Dissociative Identity Disorder and Therapy (page 2)

writerpen

In May I returned to therapy to make another attempt at overcoming the bulimia. My relationship and career were at stellar moments (they still are). It was then that all these symptoms returned (the inner voices, etc.). I ignored it for a while until the day I was on a call with executives from one of the nation's largest retailers. we were talking about analytics for a recent program, and all of a sudden this kid inside of me comes forward and nearly screams into the phone. Another "insider" stepped up and grabbed him and beat him back. That was when I realized I needed to find a specialist in dissociative disorders, that the eating disorcer social worker just wasn't going to cut it. I did find an expert in the field (who's been widely published). I've only seen her four times, and the central focus right now is learning who is inside and getting them to work together so that another client phone call (or any other important part of my life) is not jeopardized. It's so crazy, and many times I don't even believe it until I find myself pushed to the back as another one of these things (parts?) takes over and does things that i would never consider doing.

Lady Lee, I believe trauma work is much farther down the road, but this psychologist has assured me that she heals in a way that does not call for a lot of drama and will not intefere with my career and relationship. I hope she is right. As i comtemplate what's going on inside, though, I can't help but to realize how much of an influence the JW religion had on me. While i have only brief blips of sexual abuse, I can only imagine the feeling inside of my young self knowing that I was supposed to scream. To this day, I remember, at age 11, my father sitting us down and telling us that my sister had leukemia and that they were giving her a blood transfusion. The only thing I thought of in that moment was, "God [i will never use his supposed name ever again in my life] is going to kill us."

oompa

well not heard of this one....and not wanting to bashcrash or such...but i was recently diagnosed as having a form of post traumatic stress disorder!..........we just keep reliving and reliving this crap...and trying to figure a way out of it..and volia ...we are driving ourselves nuts............oompa

Satanus

I know that i must have done some kind of dossociating when i was a jw. When my bro, who i was closest too died, i felt nothing. Stiil, to this day, i feel nothing about it.

After leaving, i spent yrs trying to get at the primal pain. I went to a few therapists, hypnotherapists and psychotherapists to help w this. As well, in mediation i would try to get at it, because i knew that it was there. After yrs of trying, one day, a couple of yrs ago, when i was working, it came up. AND, it was too much. I didn't suppress it, even so, because i really wanted to go through it, no matter what the cost. The pain was so great, that i tried to think where i could find a gun to end it. Couldn't think of one, anywhere. So, i drove into town and bought a bottle of porto. Drank that. Drunk and crying, i kept working. I made it through that, but i don't bother w trying to regress, anymore. Had to wait till i sobered up, before i could drive home. They razzed me about that for a yr.

S

writerpen

Thanks, oompa and satanus, for sharing your story/situation. Wishing you much peace.

chickpea

my experience is outside the professional
realm and deals with individuals who had
not been in therapy until after the emergence
of alters...others....

one system i was privvy to had 2 very young
manifestations, an angry pre-adolescent and
the 18 YO who held the music..... the birth person
had been SA'd by both her parents, a grandfather
and was passed around at parties...

one person i know is not the birth person....
the alter who is out says she is afraid if the
birth person, the "core" emerges, she will
disappear....

i sing lullabyes to the littles, write children's
stories for the middles, let the angry ones
rage and believe them when they say they
are who they say they are...

i can tell by the angle of N's head that
the 18 YO is fronting....

i can tell when D's blue eyes look green"
that n**** has emerged

when H is rocking when she sits on the floor
it can only be r**

i know one person who was reintergrated
after the fact, but had met other people
who had known her alters.... evidently
a successful reintegration can carry traits
of all the facets of the system

there is nothing anyone can say to
me to make me doubt the reality
of DID... the pain expressed is too
real and the longing for trust is
beyond heartbreaking.....

