And they talk about love?

by Xena 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • Xena

    With the 4th anniversary of my parents death looming and the anniversary of their last wedding anniversary party where my family was together and happy for the last time just being past ….I was feeling kind of depressed and wanted to reach out to what family I have left. I sat there and debated in my mind if I should do it…should I try and reach out to my sister..see if I could reach her across the barrier of the JW religion. Should I try to remind her that we are SISTERS…we were sisters before we became JW’s and we will ALWAYS be sisters. Should I try and remind her of the good times we had together? The laughter and tears shared? Would it even matter to her anymore?

    I picked up the phone and called….she answered….she acted like she didn’t recognize my voice…lol it sounds almost exactly like her own…then when I told her who it was she said it sounded like I had a cold. I told her I had been crying (yes I was crying AGAIN I have "issues" ok)…I told her I missed her…was she touched…did she say she missed me too? Noooo in a very harsh matter of fact way she told me that I knew that until I changed my life she couldn’t have anything to do with me….that I knew what the scriptures said. I asked her “Can’t we put religion aside for a moment and just be sisters?”….no we can’t…she started to go off on how she loved me BUT …I told her I could feel the love…I told her that she loved her religion more than she loved me ….but that was ok at least now I knew where I stood…and as she started to tell me how and why Jehovah should be more important…I hung up the phone….

    Funny I call up crying…but all she cares about is not getting spiritually dirty by talking to me. Yes I can feel the love…she didn’t even care why I was crying…you would have thought she would have shown a little concern…a little of that “love” they talk about so much. So you have to wonder is she just a heartless bitch that just happens to be a JW or did the JW’s make her a heartless bitch…lol which came first? She was always tough…a very forthright person, but there used to be a softer side…I wonder where it went…is it still somewhere under that self righteous judgmental person? If I had ever even remotely considered going back this certainly would have completely put me off it!!!!!

    I have been hiding who I am because I didn’t want to get d/fed…because I hoped to still be able to associate with my family. I have denied myself the freedom of expression for someone like this? I think I have finally realized that the time has come to just be myself…who I really want to be…and to do so openly and with pride in the fact that I am a good person who has finally realized that I do not want to be in bondage to a religion that not only allows but encourages people to treat members of their own family that way.

    Time to shake it off and like a butterfly coming out of the cocoon spread my wings and finally fly……..

    Lol and probably fall on my face…but pick myself back up again and try and try again….

  • Mum

    Your sister's reaction is a classic example of a lack of "natural affection." It is so sad that so many families are in your situation because they have been indoctrinated with some bizarre notion that expressions of affection for one's own family are indicative of disloyalty to God.

    I don't know who said this, but I think of it a lot: "Acceptance is the key to ease in life." It is not easy to let family members go and be there if and when they are ready to accept you for the unique person you are, but it usually works better that trying to persuade people to love you when they are required to hate.

    You seem to be going in the right direction. Keep it up! There will be lots of people who accept you and love you for just who you are. Hang in there...

    Seize the day, and put the least possible trust in tomorrow. - Horace

    I have learned to live each day as it comes and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow. - Dorothy Dix

  • muslima


    Don't will get better. Even though it is probably not your nature... to be even the least bit egotistical...try to remember that it is definately your sisters' loss. We are good people and do not need, never did need, this organization to define us.

    hugs again,


  • Julie

    HI Xena,

    Sorry to hear of your heartache. Be proud of yourself for not bowing to pressure to do what you know in your heart is wrong and not falling for emotional blackmail. Remember too where one door is closed another opens.

    Seems to me you have friends here who care about you as much as their own siblings. You may have lost a sister but it appears you have merely traded that family in for one huge clan. For all of our differences I think deep down we all have regard for each other and some here really love others here. I believe you to be much loved here and you'd never had discovered all these treasured relationships if you'd chosen a different path.

    I know this is all small consolation for the loss of your realtionship with your sister but I just wanted to point at your gains to help soothe your pain from your loss.

    Sympathy and hugs,

  • WildHorses

    ((((((((Xena)))))))) I wish you lived near me. I would show you how it feels to have a loving sister. I love ya girl!

    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
    Eleanor Roosevelt
  • GoldDustWoman


    I'm sorry you had to experience that, sweetie.

    My Mother experienced much of the same by her JW siblings. There is only black and white with many of them. Gray is a color that does not exist in their world, no agreeing to disagree.

    Fall on your face?? Yeah, I've done that a "few" times! At least when you "stumble" in the world, you are not marked as bad association.


  • wonderwoman77


    I am sorry your sister treated you in that matter. You do not deserve that. It is sad when family puts others before us. If you ever need anything me and I will give you my number OK? You are a beautiful butterfly...spread your wings...


  • Xena

    I am sorry I am having a pity party today

    Mum, funny how they teach the lack of natural affection as a sign of one of the last days huh? lol shame they can't see the irony!

    Muslima, you are right I just need to realize it is her loss

    Julie, thank you...funny you kinda remind me of my sister before she became a and that is NOT an insult! She used to be a very intelligent strong women...I am sad to see what she has become.

    Lilacs, you are just a love!

    GDW, I called a "worldly" friend after I got off the phone with my the warmth and love I got from her were such a contrast from my "sister"!

    WW , thank you for your kindness and support!

  • closer2fine

    I'm so sorry Xena, no pity-party here - just support.


  • voltaire


    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. It's ok to feel a little pity. If it lasts for several weeks, don't hesitate to see a doctor. We j-dubs have an ingrained aversion to mental health professionals. Posting here helps me. I hope the support makes a difference for you , too. Keep us updated. I think experiences like yours are good to keep on the board. They may help someone to realize that there's a darker side to the JW thing.

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