    Its been 3 years (I think) its been such a blur. There is alot of crying & emptiness. after lurking for about a year I finally got up the nerve to post, never my "story" tho. I am paranoid of getting caught. Not much interaction but I'm real good at doing things the wrong way the first time (& even 2nd or 3rd!).
    You seem to be off to a good start whether you realize it or not right now, just by typing out your feelings.
    SUPPORT which you have here is the key to getting to the "acceptance" stage. Not many others can relate, or even have a clue what you're so upset about, let alone offer a shoulder, or good advice based on experience.
    Take it slow, educate yourself, and remember you are not alone.

  • Julie

    If is it any help, the crying will pass and you will get your fight back, eventually. It works that way with all severe disappointments. If you happen to be in the Northern Michigan area, drop me a mail, I can help you dear and would be glad to. My e-mail box is open, always.

    Warm regards,

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