A picture I should have taken 25 years ago...a personal story

by JustHuman14 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • JustHuman14

    This picture was my graduation from High School. I wasn't there to take that photo along with my classmates and teachers.

    25 years have gone ever since...still after all those years, many times in my dreams I used to watch my self taking that final picture. I just could never accept the fact that I was absent from this important event of my teenage life.

    Yeah like many ex-JW's of my age that have been fooled and cheated by the WT, left school to become pioneer and proclaim a false gospel of some old American fools, who think that God chosen them to bring doomsday upon this planet. They promised us that we want get old and we will witness the end of the world coming. Our only salvation was to leave behind education, career, go out and preach the "good news". Our future was only in the WT, since this world was about to end soon and our salvation was depending upon how many Books and magazines of the WT I sell to the people.

    25 years have gone...now I'm at my 40's, older and wiser. The end didn’t come, the generation died, the preaching work that supposed to separate the sheep like ones from the goats is not valid any long, and the heavenly door that was closed in 1931 now has opened again. All the teachings that supposed to be "truth" at that time and for those teachings and promises I left school to proclaim them are no longer valid...

    25 years have gone...what I'm left now is broken dreams and promises. There was a reunion of my classmates and finally I took that picture I was supposed to be. But still the pain is stronger than before. Few of my classmates couldn't make it to be at the reunion photo. One of them was Maria who died 3 years ago from cancer.

    I wish I could talk to her now…so many things I would have told her 25 years after…I know she is out there somehow, her soul, her spirit never died. I miss her all those years, those childhood innocent years that we had. Unfortunately someone has stolen my best years...it is so outrageous knowing that they have stolen your life. If someone steals your money, car, motorbike you can get your self another one. But if they steal your life, your time, then, you cannot have the stolen time back…it is irreversible and most of the times so cruel and evil that you will never overcome the pain. I will never forget when she came and hug me tenderly and she was down on her knees crying, telling me not to quit school. I cried along with Maria and I wish I could just listen to her…Sorry Maria, that's all I can say 25 years after…I was mistreated by false Prophets. I wish I could turn back time to change things, but I can't. Most of all that hurts me more is that I cannot talk to you now since you have gone to the other side. I know I feel you sometimes but probably you all ready know how I feel

    25 years after I finally took that photo but you weren't there...

    25 years after I promise you Maria I want get fooled again...

  • acolytes

    Hi Just humun 14

    Thanks for the story.

    I think most have a Maria in our lifes.(Witness upbringing or not)


  • quietlyleaving
  • cantleave

    Thanks for sharing those very personal thoughts. So much life wasted on a lie.

  • nugget

    I can relate to this and feel for you. It is a travesty that the society keeps the best of us ignorant turning us into busy fools. Live life as Maria would wish this is the best tribute to a sincere friend.

  • lisavegas420

    Thank you for sharing


  • LeeT

    That was an incredibly moving post. Thank you.

  • penny2

    JustHuman14, Maria must have really liked you.

    Hope you are enjoying life these days despite the sadness of your story.


  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    I could not bring myself to show up at my school reunion to see my friends/aquantances from 40 years earlier.

    They were all supposed to be dead now.

    The only dead ones have died from cancer, heart disease and accidents.

    I had never let myself get involved with them, or keep in touch with them, because they were all going to be dead soon.

    I beat myself up over it every day. A quick Google shows most of them still alive and doing well and having careers, and children, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren, and living in Paradise, (where we found them).

    What a complete fuck up my life has been.


    Cults have got a lot to answer for

  • cameo-d

    Black sheep:

    "I had never let myself get involved with them, or keep in touch with them, because they were all going to be dead soon.

    I beat myself up over it every day. What a complete fuck up my life has been."

    No body on this planet lives without regrets. We have all made mistakes that hurt others as well as hurting ourselves in realization of it. All we can do is start from today and be more sensitive to listening and understanding. We have developed greater reasoning skills for what we have been through and a deeper appreciation for those who come into our lives.

    The past is the past. We cannot go back and change it. The most we can do is learn from it. We have to just keep going forward from here and know that in spite of the pain, it has made us more acutely aware not to take our time or loved ones for granted.

    We must let go of blaming ourselves and blaming others for what happened, otherwise, you drown in the mire of bitterness and self pity.

    The baggage we carry does shape us. Past experience is the reason for our reactions to situations today.

    The pain you feel is because your heart is growing bigger.

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