New to all of this

by Ghiagirl 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Ghiagirl
    I was raised in the truth my whole life, my immediate family are jws and my moms mom is a witness as well as my fathers mom. Other than that the rest of my family are non jws. I was raised very balanced, my parents never forced the truth on me or my siblings like most of my friends parents did getting baptized at ridiculous ages! My parents like to drink and have a good time and weren't witness freaks as I have always called them! Haha We tried to make most meetings as well as once in a while do family worship and go out in service. We have always been pretty average active witnesses. Pretty much my whole life going to meetings I always had something in the back of my mind, knowing, well when I turn 18 I don't know if this is what I want. I always just wanted to live a normal life and be a normal kid/ teenager. I longed to go to parties in high school, go to prom and all the dances, go hang out with kids from school and not be so different from everyone. Apparently this thinking was wrong and I needed to only have witness friends and only hang with boys if chaperoned. The older I got the "worse I got". My family had always moved a lot so we never had a set group of witness friends we grew up with so it was always just me and my siblings. Until high school we settled in Orange County. All of a sudden I had all these friends and it made going to meetings and not having friends at school easier. That didn't last long! I realized shortly how phony baloney these people were, everything was about image! My sister and I were the outcasts because we weren't baptized yet. It was such a joke and although young and blinded somewhat, I always knew I knew something or felt something different than everyone else. The number one thing I always questioned was, if we all feel so strongly about the truth and believed it so wholeheartedly, isn't that how everyone else feels about their religion or their god? So we KNOW this is the truth, but don't they feel the exact same way, how do we know we are right? It just didn't make sense to me. Anyways my sister was the perfect witness daughter who obeyed and did whatever she was told, I however was considered "bad" because I wanted to be a normal teenager! The older I got the more I knew I didn't want this, not so much because I didn't believe it but because I wanted to be "normal". I got in trouble multiple times for messing around with guys here and there. It truly makes me sick thinking back and how they ask exactly what you did, even my parents asked step by step and I told them!!! How stupid of me. But that's what happens you feel sick with guilt and that's how I felt my whole life. And what for what? Hooking up with guys? I wasn't baptized so I never got publicly in trouble but it happened 3 different times either cause I got caught or felt guilty. When I was 18 going on 19 I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to sit my parents down and tell them I didn't want to go to meetings anymore, I had started smoking some weed here and there and hanging with friends from college more and more but having to lie about it. I was just sick of living a life being guilty about nothing! I really wasn't a bad person just a teenager. It was the hardest thing I ever did! After I told them I wanted to take it all back but I knew there was no going back and I had to move out. They asked if they can do anything to change my mind but I said no. Moved out with a friend my family continued to give me money each week until I finished college which was only a couple months away. We talked here and there but pretty much just them saying to come back. I planned on going and living the life I wanted and not feeling guilty about! However, immediately after leaving I met my now husband who was an inactive brother. I had been hanging out with a couple from my family's hall who weren't very strong in the truth so they still talked to me after I moved out and I met my hubby, he was not going to meetings and we hit it off right away and dated for about a year on and off, then the pressure started coming from out families. It was such a scandal we were living together!!! Our family's were both in the same hall too!:/ oops. Haha. Trying to make this a long story short sorry this is so long, we basically went back to meetings for our family, my hubby had stopped going before because of being discouraged by the brothers and sisters, but we did it and got right with the elders and went back for about a year, however we were still living together the whole time. My heart wasn't in it when we started going back. But I missed my family and so did my hubby. We then decided we were going to move back to our family's hall.....big mistake. The family drama was horrid, the brothers started harrassing us about dating because I was not baptized. It got to the point where both of our entire families, not to mention he had multiple siblings married with kids in the hall, but they brought everyone in the back room for a secret meeting about my then boyfriend and I! Even though we both lived on our own! They told our families if we continued dating and not listening to the elders and they associated with us there would be a marking talk about it!!!!! At that point my hubby and I were done, we already were sick of having to tip toe around everyone being called out if we missed meetings, saying we needed to have chaperones which we never did. It was just plain stupid. In the midst of all of this, my relationship with my family was already bad because thy didn't approve of my hubby. So after our family got pulled in the back we stopped going to meetings....then guess what happened. I got pregnant! Icing on the cake right? We never stepped foot back in the hall but you can be sure that the elders were allllllll over it. The called and texted a million times, sent certified letters, then finally at 7:00 at night showed up at our doorstep with another letter, that next week my hubby was df'd. They were on a mission and it makes me sick! We both refused to meet with anyone. Although I am not baptized we are both now being shunned by both our families. It's very upsetting and sad. At first I was sad, then angry! What god wants family to cut off their children or siblings! My hubby is done for good and feel my eyes have been opened but it's so hard to think what I've known my whole life isn't right. But I see the people and elders and families and how they act and it's truly sickening. Random people off the street are better than have the witnesses I know. It's all about image and who's invited to this function and who is a pioneer Who goes to bethel! Meanwhile these people are living double lives! It's about what you do not who you are! Now that I am having a baby I could never imagine shunning my child regardless of their beliefs or lifestyle! I'm so angry and sad and confused to soon be raising a child and to find out what I thought was right may not be. It's terrifying, however funny, my relationship with my husband is better than ever, and I wake up happy every morning. Guilt free! Although I miss my family I am living my life, and not doing anything wrong! This post is so long I apologize but had to get it all out! Thanks for reading if you have time.
  • Coded Logic
    Coded Logic
    People are only as good as how they treat others. It's so weird to me that JWs are all hung up on "being perfect" but can't even be good to their own families.
  • Question_Mans_interpretation
    Welcome to the forum. You are spot on in your assessment of the them, it's all show and no love. I was raised in a fairly strict jw family, got baptized at 16 and didn't start questioning things till a few years ago. I had a difficult time wirh the congregation when I was dating my husband too. We were 18/19 when we first started seeing each other and many didn't like it because he was newly studying and only an unbaptized publisher. Anyways I was prevented from pioneering(blessing in disguise) because he wasn't baptized and yet he had tried to get baptized and had even started going over questions but the elders stopped him in the middle of it because he was dating me. Talk about a catch 22, it was such a horrible time. It didn't push us away but it certainly didn't endear us with the organization. He eventually got baptized and we got married at 19/20. Now we've been married 12 years and have exited together as a family. Best thing ever.
  • ABibleStudent