writerpen

Chickpea, thanks again for your response. I believe the manifestations are probably one of the biggest things that my new DID psychologist is using to try and learn the system. She's also, I believe, trying to help me be aware of them. We're still early in the relationship (I've only seen her 4 times), but she asked me recently, at a moment when I was apparently manifesting something different, if I felt a difference, kind of like an "away" feeling from me. I was, so that was a small step to greater awareness. The weird thing is this: the psych talked directly to that one part in that moment, and not just that one, but all of them inside just stopped in their tracks and looked up, like a group of cats looking up as someone comes through the door. There was this kaleidoscope of feelings: I couldn't identiy one feeling, rather it was like a mixing pot of feelings that intertwined together. She invited that one part, whom she felt was a protector, to communicate with her via face-to-face, email, etc. OMG! An email was sent and all I could do was sit back and watch it in unbelievable embarassment.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your exeperience with your friend. And excuse my rambling.

AdaMakawee

Writer, thanks for being brave enough to come here and talk about your experience. I cannot imagine your experience, but I did have my own little piece of hell, and I dealt with it in my own way. I don' t know the terminology for any of it, I seem to have been able to compartmentalize it without developing another distinct personality. Sort of like hiding in a closet and watching it happen to someone else almost like an out of body experience. I know that the therapy will help you heal and integrate this. It sounds like you are a very intelligent individual. I wish you all the best in your road to recovery.

Ada

Lady Lee

Out of body experiences are common for childhood trauma survivors. It is a form of dissociation.

If we think of dissociation as a continuum daydreaming is at one end of the continuum along with highway hypnosis (driving home but not being really aware of where you are turning or snoozing on a bus only to wake up just before your stop). At the extreme opposite end is full blown complex DID similar to Sybil (from the movie by the same name) where parts come out and take over while other parts are unaware of their existence. There is a whole range of dissociative experiences that are in the middle ground.

Multiples will often lose time, sometimes waking up in places not knowing where they are or how they got there. it sounds scary to us but it is normal for them. In fact they think this happens to everyone. Who knew time followed ina direct sequence?

The younger a person is during a traumatic or series of traumatic events the more likely they are to develop a high level of dissociation to cope with the trauma.

There is one theory that I think has some validity that as infants we are all born in a dissociative state. Even wonder how a child can fall down and be screaming blue murder one second and then get up and run away laughing as if nothing had happened. The theory states that infants are not capable of more than one feeling at a time. As adults we can feel fear and confusion and even feel relief all at the same time. Yound children can't do that hence the mood switches that seem to come out of nowhere. The theory goes on to discuss how children who are traumatized very early in life never manage to integrate the range of emotions - the mood states stay separate, each developing into a part or alter. In 13 years working with multiples this makes a lot of sense to me.

Most cult members develop a "cult personality". It is part of the indoctrination. You are programmed to think and behave in a certain manner. But this is not true DID. It is not developed in relation to trauma and that is the key for DID. There is a traumatic element to it. A cult personality often fades away after a person has left the cult

rebel8

So, quite frankly, I do take offense at someone knocking my own experience.

If you reread my post, you will see I never did that whatsoever. Quite frankly, I do not appreciate my post being characterized as such.

You started a thread inquiring if anyone had experiences. I spent my free time to answer, respectfully and nonjudgmentally, just as you requested.

Lady Lee

To be honest rebel I have to agree with writer. When I read your post I thought you were dismissive about DID, that it was something brought on by the therapists.

I have met people who claim to be multiples and in working with them I doubted the diagnosis because an alter never came out to talk to me (required for validation of the diagnosis).

On the other hand I have been totally surprised whenever an alter would come out to talk to me. I have worked with some clients for years and the alters have remained consistent in their tone of voice, mannerisms, emotions and experience. No matter how good an actor is I doubt they could pull it off so consistently. I don't doubt DID for one minute.

At the same time I do agree that in many cases overeager therapists were suggesting DID to some highly sensitive patients. In my opinion you just don't go in looking for alters. You work to strengthen the person. Once that work is being done the others will come when needed.

Dissociative Identity Disorder and Therapy

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