My husband is not going to divorce me after all!

by doublelife 24 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  AudeSapere

  Many times when one person wakes up to the deception of the WTS, the other fears that they will become all sorts of immoral crap and that there is no reason to stay with the one 'still in'. They are conditioned to believe that all non-JWs are loose, drug addicted, selfish, sex-fiends.

  Re-assure of your commitment to him and your marriage.

  With regard to his talking to another elder, understand his side. He doesn't have the answers and does need someone to confide in.

  Maybe ask if he can wait a week or two. Just to let the two of you settle-in a bit before introducing another person to your situation.

  Sorry for your situation.

  It ain't easy.

  -Aude.
• 

  AudeSapere

  Forgot to add. I really like JamieBowers suggestion to perhaps put him in contact with one of JWNs ex-elders - or even a current elder.

  Also, HappyGuy's comments about apostacy. Even though many of us Boldly and Proudly wear that label, I think it's mostly just flippancy. In your situation, it may be best to NOT accept that label. It's not YOU that's apostacized; it's the ORG itself that has apostacized.

  For me, when I first walked out of the hall, it was because I just really believed that at some point we have to INDIVIDUALLY stand before Jehovah - and I just really did not agree with some of what I felt in the KH. I did not feel that I could in good conscience continue to sit in my sear because just sitting there listening to what seemed very wrong to me meant that I was complicit with what was being taught. It was my god-given conscience that urged me to walk out that day. At the time, I resolved to just wait until the org got back on track. THEN I learned that that was never going to happen...! But by then, I was ready to know it!

  Best wishes for success in your exit and future discussions with your husband.

  -Aude.
• 

  HappyGuy

  Another thing you might do is use your feminine wiles to take your husbands mind off of the WTBTS. :)

  That is what my wife does when she wants something from me!
• 

  LouBelle

  That last post was just stupid.

  double life - it sounds promising - plus you've got him thinking. It may or may not get out, that depends on how discreet your husband is.
• 

  doublelife

  After reading everyone's responces, I'm starting to realize that it will get back to the elders eventually. But, as Robdar suggested, I think I want to be busted. I'm tired of not being me. After talking with my husband last night and expressing myself out loud, I feel more confident about feeling the way I do. My only concern now is my mom. I don't really care what anyone else thinks. And I don't think my husband will be comfortable talking to any of the elders or ex-elders on here. But thanks for the suggestion.

  Oh, and HappyGuy, that post wasn't stupid. I've been doing that to keep him from going out in service. And for the most part, it works. lol
• 

  HappyGuy

  doublelife,

  I don't know if you still love God or not, I know my leaving the WTBTS was about not believing them anymore, not doubting that I loved God. One thing that I saw crystal clear is that the way the WTBTS tells us to "study" is very damaging. The WTBTS literature is gloomy, pessimistic, arrogant, etc, etc, etc. Reading the New Testament with an open heart and mind is a totally different experience.

  One thing you might suggest to your husband is that you study the BIBLE together, not the WTBTS literature. If he objects you can point out the the WTBTS tells us NOT to read the Bible on our own and you can point out how controlling that is. Suggest that you continue your family study but study THE BIBLE instead of the dammm Watchtower.

  When you compare what Jesus actually says and does to what the WTBTS says and claims that God will do, the distinction is quite stark.

  One example, for an Orthodox Jew (which Jesus was one) to touch a leper made the Jew unclean physically, morally, spiritually, and legally. The person could not participate in ANY aspects of normal life without going through a gruelling "cleansing" process. Yet, when the leper made his way through to crowd to touch Jesus and said "LORD, if you but want to you can make me clean" and Jesus replied "I WANT TO, be made clean" with tears running down his face and touching the leper while saying it. Now the law that Jesus was under told him to RUN AWAY from the leper. Any other Orthodox Jew would have done so.

  Contrast that person with the nit picking, bureaucratic,, doctrine squabbling WTBTS leadership.
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  doublelife,

  If you really want to mix things up, you could privately tell the elders that your husband has been raising questions about the organization and "da troof". You (as the brainless, submissive, stereotypical dub-wife) don't know what to tell your husband and you don't want him to know that you've taken this to the elders, so if they'd please be confidential. He's asked things like...

  "How could the 144,000 be literal since that small number would have easily been filled in the first century several times and yet again in the early 20th century?"
  "Why is it only Watchtower believes that Jerusalem was destroyed by Babylon in 607BCE when the entire Jewish community, historians, archaelogists, and all evidence clearly points to 587 as the earliest possible year?"
  "Why does the entire conservative Jewish community recognize that the biblical ban on eating blood applies to literal eating of dead animal blood, while Watchtower twists it to be a ban on life-saving medical usage of blood from living donors?"
  "Why are non-biblical expressions like 'governing body' being used constantly in Watchtower publications?"
  "How could the global flood be literally true? How would the kangaroos and koala bears have gotten to the ark before the flood, and then all the way to Australia after the flood? How could all the unique species in the world have possibly fit inside the ark?"
  "Why does the Society insist that Daniel existed and was prophetic when the least bit of independent research reveals that it was written hundreds of years later by someone else?"

  Wow would he get his eyes opened about the ugly side of the cult.

  Of course, you're probably not as wicked and evil about exposing the truth about "the truth" as that. But back to your question...

  Do you think the news will end up getting back to my elders?

  Unless your husband is a master of disguises, speaking with JW elders in a parallel universe, I'd say that chances are good that there will be finger-pointing. So, make your questions really count.
• 

  The Almighty Homer

  Logical Billy
• 

  doublelife

  Billy: Ha ha! That's funny. But you're right, I'm not wicked enough to do that.

  HappyGuy: That's a good suggestion and yes, I still love God. But as for the family study, we never had that to begin with. My husband has always been a self-proclaimed lazy jw. He never studies and he doesn't even pray except for when he eats. I would never have admitted this to anyone at the time, but, that's one of the reasons I married him. My mom was such an overly strict jw that I knew I didn't want to marry someone like that. But he was very good at fooling my family into thinking he was spiritual.
• 

  The Oracle

  Billy, that is genius.

  The Oracle