Introducing myself

by Aeiouy 45 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Aeiouy
    Aeiouy

    And a third continuation........Meh

    However, breaking up with her had a very good affect on me. An unexpected one. I finally could see through it all, and see how this 'truth' has been affecting my life. There is a book that she had given me, entitled "Taking back your life." It's about cults and abusive relationships. I decided to pick it up and read it. This book is not about JW's or the WTS. But if I didn't know better, I would think it was. It describes everything that goes on in this Org. Over this past week, I have seen how much the opinions of men have swayed everything that is taught. Then I found this site. Best thing that's ever happened to me, other that meet this girl from work. After reading things like Amazing's post on masturbation, I feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes.

    One thing that had always bothered me was not being able to have a beard. Where was that in the Bible? I never told anyone from work about it because I was so embarrased. I realize now I was embarrased because I knew how stupid of a rule it is. And then to see how it started with Rutherford's feud with Russell. Ridiculous. So I started growing a beard. :)

    I wanted to tell my story because I need some advice. My brother is DF'd, sister was never baptized and is a druggy, dad is an inactive SOB reproved elder whom I haven't seen in years. But mom is still a JW. She doesn't know how I feel. I love my mom. I always have and always will. I need help breaking this to her. I'm thinking I'm just gonna stop meetings cold turkey and grow a beard, and she will get the idea. But I know there are going to be problems and I'm not looking forward to them. She has said she will remain loyal to Jehovah regardless of what I do, which means she would cut all contact off with me if I'm df'd. Any ideas would be great.

    Now, I feel much better. I've realized that in order for me to be happy, I do not need my mother's love. But I DO need to love my mother. So I am happy because I do love her, regardless of how she feels about me. What she thinks and believes is up to her, and I will love her even if she cannot talk to me because of JW requirements. I also have lost any feelings of being lost this week. I've realized that I have a journey, and it's ok to not know the answer. For the first time, I actually look forward to NOT being a JW, because I now have the freedom to examine everything. And that is exciting. It is a journey that I am looking forward to, and I think I won't get bored in my travels. My only wish is that my girl, the one from work that I let down again, can forgive me. I hope she can see the difference she has made in my life, and how much she has changed my outlook for the better.

    Anyways, thanks for letting me introduce myself. I look forward to any replies, and also being a part of a community like this. Talk to you all soon.

    Aeiouy

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    welcome to this marvelous place. i didcovered it myself only a few weeks ago. I thought i would find a ton of hate and slander, what i found was mostly a justified loathing and cold hard facts, much from the watchtowers own printing press.

    I was DF 10 years ago and at the time my mother was (and still is) the only JW left in the family. As she lives several thousand kilometers away, contact had always been sporadic anyway.

    about 5 years ago i went to my Disaccociated sisters wedding. All the family was there including my older DF brother and faded younger siblings. So was mum.

    My mother treated us all the same, no judgement, no shunning. at one time i gave her a hug and apologized for the pain she no doubt felt and the awkwardness of it all, for i respect greatly my mother for sticking with her faith even though i see it as wrong. Anyway, her reply was simply, i justwant my children to be happy.

    Even today, i can visit and stay at her home. I have not written this to tell my story, but perhaps it may help to show that not all mothers will shun their children. I don't know how she squares this up with her faith, perhaps deep down she knows it's wrong too. But, to me, my mother is the only sane witness i know. And i love her as unconditionaly as she does me.

    Oz

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    Unless you can avoid the elders, it looks like a fade will be difficult. There's no easy way of telling your mom that you don't want to be a jw, and she'll probably shun you. A good way to get your girl back would be to offer to go to a few joint counseling sessions, so she'll halfway understand the pressures you were under and how you're going to deal with them in the future. Combating Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan will further help with the cult thinking, and Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz will help you to better understand the organization.

    You may also want to check out freeminds.org . Good luck and God speed.

    Edited to add: are you going to contact your brother and dad?

  • Hopscotch
    Hopscotch

    Welcome Aeiouy and thank you so much for sharing your journey so far with us.

    How exciting for you to be finding your freedom to live your life your way while you are still so young. And what you said about loving your mother was so very true - what she does is up to her.

    Wishing you all the best with the rest of your journey

    Hopscotch

  • Aeiouy
    Aeiouy

    @Aussie: Thank you for that. That is actually very encouraging. I know my mom loves me. And I'm sure she still will. This is just a very difficult situation as you well know.

    @jamiebowers: I plan on avoiding them like the plague. I know the persuasive influence they can have, and I'm not ok with that in my life anymore. AS far as my brother, I may get in contact with him. We'll see. My dad on the other hand is an abusive ass who I wish to have no dealings with. I cut off contact with him, not because he stopped being a witness, but because of his abusive actions. He was reproved for fits of anger. That should give an idea of how he treated my mother and I. I'm not bitter toward him anymore. And if he died, I would probably go to his funeral, something I would not have done 4 years ago. But I have no interest in being pals with him. I just downloaded Crisis of Conscience. I'll check out the other book too, and that website. Thanks for the info.

    @Hopscotch: Thank you very much for the support.

  • wobble
    wobble

    Dear Aeiouy,

    HUGE WELCOME ! I can see you will be an asset to this board, and hopefully we can be of help and support to you too.

    My advice in your situation is to try your best to achieve a fade,rather than cause any action against you by the BOE.

    I stopped FS, then a few months later stopped attending,and have never been back.

    I got the two Elder visit, handled it as per advice gleaned from here, and have had no problem since. My extended family is all in, they all speak with me, and welcome me in the most loving way, and so do most Dubs that I meet. I have an 89 year old Mum who has been in for 60 years and so I don't wish to lose contact with her.

    I have made it plain that I will not try to get people to follow me out. (This is not strictly true, as I plant seeds at every opportunity)

    I hope you can achieve something similar, PLEASE seek and take advice from here if anything develops.

    Good Luck, welcome to freedom and happiness !

    Love

    Wobble

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    WELCOME!!! It seems you have had a tough few weeks. Make the break and get on with the rest of life, free from guilt and fear. The issue with your mum is a big one. The chances are if she is really devout she will shun you. But continue to love her in an unconditional way.

    It sounds like your sister need help, think of ways to support her too, I don't know if you have any influence but she needs to to get off the crap.

    Enjoy this forum, I do, and I have had to make some massive changes over the last 6 months and still have some major ones ahead of me. It is daunting, but the support here makes things seem easier.

    Good luck with your transition.

  • asilentone
    asilentone

    Welcome to the board, it does feel good not to have to shave everyday, I don't shave everyday. I shave when it itches or when I feel like it.

  • carpediem
    carpediem

    Welcome to the forum

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Maybe showing the "wanted "girlfriend this site & your remaks about her would be a help to her

    She sounds like a gal that would be an assett to you. The fact that she gave you the first book
    shows that she cares. Good to have you aboard ...Just keep on loving your MUM & Yes if you can help
    your Sister,I wouldnt be surprised to hear that all of you trying to rope her in to the WT introduced

    her to an escape into the drug world..Keep on keeping on!!!!

    http://exjw.weebly.com/ Grace Gough known as Mouthy/Granny

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