But then again, it is December.
It's cold tonight.
by John Doe 21 Replies latest jw friends
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John Doe
Little Johnny
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.
The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Nancy answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these b!tches would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "TIGER WOODS! CAN I GO NOW?" -
crapola
Funny JD.
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John Doe
The Honeymoon
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods. to find out what the par is for this damn hole." -
Satanus
Teacher asks the class make a sentence using the word contagious. Susie puts up her hand and tells the story about the flu going around, and then says, 'h1n1 is contagious'. That's right, susie, syas the teach. Johnny puts up his hand and tells the story about his mother shovelling the sidewalk. The garage door opening made snow slide off the roof, burying her up to her neck. Johnny tells the class that his father said, 'It'll take the contagious to dig herself outta that one'.
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beksbks
Baby it's cold outside
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mrsjones5
I really can't stay
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John Doe
That song makes me just a wee bit homicidal.
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mrsjones5
poor baby
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Robdar
Teacher asks the class make a sentence using the word contagious. Susie puts up her hand and tells the story about the flu going around, and then says, 'h1n1 is contagious'. That's right, susie, syas the teach. Johnny puts up his hand and tells the story about his mother shovelling the sidewalk. The garage door opening made snow slide off the roof, burying her up to her neck. Johnny tells the class that his father said, 'It'll take the contagious to dig herself outta that one'.
And you wonder why you don't have a girlfriend.