Help! Holy Spirit is Sucking me back in!

by BloominMarvellous 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • BloominMarvellous

    Hi guys

    Its been a long time since ive been on here! Just trying to get on with my life. But like many of you know, you cant just forget the 'truth' and what is did or is doing to you.

    It wants me back and I dont know what I want to do. I am searching for something in my life- I dont know if thats God or not.

    Where can I go from here? Its really getting me down and being clinically depressed and on anti-depressants, this shit isnt going to help me!

    Have any of you been at this crossroads and how did you cope? I would really appreciate your help and advice

    Cheers Bloomin (or withering)


    If you want to go back..Go back..

    If you want to stay away..Stay away..

    If you want to eat Fried Chicken..Save me a Leg..

    ................................. ...OUTLAW

  • Paulapollos


    I can't say "I know how you feel", because all our experiences are different, but I can say that I really empathise. I suppose the thing is that when you are depressed, and you feel like you are searching for something, anything to give you that sense of well-being again, that sense of peace and happiness, you end up looking back at the organisation, and thinking that maybe the security and the routine is worth it.

    If you have family there, and you think that that is the problem, then association with them might help you to cope better. But you have to ask yourself -

    - If I don't believe it, could I sit at the meetings and pretend I do?

    - Could I make all the sacrifices that they will ask me to? And could I mentally cope with the sacrifices?

    - Would it make my depression worse?

    You have probably thought all this actually, so apologies. Maybe you are searching for something, maybe you need to simply ask yourself whether there are other belief systems in God that you can look to. One thing I would say is this - biblically speaking, that organisation's policies and doctrines will not give you the "peace of God".

    Much love


  • BluesBrother

    It is true that you have the right to do what you want, but you came to this board because you knew that we could tell the truth about "The Truth" having been both in and out.

    Think about it, what is drawing you back, is it real doctrinal evidence that God has chosen that religion? o is it simply the pull of friendly people who put themselves out to offer company, pseudo friendship (as long as you do what they say) and a purpose in going along there??

    I would guess it is the latter.

    When I was young I had a complete "spiritual breakdown", I had no knowledge of falsehood by the dubs, but it just did not move me any more..So I stopped completely. Due to my lack of social skills I made no outside friends, got lonely and miserable..So I went back, because I knew what I would find and I wanted that sense of belonging..I was set up for the next 30 years of wasted life in the J W movement..How I wish now that I could have made a success of that excursion outside and found freedom at age 20 rather than age 50...

    My point is - KEEP TRYING to make a successful life outside the 'gilded cage' of the J W land. Only then can you be a free bird and not a caged canary

  • BloominMarvellous

    Hi thank you for the comments.

    The weird thing is by the time I left they werent that friendly to me (see my earlier topics and posts) and i already saw flaws in it then. so i dont know why i want to go back.

    i have no family in it or real friends even my ex-study conductor has moved 200 miles away so she doesnt see me (she lived 8 doors away!)

    Im going to see Mr Majestic tomorrow so hopefully he can help me too.

    But guys thank you so much for your comments, i will be reading this again, and i will be pondering on your comments

    Thanks Bx

  • xmkx

    Hmm. You sound like me several years ago...

    This is what I have learned. A lot of times when you feel like you're searching for something and you don't know what it is, that something you're searching for is yourself. Somewhere along the way you've pushed your identity, needs, and wants so far in to the background you don't even know they exist any more much less what they are but you do feel that something is missing. It's really easy to do when one gets involved with something like the JWs that dictates what their identity, needs, and wants supposedly should be rather than allowing them to identify those things on their own.

    Also please try to keep in mind that depression is not a disease in the majority of cases in which it is diagnosed and treated with medication. If you're taking medication and you're STILL struggling with depression, it's a good indicator that there's psychological and not biological factors at play. In these cases a diagnosis and medication actually makes you worse because now you have a disease to blame for your negative emotions rather than confronting those emotions head on and figuring out what the REAL causes behind them are. It also gives one the idea that something is wrong with them if they are depressed, which is not necessarily true... depression is in a sense a healthy emotion to have... it lets us know when our needs are not being met. It's when all your needs are being met and you're still depressed that it becomes a question of something being wrong with your biological makeup.

    I spent 12 years in the mental health system on medication for depression that could have been easily treated through counseling because the biological factor was assumed rather than proven. Through what I have both experienced and observed it's not at all uncommon for someone with psychologically based depression to be handed an anti-depressant and then shooed out the door. I hope this is not the case with you, but something you said gave me reason for doubt... so I'm letting you know about this in the case that you're not aware of it yourself.

    I hope you figure out what it is you're searching for. If you find that it is with the JWs, please keep yourself aware of the mind control tactics that are also involved in that organization and take measures against being influenced by them.

  • Goshawk

    Don't go there because it is comfortable, it may not be healthy even if it is familiar.

  • jamiebowers

    You may feel lost, because the "world" is so big and ripe with possibilities. Maybe you should first decide what you don't want instead of what you do want.

    Do you want fake friends? Do you want to be obligated to attend mind numbingly boring meetings? Do you want to be required to teach a false message door to door? Do you want to be associated with a corrupt printing corporation that covers up child molestation and domestic violence and causes needless heartache and death?

    You can work out what you do want with medication and therapy. Good luck, and God speed!

  • yknot

    Sounds like you miss the social structure.......

    If you have any theological lingerings of them being 'appointed' then go back and read the Rutherford era........that will end any belief!

    However if this is really just a matter of missing the foundation of social routine.......join a non-denom church that allows you the freedom of retaining whatever theological similar beliefs you might have with the WTS (Arianism, literal milleninnial reign etc) while still allowing you to be involved with a social routine that is somewhat familiar. Most churches have a Wednesday meeting, some even have an additional 'Bible Study' or 'Ministry' for their various groups needs (womens, couples, young men, singles, tweens etc) they have "Sunday School" and than a sermon on Sundays.

    Look none of us have mentally or physically left the WTS and had a clear takes time to unravel it all.

    Look to fulfill your immediate needs in a manner that still allows you to explore your own beliefs without penalizing judgement.

    From there just be a good person, love and be gets better, just think of yourself as going through withdrawl from drug use to cigarettes and eventually you will be ready to start on the quitting gum/patch

  • paul from cleveland
    paul from cleveland

    I feel just like you do.

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