With the 4th anniversary of my parents death looming and the anniversary of their last wedding anniversary party where my family was together and happy for the last time just being past ….I was feeling kind of depressed and wanted to reach out to what family I have left. I sat there and debated in my mind if I should do it…should I try and reach out to my sister..see if I could reach her across the barrier of the JW religion. Should I try to remind her that we are SISTERS…we were sisters before we became JW’s and we will ALWAYS be sisters. Should I try and remind her of the good times we had together? The laughter and tears shared? Would it even matter to her anymore?
I picked up the phone and called….she answered….she acted like she didn’t recognize my voice…lol it sounds almost exactly like her own…then when I told her who it was she said it sounded like I had a cold. I told her I had been crying (yes I was crying AGAIN I have "issues" ok)…I told her I missed her…was she touched…did she say she missed me too? Noooo in a very harsh matter of fact way she told me that I knew that until I changed my life she couldn’t have anything to do with me….that I knew what the scriptures said. I asked her “Can’t we put religion aside for a moment and just be sisters?”….no we can’t…she started to go off on how she loved me BUT …I told her I could feel the love…I told her that she loved her religion more than she loved me ….but that was ok at least now I knew where I stood…and as she started to tell me how and why Jehovah should be more important…I hung up the phone….
Funny I call up crying…but all she cares about is not getting spiritually dirty by talking to me. Yes I can feel the love…she didn’t even care why I was crying…you would have thought she would have shown a little concern…a little of that “love” they talk about so much. So you have to wonder is she just a heartless bitch that just happens to be a JW or did the JW’s make her a heartless bitch…lol which came first? She was always tough…a very forthright person, but there used to be a softer side…I wonder where it went…is it still somewhere under that self righteous judgmental person? If I had ever even remotely considered going back this certainly would have completely put me off it!!!!!
I have been hiding who I am because I didn’t want to get d/fed…because I hoped to still be able to associate with my family. I have denied myself the freedom of expression for someone like this? I think I have finally realized that the time has come to just be myself…who I really want to be…and to do so openly and with pride in the fact that I am a good person who has finally realized that I do not want to be in bondage to a religion that not only allows but encourages people to treat members of their own family that way.
Time to shake it off and like a butterfly coming out of the cocoon spread my wings and finally fly……..
Lol and probably fall on my face…but pick myself back up again and try and try again….