what do you think of the elders who df'd you?

by c.t.russel the IVth 24 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  xmkx

  I wasn't DFed, I DAed, but I do wonder about one of the elders that spoke with me from time to time. I wonder how long it will take him to realize what a sham the WBTS is, or if he ever will. He was very well educated through his own personal research, a college graduate, and he was the only elder that actually encouraged me to think about things and research them (I'm female... I don't know how it is for others but I know in my congregation females were expected to pretty much just shut up and let the men do all the talking about "the deeper things"). I was really shocked that he could not comprehend at that meeting why I wanted to research religion outside of the Society's material... and equally shocked that he talked me around in circles about it rather than actually having a real discussion about it. That alone almost broke my heart. I had so much faith when I went in that room and found that he was going to be one of the elders talking to me that he would actually understand where I was coming from.

  I don't hold any resentment against them. I just wonder how they could sit there and tell a 15 year old that was just trying to figure out the truth for herself that she was free to do so as long as she stuck to one side of the story. That's like saying you're free to go where ever you want as long as you stay in your jail cell. :-/
• 

  restrangled

  Pw....my heart goes out to you. It was virtually the same thing for me, just 36 years ago. It was reversed, but the JC meetings never leave my inner being, especially twice.

  Forget about getting back in, its just more hassle than its worth, and those that shun will always shun. You also compromise yourself trying to make those people happy.

  Here was my aftermath.....

  After being Df'd In January of 1974 at 16, I knew I had to get to the KH immediately to prove my worth. My dad was an elder, my mom a pioneer, I had supposedly greatly besmirched Gods name and the family name. The very next meeting I started getting ready, but my parents were not. I told them we have to go. They reluctantly got ready....many years later admitting to me they went downstairs and had a couple of Martinis in order to deal with the ordeal.

  No such numbing for a 16 year old. I sat in the back of the hall for 3 months and never missed a meeting. I ran to the car during the concluding songs. At one of the meetings my life long best friend came up and hugged me...she was later told by one of the DFing elders that she was not to touch me as I was a piece of trash.

  I spent 3 Months alone, in my room. I left high school, but was still able to graduate that summer because I had enough credits. I spent that winter watching Roots. I totally identified with that movie. I was alone....I even felt guilty talking to my own parents. I was really absolutely alone especially during the torturous meetings where people looked, whispered, and made a huge deal of shunning me.

  That late March I went through another JC and it was reversed....then I also REVERSED....I never went back and left home about 6 months later. I WILL NEVER GO BACK...EVER!

  Don't go back. It doesn't pay. Be true to yourself.

  r.
• 

  jamiebowers

  I only remember two of the three. One was an arrogant bastard who couldn't wait to get rid of me I don't know if it was because he knew there was nothing they could do to help me to completely get away from my whacko jw husband or if he really didn't see a problem with a woman being beaten and strangled. The second one was a short, timid little fat guy who didn't have much to say. I have no memory of the third one. I don't hold anything personally against them unless they are continuing to revictimize battered wives.
• 

  mamochan13

  Restrangled - to go through that at 16 - well, I hope those guys have to answer one day for what they did to you. Like you, it was my reinstatement that really pushed me out the door.

  I hate the men that did it to me. I appealed, and lost, although I think they would have overturned it had I told them what really went on at the meeting (for example, the fact that they never even opened the bible or said a prayer). But I was afraid of saying a word against the elders and trusted in Jehovah to see the truth and ensure justice. My trust was misplaced.

  Then I moved to a new hall, and three new elders took over, although they still waited on the original three to make the final reinstatement decision. During the time from when they took on my case and when they finally told the original elders they were okay with my reinstatement, one elder's wife committed suicide and another elder was killed in a freak accident just months before I was finally reinstated. I felt incredible guilt wondering if my hatred and desire for revenge had somehow contributed to this.
• 

  Magwitch

  Restrangled....I remember so well when all of that happened to you, however until today, seeing it in words, do I start to understand the damage that was done to you.

  My df/ing was no where near as traumatic - probably because I did not show up or even hear about it for some time. I did know the 3 on the committee though...

  #1 elder. Was having an affair with his wife's biblestudy about 8 years earlier (I am sure he was dissappointed that he did not get the juicy details of my audulterous affair since we were all privy to the details of his)

  #2 elder. I do not think he had reached puberty yet

  #3 elder. A very okay elder