And they talk about love?
I think this could fit for sisters to, mine hasn't called me for one year.
A Family Lost-A Family Gained
A little boy of three goes for a walk with his dad and life could not be better. The world is an adventure with places to be explored and the comfort of knowing if things get rough dad’s hand is always there to guide you through. As you ply him with questions about everything you see this boundless source of wisdom seems to know the answer to every difficulty you face. A trail through the forest would be far to frightful to traverse alone, but with dad you are invincible.
Now you are eight, dad doesn’t seem to be quite as tall as he once was and as you walk the same trail dad’s hand is the last thing you would want to hold onto. You keep getting to far away and he repeatedly calls you back. You have fun anyway and really deep down you are glad he is there, just in case something were to go wrong you know solving the problem would not be your responsibility.
You are now a man, fifteen is such a great age you can see everything so clearly and some things you may prefer not to see. Dad embarrasses you in front of your friends, it appears he has a temper problem and you try to pretend it does not exist. You learn to act like everything is ok to those on the “outside” while inside your young mind cannot solve the dysfunction of the family. So you stay away as much as you can, hoping that things will somehow solve themselves in your absence. The fact remains the family is still in place and if trouble were to arise you know deep down they would help you.
Now you wonder what a man is, you are 35 with children of your own. You appreciate in a much deeper way the sacrifice your parents made as you raise your children. You want to share your life with your parents as you feel you can relate closely to them with all that you have experienced. You try to understand their problems and make excuses for the bad behavior and embarrassing situations they put you into. Over and over you try to reach out, yet over and over you are made to know deep down they really just do not have the capacity to feel and express love. After being hurt along with your family on many occasions you finally give up. You give up not on trying, but instead on trust. No longer can your heart bear the pain of constant betrayal of what true love means. You wonder if you were really down and out would they be there for you?
You finally feel you are learning what a man is at 45. You have watched your children grow and tried to impart to them the love and security you seldom felt in your life. You muse to yourself, “they just do not know how good they have it”. Then there is your parents, bitter, arrogant, haughty, vindictive. Occasionally they do have their moments, like when they stop by ever six months or so to throw a fifty at the kids and then get back to their real life. As you watch the parents of others, you have the feeling of a person who has lost the use of his legs. He will never run or walk again so why fret or wish he could do so. It is a lost cause. So to with parents who do not care to love. You stand always willing to give it another chance, but sadly you seem to always know the outcome. Life is without the safety net so many seem to enjoy, no backup, no assistance, no assurance, no help, you are truly on your on. Sometimes you wish you were that little child of three with dad’s hand close by, but now you are in the forest, you look around and no one is there. The journey of life lay yet before you, your children have the security as best you can offer, your parents will soon be in your care, it is just a matter of time and you accept this responsibility. As for you, what is left, but to try and live your life as the person your parents will never be.
My goodness Xena, you are a fine person...despite any personal foibles you might have..lol. Your honesty and compassion shinneth from thy every post. I wish to God you were my sister. I always wanted one, but grew up in a house full of men.
Hello again Xena,
I am so sorry to learn of your pain. The anniversary of the death of loved ones is always painful. My wife has taught me that from what she experiences when the anniversary of the death of her kid sister rolls around. Your sister’s lack of natural compassion at this time is a sad commentary on the JW outlook.
You have demonstrated to me personally a kind, caring attitude and I appreciated your thoughtfulness when I missed the recent dinner. I always wanted a sister (I had no brothers or sisters), but grew up alone and by myself in a JW household! Ugh! Anyway, if you ever again need someone to “talk” to (an old guy type) feel free to write. I promise more empathy and understanding than you received today during your phone call. Your sister just doesn’t know what it is like to grow up alone. I hope she, someday, understands what a treasure you could be to her.
I am confident that here and elsewhere you will find friends worthy of your time and attention.
