I was a 'walk-away believer'. (Conscientious decision to distance myself from the org while they sorted things out and got back on track with Jah. won't bother with details here but although I was 'inactive', I still believed. Just not some of the current doctrine and edicts at the time.)
After about 8 or 9 years of inactivity, I was diagnosed with cancer. My family had recently fragmented, I had very few friends (the JWs kept their distance from me because I was not spiritually strong and I kept distance from worldly people because they were, well, worldly.) During the weeks while waiting for confirmation of diagnosis and treatment planning I experienced sooooo many emotions and imagined a myriad of scenarios.
One of my three final treatment options included suicide. I hadn't particularly enjoyed the first 38 years of my life and didn't see any reason to go through the time, pain and expense of agressive cancer treatment. I didn't believe in hellfire so didn't fear eternal damnation for my decision to end my life although I did consider just managing the 'symptoms' and letting cancer take it course. Seriously considered assisted-suicide or other quick-ish method but did not share this thought with anyone at all.
There was one that I 'clicked' with and I was very honest in my presentation. I told him that non-treatment was an option I was seriously considering. Also, I would not consent to blood transfusion under any circumstance due to strict religious conviction even though I was not acknowledged by the JWs to be one of them, I apologetically explained my position to my doctor. He was amazingly supportive. Modified treatment to respect my conviction and assured me that the next 38 years would indeed be worth living. My initial consultation with him in his office lasted 3 hours.
About 6 weeks into treatment, my blood levels dropped dangeriously low. He re-confirmed that I would not take blood, he simply asked if my concern was with the quality and screening process of the blood. I said 'no', it is religious reasons. He countered with one simple question: Is there *anything* I can say or any modification that we can make to help you feel more comfortable and agree to accept it? I responded with: "No. It is my unwaivering decision." He simply said 'OK. We'll work around it.' And he did not shame, embarrass, or humiliate me for what I now consider a silly stand. At times when he would have ordered transfusion, he would explain modified treatment options by stating "Because we are not going to transfuse you, we need to ... {take this action} ..."
He demonstrated how to accept someone's different viewpoint and maintain full respect and support for the person even though completely disagreeing with their beliefs.
THAT man made a huge difference in my life and my outlook on life and people.
Also during my first few months of cancer treatment I was absolutely FLOORED with the love, respect and support that came from the most unexpected places. Employer immediately accomodated to whatever I wanted. CoWorkers offered work and personal assistance. Clients sent cards, called just to let me know they cared, many offered transport and any other assistance, two sent money (including $100 from one person), my hairdresser offered to see me as often as needed (suggested every 2 weeks) to assist with transition from full head of long auburn hair to baldness, strangers in line offered support, diners in restaurants offered encouragement. Neighbors cooked meals. Boyfriend with whom I had broken up was available for any and all household chore. My somewhat estranged JW sister was by my side at every single medical appointment following my diagnosis. LONG list of love and support - from the most unexpected places. All except my sister were non-JWs
I was equally HORRIFIED by the disregard by people who I had previously considered such good friends back when I was active. (My own immediately included.) JW friends (one was an elder) with whom I would vacation once or twice a year visited mutual 'friends' 5 miles from my house. They stayed for 2 weeks but waited until they got home (1000 miles away) to even call me. Neither of my parents would modify their schedule to help me get to doctor appointment (mom would have been 10 minutes late for bible study and, on separate occaision, father who was living with me in my house at the time would have been a little late for work. Only 2 cards from former JW friends, and two visits from others. All the horrifying responses to my situation came from JWs. I was still a believer at the time!
The people who I thought would be there for me, were no where to be seen. Yet I had such an amazing support group that I was able to completely redefine my circle of friends. And I came away with an amazing feeling of comfort knowing that there are some unbelievably kind people out in the world.
My cancer story and experiences are severely abbreviated in this post. The main point is that, in my experience, true love and humanity exists almostly entirely OUTSIDE of the WT organization.
-Aude.
