on the fence

by In 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • In

    boy I gotta say, I just can't make up my damned mind. Everytime I'm starting to feel better about the JW's, a brother or sister or the Watchtower will say something just totally wacky. Did anyone get that bit in the Watchtower last week about NO questions allowed WHAT SO EVER!! I mean, it was strong language, and I just had to sigh and think, oh Jehovah, are they really at it again?

    But then, everytime I'm starting to not like 'em, some apostate will say something totally wack, like making personal attacks that seem rather tasteless and hateful... and I think, nope, don't like this kinda talk too much either.
    So I was starting to feel a bit together again with things, and then in conversation, I mention to this sister that I was studying at college and her face changes, just subtly, but enough, and she took a step back, and I just thought, aw hell, not you too...

    Yeah, can you believe it? I'm college educated, it's horrible really. I ask too many damned questions. I happiest when I don't talk very much. Although I would like to talk a whole lot more. So how happy does that make me? What I really want is to ask a bunch of questions and have a decent conversation without a dub having a hysteria fit... but, um, that ain't gonna happen either side of armageddon.

    And while I'm talking here, I might add one last thing that just about drives me nuts if I listen to it. My dub relatives are really, I mean REALLY, obsessed with THE END OF THE WORLD. And they all seem to like using me as the sounding board for their latest ideas about how God will destroy everyone. Let me tell you what folks, I'm just about sick of this idea of bunches and bunches of destruction and death. They talk about how everything's going to be in ruins and we're going to have to work really hard cleaning up the mess, and it's going to be like life in 1800s again. I happen to loathe outdoor toilets. I asked, so why is God just going to step in, destroy everything, and then leave us to clean up His mess? Wouldn't it make more sense for Him to help us out a little... after all He is the one who is going to make the mess...

    In the words of John Mayer, "I'm never speaking up again, I'm never speaking up again, starting now..."

  • leavingwt

    Have you read the Apostate Greatest Hits?

    Here are a few on my personal list. . .

    Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz

    Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan

    Thus Saith Jehovah's Witnesses by Randall Watters

    Apocalypse Delayed by Jim Penton

    Even better, the Book of Galatians?


  • shamus100

    The best way to stay in the truth is to take some anti-depressants and turn your brain off. And believe me, I am being serious.

  • worldtraveller

    If something can't stand the scrutiny, then don't stand along with it. A religion that does not let you keep your freedom to ask questions is not religion at all. It is a cult.

    If the truth means you cannot lie, then when they deny that they shun, wouldn't you think that's a lie?

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    Living in fear of impending doom for a long time is not a healthy way to live. All that death and destruction gets to a person. Maybe you can steer them to a better conversation, unconditional love, grace, etc. No, wait, they don't believe in such things.

    There are a lot of nice folks that are witnesses. There are also a lot of nice folks who are ex-witnesses. There are even a lot of nice folks who have no idea what a jw even is, but they call them "worldly".

    Keep looking, keep studying and make up your own mind about things. What one believes often changes several times in life. We are only responsible for ourselves. If we don't understand the great mysteries in life that people have puzzled over forever, I think it will still be ok.

  • dssynergy


    I am right there with you. I am on the fence as well, and I understand what you mean about waffling back and forth. I try to tell people as little as possible about my life (such as my going back to school), while trying to find some foothold to help me stick around.

    I'm still in, but fading. If you want to have a more in depth conversation ~ PM me. I'd be happy to chat.

  • linp24

    Dear "In"

    Not being a jw, sometimes I don't always understand the posts I see on this forum.

    You said the Watchtower last week said, "No questions allowed." What was it talking about. Are they saying you cannot ask questions when you are in the KH during the meetings?

  • finallysomepride


    Don't you plp know that you can't sit on the fence, if you are on the fence you are out of the jws, you have been told so many fu.k.ng times for chr.s.'s sake.

  • ziddina

    Yoiks! Such language...

    But seriously, folks...

    Long time ago I interviewed for a job via a rather strange psychological test. Or an employment aptitude test with a rather strange psychological question on it: "Which would you rather be? A fireman, or a spy?"

    Hrumph. I don't like heat, but was absolutely repulsed - at the time - by the thought of being a spy. The idea of having to hide who I really was, to be subtle, to be coy, to keep my mouth shut... Waaaay beyond my capabilities...

    Looking back on it, I regret my answer. Being a spy, though not "glamorous" as portrayed in the James Bond movies, has a certain appeal now. I wish I had some of the characteristics of a successful spy - as I mentioned above, the abilities to be subtle, to be sly, to allow others to talk freely about what THEY think instead of hammering them with MY opinions, to allow them to draw their own conclusions about me [hopefully that I was a "good little Jehovah's Witness", instead of an 'apostate'], the ability to 'blend', the ability to move smoothly about within an 'enemy' organization without raising suspicions, to create a pleasant - though thoroughly false - impression, to gain trust by the appearance of graceful acceptance without actually compromising my internal individuality to that which I hated...

    Could be fun, with the right attitude. Being beaten into the religion, however - well, I lost so much of myself in the process of surviving until I finally DID get out, I was emotionally unable to accept the compromises to be a successful "spy-type" person...


  • teel
    Everytime I'm starting to feel better about the JW's, a brother or sister or the Watchtower will say something just totally wacky.
    But then, everytime I'm starting to not like 'em, some apostate will say something totally wack

    Yep, it's weird to see how much alike the JWs and the rest of the world are, isn't it? They have their nice people, we have our nice people, they have their wackos, we have our wackos... So then forget about the people, and look at the rest. You have a problem with not being allowed to question. So do I. That is enough for me personally to not want to be part of it, even if they were the nicest group of people on Earth.

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