Fear and pain and death...

by Cowboy 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • Tina

    Good question!
    I don't fear death. I've come to learn it's part of the life cycle,inevitable.
    Like others I'm a bit apprehensive about the manner of it. Certainly don't want atrocious pain and something like Alzheimers is scary to me. I guess I would want control of that in those situations. To have the ability to end it at my discretion.
    I've seen far too many painful deaths to see any nobility is such great and useless suffering.
    I feel if you grab every day and use it as fully as you can,and you know that you grabbed life by the horns and squeezed as much of it out as you could,what's to fear? You've really lived and left death the dregs. luv,T

    Vive Bene
    Spesso L'amore
    Di Risata Molto!!!

  • ladonna


    As an adendum to my earlier post, I would like to add that after working in a hospice for two years, it was much harder watching others die than to face the possibility of my own death.

    I did this work not long after leaving the tower whilst I was studying two subjects at once. I did the graveyard shifts; in other words I sat "with" the dying for many hours in the middle of the night.

    This is where I learned not to fear death. But I have learnt that to lose loved one's and family is a frightening prospect.

    As Tina and others have said, I would not wish to have a medical condition that left me powerless. I put a fair amount of research into this and read a book called "Final Exit".

    Whilst I am not here trying to start a euthanasia thread, I do feel we each have the right to choose our own dignified way of dying.

    I would recommend the books of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross to any intrested in the subject of death and dying. You will certainly find that you are not alone in your feelings. It is NOT morbid writing either. This woman has it all summed up in plain English (sorry, USA) and easy to read for all. Her sense of humor and empathy are a tribute to a woman who really cared about people.

    Sorry I did not do this post earlier.......tired.


  • Frenchy

    Good question, Cowboy, but one not easily answered. Oh, it's easy enough to sit at the keyboard with your morning's cup of coffee and quickly tap out: I don't fear death. The truth of the matter is that fear of death is hardwired into each person as it is in animals.

    We do not generally go around with this morbid fear of that eventualitiy because that ability to push that thought aside is also hardwired into us otherwise we would not be able to function.

    The fear is there. Understanding and dealing with it will keep it manageable in most cases.

  • ashitaka

    Well, I'm more afraid of my wife dying than myself dying. Hope to die in my sleep when it happens. And after my wife passes away. I couldn't let her deal with that.

    I think we just wonder how much pain is involved. My grandfather just passed away, and it looked like a horror him. I remember just five minutes before he died, that his chest was rising only a few times a minute. Truly disturbing, and upsetting. It seems almost impossible for there to be death still, with all of the brilliant minds working the problem, but alas, death will always be there.

    The only thing I fear is not taking care of my wife until she eventually passes away. After that happens, life is immaterial.


  • Sky

    I have always feared death, even as a loyal regular pioneer.
    I think my fear comes from worrying I will not have done everything that I wanted to do when the time comes.
    I am of course working on getting everything done... ;)
    In these past few years, death has become, not so scary to me, since my wonderful "apostate" grandmother died of brain cancer. I have had experiences with her that have told me death is not a bad thing.
    No Im not a fruitcake... (well not a big one...)
    I never believed in angels or spirits until after her death when I had these experiences.
    I am very sceptic still about alot of things with the afterlife, but not sceptic about what I have experienced.
    So, yes I am still scared, but not as much as I was as a JW.

  • Cowboy

    Thanks to all for your replies.

    Yes,I have a greater fear of a long debilitating illness than of death itself-I too hope not to die a lingering death.And more importantly,I hope that my loved ones don't have to,either.My father passed in such a way,and it was tough,on everybody.

    The death of a loved one is the pain I do fear,for everyone involved.


    We ride and never worry about the fall
    I guess that's just the cowboy in us all

  • Esmeralda

    Hey Cowboy :)

    My (also ex-JW) sister and I were discussing this, as her father in law passed away weeks ago after an eight year bout with cancer. It literally took the man piece by piece, and was hell for his family to watch. I was amazed by the fact that even though he was in his late sixties, he was determined to try everything he could to stay alive.

    She asked me the same questions you ask, and my response was, "Hell, I don't know what's after death." Interesting choice of words I guess, eh?

    I am not afraid to die. This may or may not be a by product of the years (and I mean years) that I spent living with suicidal depression.

    I haven't been suicidal in five years and am looking forward to a long life (my husband says I have to live to be at least 110 :)

    I live with pretty hefty pain courtesy of MS and am, realistically, looking at a decline in my health in years to come. I refuse to waste too much time thinking about it now, though. MS will not shorten my lifespan significantly, but (according to my doctors at least) it will in time pretty well disable me. Unless they find a cure. I have already lost a lot of my independence to it, but I won't let it take my spirit with it.

    I think that fear of death is so closely related to what you believe happens afterward that I can't seperate the two. I also know that in my case it has a lot to do with the quality of my life. As I've become happier, I dislike the idea of dying much more (not fear, just dislike)

    I'm not making much sense. What I'm trying to say is, I don't fear my own death so much as I fear trying to have to live a life without the people I love most.

    Very deep. Will have to ponder this awhile. I agree with the others who have said though that if death is pre-occupying your thoughts or you feel depressed, please seek help. (This is to anyone on the board who may be contemplating) Life is worth hanging around for. I can say this from experience.


  • Cowboy

    (((((Essie)))))Makes perfect sense to me.I admire your strength.


    BTW-Thanks for your concern guys,but don't worry-like I said,I don't want to die.

    We ride and never worry about the fall
    I guess that's just the cowboy in us all

  • Tina

    I resent your blanket smug statement Frenchy,'easy sitting at the keyboard' . In Anas case and mine we have worked with death and dying on a daily basis. It's a lot more here than an intellectual exercise which I guess it is for you to be able to make a blanket assumption.
    Please get your head out of your ass before you do this. Recognize there are varied experiences here that fall out of your limited worldview of people.

    Vive Bene
    Spesso L'amore
    Di Risata Molto!!!

  • picosito

    What makes me mad is that we're born without being asked (not a complaint, just a statement) and then are subjected to a varied number of choices of organizations and philosophies to choose from (if not raised a JW or something else). A number of the religious orgs tell us that they are the truth, and if we fall away, even if we realize their falsehoods with the brain we were given, then there'll not be everlasting life of some kind for us because we rejected their TRUTH. I think whoever or whatever created us or let us be born should bear the responsibility for our not being condemned because of whatever we have to go thru in this life. That would be fair and loving, so we could have a real chance to make valid decisions.

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