    Welcome Ghiagirl, I hope that you and your husband live happily together and WTBTS free. The WTBTS is a dangerous cult for many reasons including forcing family members to strictly shun loved ones for not following the WTBTS's petty doctrines.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • berrygerry

    I was raised in the truth my whole life, my immediate family are jws and my moms mom is a witness as well as my fathers mom. Other than that the rest of my family are non jws. I was raised very balanced, my parents never forced the truth on me or my siblings

    You can see the effect that propaganda reinforcement has just in the way that you talk to us (I did the same). So, you can imagine the effect upon your family. It is hard to be outside looking in, and trying to shake them Awake! (ping)

    You face a challenge because your bf and you tried to do the right thing (going back). Too many here have learned the hard way of the deceptive nature of the borg. Trying to do right always backfires. They are the masters of the blindside.

    It's terrifying, however funny, my relationship with my husband is better than ever, and I wake up happy every morning. Guilt free!

    This is the great development in your lives. Hopefully, you will enjoy the joy of parenthood, and, as we move further and further from non-Armageddon, hopefully many other families forced to shun will also wake up.

  • happy@last
    [email protected]
    Welcome, so glad you and hubby have your freedom and your baby will be given choices in life.
  • Crazyguy
    Nice post, you put things in to perspective of how the Borg and most of the people in it are.
  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Welcome GhiaGirl.

    At last you can lead an honest life - something which your family can't do.

    It is a shock to discover that what you believed was true, was a business disguised as "the true religion" - and we fell for it!

    However, count your blessings, because the real truth has set you free!

  • DisArmed


    Great read, I enjoyed reading your experience. Welcome to the forum. Don't you feel better after writing that? I recommend every ex-dub do that even if they don't post it in a forum.

  • Xanthippe

    Welcome Ghiagirl. I'm glad you are free of that cult and wake up happy every morning, feeling no guilt. Congratulations on the baby! So sorry your family are shunning you, mine did the same so I know it's hard. Just think your child will grow up mentally healthy and happy and be able to go to university like my daughter.

    My daughter had Christmas and birthdays and it was such fun for me too to learn how to celebrate plus she had lots of friends. You can give all this to your child, just remember that when you feel lonely.

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