Inability to develop close connections with others (page 3)

restrangled

Hi lemon Lime...

I totally understand what you are posting about.

I tend to not trust anyone, have few friends, and anyone new I assume will eventually dump me. So I don't invest in relationships at all. My own family and entire community I grew up with was able to throw me out, why wouldn't a stranger do it sooner?

People I have made friends with get upset that I don't maintain the relationship.

Its extremely hard. My family has changed their minds but, I still don't trust them.....tomorrow they may get word to dump me like yesterday's garbage.

It's a horribly lonely way to live, but I trust very few people in my life.

r.

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

LLS,

Growing up a dub, I was socially ackward. After I went to Bethel, I made a lot of "friends" and I became more realistic in my expectations of friendships, I suppose. I think the JW expectations and the TV scripts set our image of "friendships" as something unrealistic and nearly unattainable in the real world.

"I find myself compensating by working excessively long hours at the office, getting half sloshed by myself on a regular basis, and acting like a jerk around what friends I do have."

First, I'd suggest learning to be your own best friend, that's something that I often forget and need to reestablish in order to connect with others. Then, rather than working excessively long hours, perhaps use some of that time getting to know others at work, helping them, and see if they are "friend material" by helping you. Get involved in something you enjoy, take classes, join a health club. Or take a part-time job that might pay little, but will put you around interesting people.

Simon

I call it being socially retarded, though that isn't PC I suspect.

he he he ... I've referred to myself as a social retard more than once. Great minds (or at least socially retarded ones) do think alike !

DrJohnStMark

yadda yadda 2: I would compare it to someone from another culture and
country who moves to a new country but can no longer
associate with persons of their own culture

This brings up some memories: First I had some quite hard years after quitting JWs. It was difficult to mix with other people (fortunately I had lots of work to do which kept me basically sane). I hated that as one consequence, or handicap, of being a born-in JW and seldom told anyone about my past.

Then I got a job in another country (with another language) and spend a few years there. This turned out to be a great relief. I was still an alien and had some difficulties in communication with others but now, that's how I felt, it was for an acceptable reason so that anyone could understand it with no explanation needed! After that experience everything has been much easier.

Afterwards I have realized that for most people, if I happen to mention about my JW past, it is irrelevant to them, a curiosity at most. Only another ex-JW can understand what it might mean.

undercover

marking to read later...(wish I had seen this earlier, looks like a good read)

Quandry

The experiences of the WTS and the instant losing of most of your "friends" followed by the realization that they never were real friends in the first place really dents your confidence and makes it difficult to make connections because it is a scary thing to do after going through that.

Yes, this is how it is for me, too. When "in" I had sooooo many friends. Invited to so many things, etc. Of course, now that I am "dangerous" to the congregation because I have spoken against elders, I don't have those friends.

For a couple of years after leaving, my husband and I were so devastated that we stayed inside with the blinds shut, and would seldom go outside. Now, I do want to reach out but am so nervous. I actually feel sorry for anyone that wants to be my friend. I ask myself why they would want to spend any time with me. I don't feel "friend material."

It is hard, very hard.......and yes, scary.......

Inability to develop close connections with others