Again I wanted to make clear to my JW friends and family. (Pretending that they actually would come across this post and read this) I loved being a Jehovah's Witness when I was, I had pride, no regrets, and loving support. Do I feel I left that, do I feel I made a sin and had to pay for this by Disfellowshipment being Justified,... no and no. I don't feel I left that; I feel they pushed me away and are still keeping me out of associating with you all, and I do not feel that being Disfellowshipped was a justified action; I feel it was like digging a finger in a wound. Who is to judge me as a "willfully practicing sinner" "willful wrong doer" or "willful violator"??? I maybe stubborn and I maybe headstrong sometimes (I was born on May 6 which is a Taurus lol) but I was NOT willfully commenting a sin because I just felt like it! And when you call someone something for a long time it's hard for the person to not to be influenced and call them that themselves or not end up going ahead and turning into that person called to be, by giving up their dignity. Make sense?? I was called to be a bad person, a person who did bad things. I though no I'm not, I am not that person! But after being judged and called this by what I considered people who should know what right and wrong is, I gave up and said ...yes I am a bad person, I do bad things... Overlooking my mother who knew me better, my sister who knew me better, my friends who knew me better, etc. I was convinced and overly sad. But did this change me for the better?? NO it made me become the person I hated most. I was excepting the evil and letting it consume me. Who do I blame not really the elders, I should have trusted in myself and stayed positive, they criticized me and then said, "You can change and God will forgive you, but the consequences {on top of what your body will go through as far as physically and mentally "reaping what you sow"} will be laying down more rules and restrictions to "help you stay clear of any temptation", and you will feel the sham and guilt when the privileges and trust will be taken away from you." Wow how loving and nice of you guys, I love punishment and loving judgement... I mean the scar I got from the guy that broke my heart wasn't enough, and the sham of losing my virginity wasn't enough either, oh no, give me move loving punishment, my friends would love to see me being announced at the hall "Sara has been publicly reproved", that was dandy can I have more loving punishment, no more going to bars or hanging out with "worldly friend", and if I am ever caught with a guy... oow how scary... Everyone wants to have loving punishment and feel like their not trusted! :) Bloody hell I was freaking 21 years old and now you can see why it lead to my DFment twice, I am stubborn and hard headed when I feel I am being held down and forced to be humble by men that call themselves loving and justified! Grrr... I could just scream. OK OK so clam down... that's why my JW family and friend side with the JW way of life is because they live in good morals, they control their temper, (or really just not publicly display this unhumble personality side, every JW knows at home it's all a different story), but where is this fair. Apostate I am not. But sometimes when I see my family reunion pictures and I'm not in them, I get so angry! Like just yesterday I found on facebook pictures my step mom put up of my sisters and brother, dad, step grandma, and other family... where was I? Why didn't I get to hear about this? Because I'm Disfellowshipped, I'm pissed! So I get the secret one and one contact. But collectively they stay firm with this Disfellowshipped thing. I guess I should be fortunitant for that little communication I get. But I still feel unjustified. Am I wrong for this? So what do I do?
Venting because my family is JWs and I'm not and treated different because of it!
by Butterflyleia85 11 Replies latest jw friends
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OUTLAW
Your post is a Little BLUE..
..................... ...OUTLAW
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SixofNine
So what do I do?
Grow up.
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Butterflyleia85
Grow up didn't help me understand what to do about my feelings towards these. I just am venting. It will pass but it still hurts. And I kinda wanted to hear other simular stories as a reminder. (my life is fine and i am happy with my fiance and moved on from the big part... but I still get frustrated at times about how my family shuns me) Its hard seeing my fiance's family... I just not quite use too and then my family that likes to keep in touch and show they care but keep their distance... not because of past mistakes frm 4 years ago but because of the title "Disfellowshipped". I maybe just feeling sorry for myself again. sorry.
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SixofNine
Sorry if I read your message wrong. I understand and empathize with the frustration of being a df'd JW. If I may ask though, if you're not an apostate, why are you here? Or where you speaking of yourself 4 years ago?
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Butterflyleia85
I am "apostate" as far as disagreeing with Jehovah's Witness religion. But as far as an apostate toward God I am not. I don't really I guess understand the term apostate. But all I can say is it sounds bad and I am not bad or at least not anymore. I maybe bad in JW eyes but I can't change their mind and it's frustrating. I know how they feel but what I wish they knew is how it feels on this side. I was refering mainly from the past... but it just likes to come back and haunt me. Something us DF will just have to deal with I guess.
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flipper
BUTTERFLYLEIA- Hey my friend sorry to hear your family is treating you this way. It is part of life's injustices we receive unfortunately due to having been in a mind control cult . Our JW family is still mind controlled to believe a lie told to them by the WT society and we don't believe it. That's why they treat us that way.
Please don't allow your family to influence your own view of yourself. They are trained by the WT cult to make those of us exiting to feel " guilty " or in " fear " because we left . The reality of why we left is not important to them because they don't see what we see- the REAL truth about the witnesses and WT society. Always remember you are a GOOD person and you have a lot of value within yourself as a human being. Jehovah's Witnesses have a blurred vision of reality- not you. Keep your chin up kiddo
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jamiebowers
As hard as it is to accept, your family is in a cult, and they will coninue to do whatever it is that the cult requires. You can't control what they do, bt you can control your own actions. Claim the anger, frustration and hurt and then move on with your life by surrounding yourself with positive people.
Good luck and God speed!
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flipper
Just want to bump this thread up so it gets more responses
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Butterflyleia85
Thank jamiebowers and flipper, yeah I was just in a bad mood Friday but this wkn went very well and cheered me up, I'm very fortunate to have my fiance, his a wonderful guy. We had a long conversation and I got to explain things to him. He said the same thing as you guys, my religion is/has cult like restrictions that intrap you. It doesn't give you freedom that you thought you had. He explained how his religion was and how many religions are. As long as I remember the basics and the fondation of my moral upbringing that is what counts. Nobody knows the actual TRUTH except God! He said we all can interpet the Bible differently, and how we interpet it should be our choice with faith in God that we are making the right decisions in life. God is a forgiving God, he said, and we have to have confidance in ourselves and forgive ourselves too. He was really incouraging and that's exactly what I needed.
I just get worried at times and have trouble not beating myself up. I have a problem of moving on from the past, I believe, especially when I see little things that I lost that ment so much to me. Thanks again everyone!