I have seen all the works which have been done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and striving after wind. What is crooked cannot be straightened and what is lacking cannot be counted. Solomon
Pretty impressive you had the guts and courage to pick up *and call her.* Kudos to you! Regardless of what your sister does or says, she knows how you feel and you had the courage to let her know. Now you can let go in peace if you want. I'm sure you'll always welcome your sister back into your life with open arms if she ever chooses to be a part of your life again.
Relationships take two to tango. But, really, who wants to be close friends with a judgmental religious fanatic; family or not? Ummm, not me. Although I did reach out to my brother for years with phone calls and emails without getting anything in return, I remember how it felt to finally let him go and stop trying to get him back in my life. I felt relieved.
Hugs to you!
"The truth will set you free--but first it will make you damn mad."
M. Scott Peck - "The Different Drum"
After having inbibed some herbs I have calmed down..and feel much better thank you all
closer - thank you for the support....can I have a pic too???
voltaire - You are so right about the darker side of the borg..I was given a big dose of JW reality today!
Frank - I am sorry to hear you have to put up with a family member like my sister! My heart goes out to you. And thank you for making me feel so special.
Julie - she is so tied up in the JW world Julie I don't think she even misses us. But maybe one day....
Rhett - Don't worry I don't plan on hiding anymore
Jayhawk - You know it is funny you mentioned that about your friend...my dad used to say when he was in the military that he would put his country before his family...my sister was disgusted by his attitude...and now she has the same one...
Mulan - Acutally she called me back tonight...I missed the call...she just left a brief abrupt message that we need to talk...I think she is just upset because I hung up on her mid tirate...haven't decided if I will call her back or not.
Princess - I am looking forward to getting to know you better
terafera - I am sorry to hear about what you have been having to go thru! I loved the quote "You're having a NORMAL reaction to a very UNNORMAL situation" I think that is perfect for our situation...thank you!
LB - I know LB she is just doing what she has been told..over and over and over...sad isn't it?
orangefatcat - lol I was always the "black sheep" too...funny they didn't think I was going to make it into the paradise even when I was going to meetings...don't know why they care so much I stopped
Prisca - Thank you Prisca...and may the fluff be with you too
silentlambs - thank you for that insightful story and I am sorry you are also estranged from your sister!
refiners - thank you for the kind words refiners!personal foibles???
Sam Beli - Please tell your wife how sorry I am about her sister...funny with the holidays and all I really haven't kept track of the days...I noticed after I posted that it was the anniversary of her death on the 4th...that would be today now...You sound like a good man Sam I hope to meet both you and your wife someday soon!
Jerry - Thank you for your kind words...you are a real gentleman you know that? And I am not just saying that because you give me beer! (Sigh) Even when they are religious fanatics it is still hard to let go of the hope that maybe one day....but I guess it is time to move on and let go of it...
Thank you one and all for the good thoughts, kind words, great advice and for just being there.
My heart goes out to you sweetie and I appreciate you sharing your pain with all of us, even though many of us still have open wounds resulting from the treatment by the Witnesses.
Nothing I can say will make that hurt go away, it doesn't for my own either. The good thing I can say though is that we can use this pain to work for us. We can turn it around and recognize that we need to love ourselves and surround ourselves with others who really can see us for who we are and love us for being us. The Borganization blinds people to the real nature of love. It makes them hate themselves and think of themselves as lowly sinners who are worthless and who need someone else to be totally and desperately dependent upon their "all strings attached" love. Few Witnesses deep down inside love themselves and have become utterly dependant on the false love their cult gives them.
Thus, your sister can't love you now because she doesn't know how. She is blinded to the nature of what a wonderful and loving person you are, as your friends well know. Please continue to love yourself and you can take comfort in the fact that now you have people who can appreciate you for being you!
Thinking of you... (hug)
Theres every chance that your sister may consider what she did and perhaps realise her mistake. Despite her being JW, sometimes they do mellow...so just hope for that day.
The hardest part for me is feeling like the family failure, despite the fact that my life is successful, in their eyes it isnt. Remember that you are the successful one for being strong enough to leave this cult!