Dealing with Being DF'd (page 2)

feeling good

Hi Jen,

I am newly out but I did not have family in but close friends who changed with me even though I was not DF'd as of yet.

I agree with the other posters time heals all wounds. If you parents want to see your kids and you called them, then I would leave it at that you can't beg them to have a relationship with you or help you. Show them that you are a strong women and will do it on your own. Also, becareful not to jump into another relationship, you have enough going on now in your life.

I am a firm believer if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger. I have just a few good friends outside the organization who love me for who I am. I am grateful for everything I have.

I am sending you a PM.

M

dig692

Hi Jen, sorry to hear you are going through this. I can tell you from experience that it does get easier, but because you make it easier.

I was DF'd for a long time, and wanted to get reinstated so that I could have my friends back and so my husband's family could talk to me again (kind of a dumb reason I know, but I thought it was what I needed at the time) I was reinstated nearly 2 months ago, and guess what? None of my so called friends have even tried to get in contact with me. To them I will always be the one that got DF'd. I will always have that mark now.

Your parents might be having a hard time trying to figure out if they should ignore what they have been brainwashed to think and just accept you as their daughter no matter what. I hope that they come around and continue to keep in contact with you and your kids. But if they choose not to, just know that it's their loss. You will feel better in time; it wont be this way forever. Hang in there.

HappyGuy

Hi Jen,

Your parents will be wishy washy on how they treat you because the WTBTS is dishonest about it. In the literature, the WTBTS walks right up to telling parents that their DF'd children are dead to them, but doesn't actually come right out and say that. The WTBTS is sneaky and they fill in the blanks in talks and comments from the platform. Then later when someone says "You teach that parents are to treat DF'd children as if they are dead" the WTBTS claims innocence and says "We didn't SAY that (in the publications)". But, they are lying because they did say it in public talks either in the congregations or at assemblies.

Then, every once in a while when public exposure on this issue becomes too much, they will publish a "let them return to Jehovah...." article that they don't really mean. They won't actuallly follow up on it. So the family of DF'd people will soften their hearts a little until the next "Are you keeping the congregation clean...." nonsense.

It is a cruel game that the WTBTS plays.

Your parents are just caught up in an emotional roller coaster.

What I don't get is how they use your children as pawns in this.

If it were me I would tell my parents, "if you want my children in your life then they have to be all the way in your life or they are not in your life".

Someone on here made a great post the other day about telling his family words to that effect. I don't remember it exactly now. That way you can put the burden on them and take it off your own shoulders. You didn't do anything wrong.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

OnTheWayOut

With his religious background, your ex might use a boyfriend moving in as a reason to revisit custody issues. I would contact your divorce lawyer before doing anything, discuss what effect appearances might have on such issues.

As far as whether it gets better or not, it will. It might not get better with the parents. It might. But your life, your confidence, your lonliness- all that will get better. You are early out still. You need to have more friends. You need to feel your place, where you belong. Sooner or later, you will find it.

flipper

JEN- I'm so sorry you are dealing with this difficult circumstance. I too was in a DFed state for 4 years . My JW parents rarely talked to me at all- maybe 2 times in that 4 years. And that's when I called to check on their health. When I got reinstated in 2002 - I became inactive stopped attending in 2003 for good. Interestingly enough my parents supported me in an inactive fading state- but never did in a disfellowshipped state.

Keep in mind that the WT society and Jehovah's Witnesses are very technical in application of their bizarre rules. Many times as long as you are not LEGALISTICALLY DFed by the WT society - your witness family will still associate with you. My parents do- and I haven't attended in 6 years. But my mom recently told my 22 year old JW daughter that if I HAD been DFed her and my father would NOT talk to me.

So it's ridiculous. I know this might be a bad piece of advice - but if you think your JW parents like mine will ALWAYS follow the stupid rules of the WT society in shunning you - perhaps ( even though you don't believe the scam of the witnesses ) if you worked at getting reinstated in order for your parents to talk to you- you could fade and just stop going to meetings after reinstatement. This is just an idea which you may pursue if you so choose. I'm not saying you SHOULD do it - I'm just presenting you an option that I did - and at least I'm still talking to my 80 something year old JW parents.

Believe me, I feel for your situation and my heart hurts for you. In fact I have tears on the edge of my eyes as I'm writing this. Please be assured of my wife and my sincere caring. If you'd like to talk more sometime- please feel free to PM me or talk on the phone. I may have more ideas for you. Hang in there, and keep your chin up

happinessinparadise

You have a lot going on....especially with twinnies and a singleton....yikes! am there and know it....

we excommunicated our friends and family which they didn't like...some begged and still trying to get DF'd for apostacy but it seems to be harder than one would think!!! It appears I'm not good at anything....

There are lots of friends out there....just take what little time you have and get to a church play group....or look on Craiglists for playgroups...easy way to meet tons of new people...there will be ones you like and don't like...just the cult...but at least they won't like you because you are a seat warmer...

lots of luv here!

Black Sheep

I don't believe it's the true religion and I'm out to show my kids there's something more to life.

You are going to go through a whole heap of trouble due to this conclusion, but it is correct.

We didn't ask our parents to bring us up in their cult. That was their choice. They need to grow some balls and deal with the consequences of that decision.

Our responsibilty is to ensure that our kids don't suffer the same damage. I failed that one. Now I am in damage control mode and that is no fun either.

Stick around and learn from our mistakes and our successes.

Cheers

Chris

Quadraphoenix

Hang in there love.

I'm not disfellowshipped nor have I disassociated myself as I'm on a mission here in Cyprus to bring down this cult, but that's another story.

Things will get better, I promise. Love your family, even though it may seem that they don't show the same compassion to you.

You will look back on the situation you're in and smile, whilst also wondering wtf you were ever doing in a cult. You mentioned that you remained as a JW due to fear. You have to work on releasing your fear. Fear drives the world. If you can escape from fearing men, you will suffer far less.

Kind regards
Quadraphoenix

-

If you're in Cyprus and are a Jehovah's Witness, but know that something's wrong with the religion, look out for the Four Winged Phoenix in next years 3 day assembly.

jonathan dough

This will permanently dispell any doubts about going back.

http://144000.110mb.com/index.html

WTWizard

I would recommend checking to see if they are genuinely mean spirited. Most witless parents are torn between their disfellowshipped children and the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger. The religion programs them to try and make you feel guilty about missing the boasting sessions, or breaking the rules of the religion. Usually, very little can be done because the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger is so good at programming the witlesses to remain faithful to Jehovah regardless of how high the cost is.

However, if your parents are genuinely mean spirited (above and beyond what the religion programs them to be), you owe them precisely zero honor. If the parents are acting based on the religion, then you should still not be obligated to go along with the religion (which you now believe is wrong). There is a chance that they will see the way out (but, shunning you is their way of preventing you from showing them the way out), and then things will be back to something that resembles normal.

As for me, I do not have that problem. I faded out (to waste their time and resources in deciding whose turn it is to hound me), and I do not give a f*** about any of the humanoids that I would be surrounded by if I ever went back. For me, I would have more of a problem dealing with being recaptured than being disfellowshipped, since I have nothing worth returning for.

Dealing with Being DF'd

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