Need Help, what do you do when Elders try to bully you and your family with Lies and threats? I am inactive and hate them now!

by PokerPlayerPhil 20 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Splash

    I'm still 'in' as well, although to be fair, you can get good and bad advice from those who are still JW's, those who were JW's and those who have never been JW's. People's JW standing isn't a guarantee of good advice.

    Bullies intimidate and overbear on people to control them. If they think they can get away with stuff they will continue to do it. They are entirely selfish and abusive, and enjoy it.

    In my view there are two ways to deal with bullies, both of them mean taking it to them.

    You can either front him out with a shouting match every time you meet. This is sticking up for yourself. He will fight against you to begin with but will stop when he see's he's no longer controlling you. Don't wait for him to talk to you, every time you see him you go up and give him verbal hell.

    You can start recording your conversations while still being submissive to him. Only when you have enough evidence do you start to send bits to him and his friends/family. If you have a real peachy bit, send it to him and tell him you're going to send it to xyz as well.

    If the elders get involved tell them you have evidence of his wrongdoing but would rather sort this out between just you and him, and that if the elders continue to badger you without evidence, then you'll just stick all this info in the local paper. Carry a 'solicitors letter' with you saying that you are considering taking action against all individuals who have slandered you or intimidated you, and that will include all those who take his side without evidence. Elders run a mile if they think their wallets are under threat.

    In my experience bullies don't stop if you ask nicely. If he ever threatens you tell the police immediately.

    You play poker, you know the score.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Hi P.P.P. - firstly, welcome!!

    Secondly, I am an inactive Witness who has experience of dealing with Elders who are bullies.

    Solution: dead easy - bullies HATE being stood up to and challenged.

    Take a witness with you, and WARN the bully that if he does not cease & desist, you will write to the Branch Office Service Department to request that the C.O. comes to "arbitrate" the obvious problems you've mentioned.

    Also, use a digital voice recorder for your meeting.

    I dealt with the big-mouthed Presiding Overseer in a previous congregation this way!

    Where are you situated?

  • jhine

    Hi Phil ,.I'm a never a JW member of that despised Christendom and I'm allowed on !! That shows how diverse a group this is


  • stillin

    I might play the passive-aggressive. Make conversation with him about a friend in another congregation where there is an elder who is not "treating the flock with tenderness." Describe to him what a POS this other elder is. How can this be handled?

    Nathan did this when David stole Bathsheba from her husband. Remember that your friend told you this confidentially, so you can't give him names.

    I think I could make him squirm. You are a humble person who just wants his friend to succeed in life.

  • Vidiot

    More often than not, the bullying and lies of loyalist religionists are a manifestation of their own threatened feelings of insecurity.

    After all, the more who leave, the more it suggests that there's a reason to leave, and that's a scary prospect for loyalists (in any group); they've invested a considerable amount of emotional capital in their chosen group.

  • PokerPlayerPhil

    Hi Flipper, if the Aunt Carla your thinking of is in Southern California you might be right but this family is very crooked and my point was not to go before the Elders Body because I've been through that kind of hell too many times trusting them to handle without bias and being objective with all the facts and I was told "Keep Waiting on Jehovah!" I am tired of waiting on a god who does not exist's, their god does not exists yet I still believe in a God, not their god!

    My point was if I go before these Elders who are in the pockets of the this COBE I am buying my own rope to hang myself. I think fading is the best but I want to tell the World how this Elder and his wife stole, lied to my wife when we needed the money. Jehovah's Witnesses doing construction and other business work often lie, they overbuild use two or three sets of blueprints to cheat the county and tax assessors from getting a accurate tax base. I was chased out of this Kingdom Hall because the COBE wanted his pedophile (RIch JW) to pick up the donation slack.

    Will telling everyone on Yelp and Yahoo and Google they ripped us off work?

    Thank you for the warm welcome, are there still people here who get together and talk about spiritual things, I would love to join and play some poker or board games, hang out with some fellow people who know our plight and all the hell we've been through.

  • PokerPlayerPhil
    In the past I had more than two witnesses and he's power in the Organization make's his word ten times what we would have. He's attacked Elders in the backroom,, he's used profanity and public cursing, he's tried to fight with the neighbors and the elderbody covered this all up. I wrote to the Organization thinking we would get justice, they were actually the biggest let-down because they did nothing and sided with him telling us "It's a family matter, we don't get involved with family issues and it's a case of "He said, She said".' That's how the Watchtower takes care of people who still loved it, they side with witnesses and elders who can donate more than others
  • DesirousOfChange

    I wrote to the Organization thinking we would get justice, they were actually the biggest let-down because they did nothing and sided with him

    Been there. Done that.

    They protect each other.


  • flipper
    PHIL- I think the Carla you know is different than the Carla I know. The Carla I know lives in Northern California , not Southern California. Sounds like this elder is really evil and a financial extortionist. I agree with you- don't take it to the elders - they'd side with him. You need to get an attorney or get satisfaction through the small claims court ( which in California I believe is for any settlements under $ 5,000 . ) Get ANY printed or written documentation to prove your case against this guy. Even old bank records you or your wife had in dealings with him. But I would definitely speak with a non-JW attorney or financial advisor in order to seek justice. Just my 2 cents
  • Louise

    So how would you approach something like this? I wouldn't do it maliciously - I would speak to the man one on one and take a minutes of the meeting, even recording it so that there can be no further lies or bullying tactics. Follow it up in writing. Explain that if he doesn't stop his actions then you'll have to use the law.

    I find keeping emotions out of something and using facts instead help a lot.

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