A good point needs to be highlighted regarding communication issues with respect to the single dimensional written word vs multi-dimensional face to face communication. Experts say that about 80% to 90% of what gets communicated is the non-oral body language, tone of voice, mannerisms, etc. When we are reduced to the written word alone, coupled with not personally knowing one another, we are unconsciously forced to overlay "our own" emotional state of mind onto what the author writes. It takes very skilled writing to reduce this reaction in the reader’s mind, and it takes a very conscious effort on the part of the reader to resist this and read the material in various tones to try and extract the most likely emotion being communicated.
I can relate to this. So many times I have been misinterpreted in the written word. People who have spoken to me personally by phone from this forum are quite astounded at the difference and their own perception of who they "thought" I was. In context with only vocal intonations; the entire conversations were different. In this Amazing is 100% correct. Body language is also a very strong human communicator.
My Current Views of Life: In the over 9 years since I left the JWs I have gone through a continuing series of discoveries, learning curves, and personal changes. I believe that, with few exceptions, anyone who has been a JW for more than 20 years is not going to walk away with an instantaneous personality overhaul. Realistically, it just takes time, and that time interval from day one of being an ex-JW until a person has made a full recovery and developed in new ways, is different for everyone. Many variables, past experiences, new experiences, availability of information, and emotional readiness all play out differently for each person. In this, I believe, none of us are in a position to judge another.
I have to agree with this also. After being "out" for approximately 19 years, I still find old JW personality traits within myself, but I also see the freedom from within which at times causes an immense clashing. We have no right to judge others and as Amazing says, we are in no position to judge others. None of us are "healed". Maybe, and this is something I actually perceive as being closer to the truth than I like, we never will be 100% non JW in our personality traits. Particularly those of us that were born into the WTBTS.
I trained my daughters to stand on their own, be independent, and any relationships they may enter into, to be done as complete equals. I believe in the fundamentals of human rights, and especially as these apply to women’s rights. Our society in general has come a long way, and it has more improvement to make. My daughter who posts here as “Amazing Progeny” let me know today that any woman on JWD who tries to paint me into a “male chauvinist” corner will get a butt kicking from her, because she says that they just do not know me. I did not solicit that from her --- it was her own thoughts she volunteered.
Tina, you know I love ya, but I see no harm in one sharing family viewpoints as Amazing has done here. I wish that my own father had had the insight to do as Amazing did for his daughters. It would have saved much heartache. We are here to share with each other. Not condemn and judge.
I do not in all sincerity see this as an egotistical post on the part of Amazing. We all have an "ego" and that is a healthy part of human psychological make-up. Therefore, it would be ludicrous to suggest that our ego's not be part of our posts; they are part of our human psych.
I do not belong to any religion because I cannot accept such “organizationalizing” of spiritual things. I am not sure I can accept much of the Bible as the Word of God, and this creates serious consternation because if I do not accept one part, how can I accept any part. While I believe in God (or some kind of higher intelligent power) I am not sure I really know God anymore, or at least I am unsure of and confused about HER or HIS or IT’s purposes for, and relationship with, humans. So my search and discovery and learning and adjusting continue – and as this takes place, I find a little JW-ism here and there that requires purging out of my system. I admit it and understand it. But, again, I have come a long way baby!
In taking up with organized religion one has to accept the whole; the entirety. That is something I feel loathe to even touch.
In the latter part of Amazings paragraph above, there is a clear non-egotistical statement. He admitts that he finds JW-isms. Don't we all still have them???
How many have grudges against elders that carry over into our XJW lives?
I could easily have gone to that place, but caught myself in time from doing so. Not ALL elders were oppressive.
Eventually, I realized that Amnesian’s 12 page post was not so much about me, because she does not know me, but rather, was about something inside her that emerged when my initial post appeared. She needed to vent. And I became the”Elder in Effigy” that she could burn. It was understandable and convenient. Nevertheless, she did post some good points, and I believe she is most sincere. Now that I have had time to reflect and listen to some wisdom from various people, both on and off board, my task now is to treat her post with the respect and equality it deserves, and make a full reply. Not everything she said requires rebuttal, because she and I agree on a number of points. But, I will reply to “everything she said” so as to make sure nothing gets overlooked, lest I risk being accused by some of ‘blowing her off’ on some point.
This paragraph is an example of what I question in regards to our own feminine issues.
Do we women carry grudges against people like Amazing that were once Elders; reminding us subconsciously of what was done to us by another elder that had no sense of reasoning or human feeling, or for that matter any real christian values????
The one and only reason I bring this up to my fellow females is because I came within a hairs breath of hating anyone whom had been an elder. This is whether he was no longer a JW or not.
Fortunatley, I did not allow that to occur. But I sense that perhaps Amnesian was venting and Amazing became a vehicle.
Thankyou to Amazing for this rebuttal post. I don't think I have posted on any of your threads before bar one, therefore, no one can suggest that I am "doing Amazing a favor".
Just telling it as I see it; my humble opinion only.
Ana
Apologies for any confusion, I replied with this answer on Amazing's other thread as I had two windows open....:DUH
