Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

by chickpea 4 Replies latest social humour

chickpea

The readers were asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time..
2. Ignoranus (n.): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation (n.): Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very,very high.
8. Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon (n.): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido (n.): All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at two or three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Second Batch

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absent-mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown..
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive oil-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n.. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Robdar

LMAO over here. I particularly enjoyed Karmageddon.
cameo-d

what a hoot!
Jehovah's "Witless" should have been in the running as well.
The_Empress


There actually is no "Mensa Invitational," but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many -- but not all -- of the neologisms in the list above. (For example, "decafalon" isn't a one-letter change from "decathlon," is it? Or "caterpallor"?)

Much better to see the real thing -- every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The Style Invitational is a weekly humor/wordplay contest with unbelievably clever humor contributed by thousands of readers. It's published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30.

The most recent results (Jan. 30, 2010) were for humorous poems about people who died last year. One winner:
Because the AmEx card's their fave,
They're here today to tout it.
The diggers of Karl Malden'sgrave
Just won't heave loam without it. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Last week’s was made-up homonyms or homophones. Among the winners:
Ho-maid: The role of a traditional wife.
Hi-deaf TV: Commercials.
S-cargo: Snail mail.

You can see links to these contests and dozens of earlier ones at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of "Washington Post Style" on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become regular readers and maybe even regular entrants.

Best,
The Empress of The Style Invitational
OnTheWayOut

Jehovah's "Witless" should have been in the running as well.
You wouldn't even have to change the definition:
Jehovah's Witness: One who disengages his brain and, unquestioningly, goes along with everything the Watchtower teaches.
Jehovah's Witless: One who disengages his brain and, unquestioningly, goes along with everything the Watchtower teaches.

Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

chickpea

Robdar

cameo-d

The_Empress

OnTheWayOut

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