So an elder came by and asked me if I have found another Church

by bluesapphire 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • I quit!
    I quit!

    Eleven years and they are still hounding you? What is wrong with these people? I think he was being nice so he could try go get information to nail you with so they can start shunning you. For some reason they just can't let people part on friendly terms. If he had asked me if I had found another church I would have asked him "why are you looking for one yourself"? When they come by like that they are always up to no good.

    By the way they asked me something similar when I first left. A friend invited me to his church. I went once. They found out and had the nerve to ask me if I had joined another church. I hadn't been away from the tower long enough to be involved in anything else.

  • bluesapphire

    Hi everyone. Thanks for the responses. I remembered a few more things. First of all, we moved 40 miles away from our old congregation so we could get away from these people. It was my little sister who gave them my new address at the hall down the street from here. It has literally been 11 years since we moved. I asked the brother last night:

    "Soooo, can I get clarification from you? What exactly is our standing? We have no clue. We just up and moved away without even saying goodbye. Do our cards still exist? Where are they? Do they ever get thrown out?"

    He responded that we are in a "Gray area of inactivity." Our cards are at the old hall. That was why he said I could write a letter to DA myself if I want. Another thing I told him was, "I don't have any friends who are JWs. I don't know any JWs other than you and my sister. Everyone I used to know either left or I lost contact with because I didn't preserve the relationships. I never even think about you guys. My life is so full of friends and family that I don't have time to think about JWs." His face was like

    Then he said some lame thing about how whenever we see someone on the street with a Bible and a briefcase and well-dressed that EVERYONE knows who they are. And I said, "Actually, it was not uncommon decades ago for door to door salespeople to be on the streets. I rarely see JWs on the streets and if by chance I do, I don't give them a second thought. I'm sure most of the world doesn't give them a second thought either." His face again

    Another side note is that in December he came by when we were not home and my daughters took the magazines from him. We had all our Christmas decorations and even an "I love Santa" sign up. So they have plenty to work with if they really want to do something. But I think their hands are tied because our cards are 40 miles away. Unless the CO comes around someday and wants to rattle some cages in which case I'll threaten to sue HIM personally.

    My husband was reminding me of all I said this morning and he said what Flipper said, "Just cuz he's a nice guy, don't think he doesn't have an agenda....I think you gave yourself away."

    The funny thing is that I don't give a darn. Seriously, messing around is kind of fun. You know, saying things without saying them and being passive aggressive with them. I enjoy these little visits.

  • willyloman

    This is strange behavior, even for a JW elder. Every six months? Does he have some ulterior motive? Or is his ego so huge he thinks he can wear you down over time? Almost no elder I ever knew (including me) would come back again and again after hearing you state your position so clearly. This guy has more than enough "ammunition" to recommend JC proceedings against you. And yet he has compartmentalized you into a unique category all his own.


  • cantleave

    Good on you. You are completely free of them.

  • bluesapphire

    He keeps coming back because behind the scenes he has my sister and my husband's mom convincing him to keep trying to get HIM back to the hall. I'm sure he gets upset every time he comes and I happen to be there. He WANTS my husband. Instead he gets ME.

    This is the thing: I am known as an apostate because I talked to my sister when I first started fading. She turned around and blabbed everything I said to different people, the gossip started .... But my husband never said anything to anyone. So he is known as the poor husband of the Jezebel. So they have a mission to *save* him!

    In fact, even last night, he was pretty quiety during the entire conversation. Like he said, "You have nothing to lose. I do." Funny thing is that who do they think put up all the Christmas decorations and lights? And my sister knows he celebrates birthdays and goes to Church with me. So, they are choosing to ignore his faux pas and not mine.

    It used to bother me but now I am having a blast with it. By being super sugary sweet and nice he cannot say I am a rabid apostate. I say what I choose to say in a way like I'm saying, "F U and the rock you live under." But with a sweet smile on my face.

    And since he is so nice in return, and I've said it over and over to him that he is unlike most other elders. So he is kind of in a corner. If he does something then he will not be so "nice" and he knows my husband is watching it all.

  • bluesapphire

    Also, last night he asked my husband if he wanted to stop committing the "sin of omission" and start a bible study with him. He DID NOT ask me.

    If anything, my husband is unfree and I am free. Because my sister doesn't talk to me anyway and I could care less about his mom or sister, I have the freedom to be myself. He has to hide himself. And he doesn't even see his mom or sister. We go up and down on this but the last time his sister invited him and our son over for lunch and purposely excluded me in the invite he told her, "No way. You can't just pretend I don't have a wife."

  • Chalam

    Awesome post BS :)

    But I was true to myself and that's what matters to me. I wish him nothing but good in life. It's hard to write down my tone. I said what I needed to say in a very nice way and with a smile on my face.

    You spoke the truth in love, that is what counts.



  • dissed


    You are awsome. Loved your reasoning with the Elder.

  • bluesapphire

    Shucks! Darn! I thought of something I should have said!!!

    "Have you ever watched The Truman Show? .... It's sort of like that. JWs are Truman and they think everything is as it seems but there is a whole big world out there and it's not BAD!"

    Next time. My husband said if I said that it would be going too far. I really *really* want to say it!

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