Well its easy to give an advice how things should be, but the basic truth is kids need time and space for experimenting which we adults often class as mischief but that's the only way they learn. We adults have years of accumulated experience of doing things right or wrong but it is sometimes easy to forget they have to learn everything from the beginning. They don't have a repository of past experiences, they have to try it to believe it (which by the way blows any 'past lives experience' nonsense right out of the water)
Being a parent or a guardian is a real pain in the butt, you know how things are supposed to be done and are seeing complete opposite. I see that with my daughter too. But funny thing happen when you actually let the do it their way after you told them what the best thing is to do. It lodges in their mind a bell mom/dad-told-us-so and more of these things happen more of a respect they develop even if they don't show it openly. In time it will build so much that they will start responding and showing respect.
The other thing about showing a respect to each other in the family, the thing is when people spend too much time together in the end they start to be irritated that the other person has a nose in the middle of their face. But if anything from the outside threatens family unit in any way you can see all that mischief evaporating in an instant and loyalty kick in. Which tells you it has been there all along but was suppressed because of boredom or alike.
Inside wtbs is imposed loyalty, how else explain so mach of public wound-licking on forums such as this one that can persist for years. While possible, chances are you don't see such public displays of discontent from normal family setting (unless they dealt with a psychopath of some kind)
WTBS loves to institutionalize people, then like inmates in prison they are all behaving nicely (or else). But I'd rather want to know what is really going on in a little head than suppress it all for the sake of outside appearance of a harmony (while pressure vents are sealed). The thing is with changes in hormones etc kids have often different and conflicting emotions and need a healthy way of dealing with them that is other than punishment. In fact, I'd say for the first 20 years they are going through different stages that need adaptable approach all along.
Funny thing is I remember when my little was only a year but had a funny sleeping cycle, elders were coming to my house to bug my ex to go to the meetings and bring our daughter along regardless how torturous that would be. I read them somewhere from Genesis where when Jacob met his brother Esau and Esau wanted them in a way to hurry up so Jacob said something along the lines "Why don't you go on ahead and let me travel along slowly with the children, the herds, and the flocks and we'll catch up later" i.e. take into account pace at which children go.
Crikey, I've never seen someone as offended by being read a paragraph from the very book they say they adhere to.
But judging by your posts I think you are a very good mom, the thing is all parents or most of normal ones anyway are going through the same thing and have always been. Heck, just watching National Geographic about lion cubs and you see the same. The thing is somehow all those kids turn out alright. You can see that by the fact that most people are relatively law abiding citizens and only minority are robing banks.
If I can suggest anything would be to try to find what they are passionate about and make everything revolve around that. Because when they are happy then everything else gets easier too. Try finding yourself the book by Sir Ken Robinson The Element - How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything. Actually its a good book even for us adults if we are unsure about what our talents are, let alone kids.
help with parenting ?
by creativhoney 15 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
-
zagor
-
mrsjones5
Thanks for the link to the book Zagor, it looks really interesting. My parents never cared about any of their kids talents, no nuture, no nothing. I, on the otherhand, am tickled when my kids discover their passions and try to foster them as much as possible.
My oldest son loves Anime and is never without a scetchbook, my daughter is heavily into fashion and likewise never without her sketchbook. I'm trying to teach her how to sew which is a much needed skill if wants to go to fashion school.
My second son is very limber and physical, he taught himself to stand on his head when he was 5, and is interested in playing footband and marital arts.
My third son is the wild card, has autism and is highly intelligent. His current love is anything Titantic. I recently bought him a 3D puzzle of the Titanic. I put it together first which was all the help he needed. He's been taking it apart and putting it back together for the last month.
-
Aussie Oz
I have been robbed of the parenting of my kids in the main. I know at home my 16 yr old boy gives lip to his mum, my daughter is so quiet i have no idea what she is like at home. He gets up to normal boy hi jinks that his mum does not know about.
But when they are with me, i never need to 'discipline' them. Seriously. They dont fight, are polite, considerate and do what ever i ask willingly. They are grateful for things they get and never complain.
I think my place is a haven from the hard line at home. I am glad though, because i dont have them for long enough to want to deal with crap!
I have seen a lot of kids go through all the 'normal' test the limits' and come out the other side as very well adjusted people,
oz
-
zagor
My pleasure mrsjones, you might then also like to check this video
-
yknot
My parents said I was responsible for my own actions......
I tell my kiddos the same thing........
I usually go to the 'time-out' method which includes them being in a silent non-distracting naughty spot for them to 'think about their actions', with the minutes alotted based on age (ie 10 min for 10 year olds). After the time-out the child has to either write or explain their erring action, an alternate remedy to said action, and proper applogies. Now if said child did something really really bad that required say a swat in the pants...... the time-out would stilll stand but after their 'plea', like a judge I would sentence them to an extra harsher penalty. (This is not always a swat, sometimes a restriction, writing out some copywork or some embarassing behavior on my part while picking them up from school---- I have half of a closet full of costumes just for this purpose).
So far it keeps them in line not necessarily for preventing me being seen as Hello Kitty......but because they 'discern' their choices and the expected outcomes.
-
nelly136
they are top of the class, polite to others and generally lovely boys
sounds like you're doing a great job, yup kids can be tetchy and gobby at home sometimes but if you can take them out without them embarrassing the crap out of you and theyre nicely behaved in general and to other people its half the battle won.
when you think back to why we were so well behaved it had more to do with having the snot and spirit slapped out of us when we werent being scared to beejesus of being vaddoomed by the big air god in the sky, so yup it is a bit of a culture shock to find our own kids are not the well trained automatic angels we were.
pick your battles, dont sweat the petty stuff (else you end up nit picking everything and its just a battle of wills) prioritise and concentrate on one major issue at a time else you'll run yourself in circles and its easy to forget to be consistant.