The Day I had an Epiphany

by journey-on 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • journey-on

    My eyes opened in more ways than one. As I lay in bed that Sunday morning, I knew I was never again going to rise hurriedly to get myself and the kids dressed and fed for field service. I was actually feeling relieved and wanted to just turn over and go back to sleep, certain and content in my decision.

    The day before, I had stood at the end of the block, after working a territory filled with barking dogs and people sleeping in after a hard day’s work week, and thinking, "never again". I had stood there on a cool but sunny morning, and looked down the block I had just worked and knew with an inner certainty that this was going to be my last day in the door-to-door work.

    Even though my fade took a while and I probably turned in time for incidental witnessing, I never again went out in service after that cool sunny Saturday when I had an epiphany. I vividly remember my last time right down to the emotion I was feeling. I knew what I was doing to myself, my little children, and these householders week after week, day after day, was not living life meaningfully. It was not what God wanted me to do with the life I had been given. I just knew it as if He was telling me Himself. Period. It was over.

    Do you remember your very last day in service?

  • aSphereisnotaCircle

    I just knew it as if He was telling me Himself.

    I prayed pretty much non-stop for about 2 years straight.

    I had reached the desperation point, my life was so miserable and unhappy, I knew what I was doing was not working and I needed to do something different. So I prayed, prayed, prayed.

    Jah finally answered my prayers, he said to stop doing what your doing and expecting different results. If what your doing isn't working, you need to do something else.

    Pretty simple stuff, but hard for the JW mind to accept, because the Society tells you to just keep doing more. As if doing more, of whats not working, will finally make it work.

  • doublelife

    Yes, it was Sept '09. My husband dragged me out. I hadn't gotten the courage yet to tell him I no longer believed. Though I had been expressing my doubts. I told him that since I found out the truth about the cross that the society might be wrong about other things and I can't in good conscious teach those things to others. So I didn't talk to anyone but made him do all the talking. At one door a man answered and after having a short discussion he asked if we were 7th Day Adventist. I've never been out since.

  • snowbird

    I certainly do!

    It was a hot, hot, hot Saturday.

    We called on a friendly, sweet young woman who was certain she was going to be with Jesus.

    The elder with whom I was working tried to convince her that only 144K would have that privilege.

    She said, "Well, I must be in that number!"

    I was given the charge of calling back on her to try to convince her otherwise.

    I thought, "Who am I to tell this kind, loving person that she will never look upon the face of her Lord?"

    Needless to say, I didn't make a RV on her nor did I ever go into FS again.

    Great topic, JO!


  • journey-on

    aSphere: You are so right. When you do finally trust what your heart is telling you is right for you, breaking the guilt chain wrapped around you by the Society becomes the most difficult thing you have to do, but once you trust your own inner direction, it is such a relief!

    doublelife: That man will never know what a catalyst his words were, will he.

    snowbird: Your story shows what a truly loving person you are. You probably already knew replacing the living beauty of her hope with an empty man made promise was just plain wrong.

  • Satanus

    It was while reading ray franz' crisis of conscience, about 4 chapters in. I was working w a bunch of jws, building a house. I was doing the painting. I was also sleeping in the house, at night. I would secretly read that book, before going to sleep. Hid the book, during the day.


  • wheelwithinwheel

    Really remember our last meeting. When we got home I told my wife it was going to be easy to remember the last day we set foot in a KH….November 11 "Rememberance Day".

    Can’t remember the where and exact when for service but sure do remember the why…

    Having been a pioneer for years, I was being sent out to work with really young kids by the conductor. I had to take most of the doors and I began realizing the publications I was offering could do some serious damage. I didn’t even want to glance at them myself. The issue came to a point in my head when one morning I got the feeling that if someone wanted to accept a publication I would have to caution him about the damaging consequences of his interest. I didn’t go out that day or since.

  • journey-on

    Satanus: That book changed a lot of people. I'm sure in the inner circles at WT headquarters, it's called The Apostate Bible.

    wheel: Your wife must have been on the same page as you at the same time. That's good. Some on this board are having a real problem with that one.

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    I remember talking to a nice older lady and she was quite receptive. I was doing the talking and I stuck to the Bible only. After our conversation, I thanked her and started to leave.

    The witness lady I was with couldn't stand that I didn't offfer her some literature. I just started to walk away and she took over and placed the magazines with her.

    When we left, I did not write down the number to come back and the witness insisted that I write it down. I told her to write it down as I was not coming back. I had already been missing meetings, something I rarely did, so she was watching me carefully.

    I had already decided that I would only use the Bible and not recruit members, but I decided then I was finished.

  • Velas

    I remember it very well, it was a Saturday in November 2008

    An elder in my foreign language congregation told me to preach with him, we were preaching for three hours and after that he explained me why I was the only one man in my foreign language congregation not receiving any responsibility. Could you imagine 55 publishers, 20 of them regular pioneer? Basically a fanatic foreing congregation and I was the only one with no responsibility, the reason he gave me: my children bad behaviour.

    My chidren, 9 and 7 years, two spanish little boys in an English congregation, they were learning english at school,

    How could he state that my children were behaving badly?

    The real reason: that elder hates me, I do not hate him I just feel pity for him.

    But it gave me and my wife the ultimate reason to run away from JWs, so after my last preaching morning I had my last meeting,

    I said bye bye and the party was over.

    I remember that sometimes while I was preaching I wondered, How can I preach something that I do not really believe?

    I was afraid of someone asks me about 144.000, How can I explain it? Should I explain him or her the truth about "the truth"?

    Enjoying Sundays now with my family is something very special.

    Feel the freedom to choose what to do in your free time is something enjoyable.


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