Help Needed!!!! Please Advise!!!

by thepackage 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • thepackage

    Quit background, my good friend left the JW in 2004, divorced his wife cause she was a b*tch and a hard core JW in 2007. He was never DF nor did he speak to anybody as to why he left the JW expect for me. He realized it was all a bunch of crap. He supports and houses his dad who is old and an Elder. For the past two years he has lived with his girlfriend and the are expecting their first child. About once or twice a year the Elders would come by and he would tell them he’s busy.

    Yesterday (1/5/10) he received a notice in the mail that he has a registered letter from his old KH waiting for him at the post office. He knows what the letter is about but he does not see the point in picking up the letter or meeting with them. He does not want to be DF because he’s really close to his family (the are all JW) and they are all looking forward to baby being born. He’s concerned that if he is DF they will stop talking with him and his child will never know his family.

    So, what are his options? Does anybody have any proven methods so he’s not DF? Thank you for your help!!!!!

  • OnTheWayOut

    They have given him so much slack, but not picking up the letter doesn't change the fact that they made every attempt to deliver it.
    Better to see what it says and proceed from there. My guess is that some C.O. or the P.O. feels the need to clean things up.

    They have plenty to hang him with, I am sure. They might not have their "two witnesses" to his WT-defined sins, but they could easily get them, especially if his dad is involved in knowing what's going on. They hope to get a confession, but are probably prepared to go another way.

    About all that is left is to respond to their letter with a letter. It can be a threat from a lawyer to cease and desist from harassing him or it can be a personal letter in the style of Doc Bob:

    If he chooses the legalistic letter route, I would advise that he says nothing of the whole thing to family. Perhaps they will stay ignorant of the whole thing.

  • dig692

    If his family is already supportive and excited for the baby to come knowing he divorced his wife (and by WT standards probably not for scriptural reasons) and the baby is out of wedlock, I would think they wouldn't care if he got DF'd or not and would still be a part of his life. I mean, at this point they know he has committed DFing offenses but just hasn't been formally DFd yet, so either they would already be shunning him or don't care and just want to be part of his life. (Hopefully the latter)

    But as OTWO said, even if he doesn't go pick up the letter, they have records that they delivered it, and at some point the elders will conclude that he is just trying to avoid the JC and will just proceed with the DFing process without him.

    It seems his only option is to threaten legal action if they formally DF him in front of the congregation. Maybe the elders will drop the whole thing and his family would never be the wiser.

  • Sapphy

    It's possible his ex-wife now wants to be 'scripturally free' and is pushing the elders to tidy up the situation. However 6 years is a long time to be following this up.

    If he doesn't want to go the legal letter route he could try and sell them that after 6 years inactivity he is 'not known as a witness in the community' and they should 'hold the matter in abeyance' until if and when he ever wishes to become 'reactivated'.

    Would his Dad help him play the elder game?

  • thepackage

    These comments are great.

    Sappy, his dad does help him out and he has told the Elders to leave his son alone. While his Eldere dad does not agree with his decision to leave the JW he respects him as a son since he has alway been a model person. His dad is disabled and my friend does everything for him including buying him a car so he could go to the meetingss and service.

  • flipper

    THE PACKAGE- If I were your friend , first I'd determine how I suddenly got put back on in the elders radar and find out WHO ratted me out - considering he hasn't attended meetings in 6 years. It could be ANYBODY in family that ratted on him. Sapphy mentioned the ex-wife. That's possible. My ex-wife did the same to me. I don't think your friends elder dad would rat him out to the elders as that would be biting the hand that provides and feeds him.

    You've had great advice so far which I agree with all of them. They can't DF your friend with any justice without 2 eyewitnesses to his "alleged "sin. They can and will try to DF him unjustly even WITHOUT 2 eyewitnesses though. That's when he should appeal the DFing sening a letter of appeal IF it gets that far with the Doc Bob letter that On the WAY Out mentioned. Your friend might just get lucky and make them back down if he sends a letter that threatens legal action . He'd have 7 days from the date they inform him of the disfellowshipping to send the appeal and lawsuit letter to them. The original judicial committee would look it over with 3 other elder on an appeal committee . Then they'd want to meet with your friend. If he can convince them these are false allegations - the appeal committee will send a letter to Bethel legal asking what decision to make. They will do this due to your friends letter threatening lawsuit & if there are NOT 2 eyewitnesses to his alleged sin. If your friends dad is WILLING to be a witness for his son and deny to the elders his son did anything wrong - that too would carry some weight. I'm just brainstorming ideas here that worked for me. I won an appeal meeting with 6 elders because they didn't have sufficient evidence on me- AND because I wrote a letter threatening them with a lawsuit.

    So tell your friend he needs cooperation from SOMEONE inside his witness family to back him up. My son went as a witness for me to my JC and it worked well. Good luck to your friend ! He's gonna need it. Let me know if you have anymore questions

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    I would recommend he simply discern from his family what might happen if he ended up formally DFd. He can tell them that they know full well that his new baby was conceived "in sin" and ask them what they would do with him (and his new family) if the congregation elders decided to DF him for it. If they would continue the status quo, then he should completely ignore the letter and the clowns who sent it. They have no authority unless he grants it to them. His main concern is his family members and therefore they should be the ones he deals with on the issue.

  • LittleSister

    Like other posts your friend needs to know exactly what he is up against so he needs to get the letter.

    My husband found details yesterday on a letter online that you can send the Elders asking for everything in writing and in detail before you will consider a meeting to discuss the situation. I don't know if it works, but apparently the Elders are not allowed to put the details of what they are doing in writing and so can no longer proceed meaning they can't DFed your friend.

    I think the letter is on JWFacts.

  • Gayle

    I say for your friend to try to avoid contact with elders if at all possible. Your friend has gone on with his life and proven to not be bothering them.

    However, when there is a registered letter from those elders, it could very well be a witchhunt. They haven't come around or cared all this time, but now a registered letter. They mean business, to get into his business. Is your friend capable, willing, to go through their dance of interrogation and defend himself?

    Now, I know and respect, many leaving or already left JWs, feel a need to write these very nice, respectful letters to the elders about how they appreciated being Jehovah's Witnesses and the brotherhood, but now they have some serious concerns of certain issues, the false prophecies of the past and they quote the literature and the Bible, concern about the U.N. issue, the changing blood doctrine evolvements, or whatever, etc. etc. and go on with a few pages of that. Believe me, the elders hardly read that part. They absolutely do not care about your experience and thought.

    The only thought or word that stands out to them and stops them cold is "LAWSUIT." Many are reporting here and elsewhere, that those who state they will go legal, and that no "announcement" or pronouncement with their name will be acceptable on the platform. So, guess what, there is no announcement being made! Of course, the ex-JW has to be at the point in his life that he intends to never go back to the Hall anyway as it sounds like is your friend's intention. The good part is that some family and friends still feel they can conscientiously visit or talk with the ex-JW family member because they were never 'announced' being disfellowshipped.

    So I guess if there was enough of this response to the WTS that is would weaken their control so it seems they are fearful of a lawsuit. Maybe they have a right to announce people's name in such a way that is actually only a character assassination. However, maybe individuals have a right to forbid it also. I have a PM for you. So many best wishes to your friend and his new family.

  • dissed

    I love the legal way. It really scares the Elders, knowing they could be sued and knowing the WTS won't come to their aid.

    But like Gayle said, you have to really mean it, no going back if you get legal.

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