WHY am I the last to know? (page 4)

babygirl30

I guess it still bothers me because I SEE (and now my bf does too) how 'conditional' my family is...

After I was assualted by my ex, he had threatened to kill me...when i confessed all sins to the elders (DUMB mistake on my part!!) I also divulged the tidbit about my LIFE BEING IN JEAPORDY. You would think that would assist in them not being so 'harsh' but apparently they still decided to DF me. So my parents were told that they could associate with me and be there for support??? At that time I was going to all my mtgs and working my way back to reinstatement - so my parents would talk to me. Of coures my mom (the die-hard JW) would go back and forth: she's be all in my business for 1 mos and then turn around and TELL me that she could no longer associate with me as it was bothering her conscience - and then she would cut me off. Off and on...week after week. My dad never waivered though, he did speak to me.

Once I stopped going to mtgs and made it clear that coming back was NOT gonna happen - well they didn't take too kindly to that. But they still spoke to me. It wasn't until a visiting C.O. stayed with them that I guess they had an epiphany and decided to just cut me off all together!!! So that is where I stand now...and it's going on 2 mos. So when I was at my lowest point - the elders TOSSED me and expected my family to pick up the slack. Then when i get stronger and start making my own decisions and reasoning - my family tosses me. Just can't WIN in any scenario here!!!

nelly136

my aunt didnt tell me my nan was dead (my nan let me know in her own way...jws would blame it on the demons) i'd already rung round the births and deaths places and coroners and got the date and time of death hows whens and whys and the date of the funeral by the time someone else told me the following thursday.

the funeral was an embarrassment to the jws, the two non family members who made the trip with us had the witness of a lifetime...not,

the registry offices the coroners the funeral directors and the crems. each place i rang i gave a brief lowkey rundown of it being a jw shunning problem, i cant remember how many people i had to go through but it was quite a few and they were all very nice and helpful, my phone bill was a monster. it was worth every penny.

of course the jws could have saved themselves a whole lot of negative advertising, but thats not my problem.

shame i had to do it over again when my nans cousin died, such is life.

Black Sheep

they were afraid it would bring reproach on Jehovah's name

Image conscious are they??

Picket them.

Get a copy of the recent Awake! article about children's freedom to choose religion and make up an embarrassing sign about being shunned by your Jehovah's Witness parents.

Go and visit them. When/if they won't let you in, give them the article to read.

If they still won't let you in then they are hypocrites and the article proves it. Explain that to them then picket the house until they let you in.

Have copies of the article, complete with your comments, to hand out to passers by.

Cheers

Chris

VIII

Hi babygirl, I am so sorry you heard about your parents this way. Hugs.

I agree with journey-on. Keep in touch with notes and cards, letting them know you love them and care for them. I did that with my Mom and my relatives and it has paid off. They have stayed in touch with me. (more or less, the Elder kinda shuns, that is to be expected) It is worth the effort.

Hopscotch

In his phone call in January this year when my father (a proud elder) told me he and the rest of my family were going to cut me off and shun me (and my husband and son) for leaving JWs, I asked him if he wanted me to come to the hospital should he get sick. He is 74 and it is bound to happen one day. He said absolutely not. I asked then what if he dies am I to come to the funeral - again absolutely not. He said as far as my family is concerned I am now dead.

For 49 years as his daughter I showed him unconditional love no matter what, including his 25 years of alcoholism (while a JW), his mistreatment of my mother while she was alive (he was a JW), him having a 3 year affair with a sister in the congregation while he was the PO, him not going to meetings for 2 years after the affair, him training my young brother to be an alcoholic, and I could go on and on.

He told me in a conversation prior to the last one that my husband and I had done more to help him and mum financially, physcially and in every way than any other family member. I have never given them trouble, until now that is - fading from the JWs and telling him why when he confronted us. By the way I am not df'd or da'd.

So babygirl30 I understand your pain and frustration very well. It has been 10 months of emotional turmoil for me - being cut off from my entire family and not knowing what is happening in their lives.

On Wednesday I turned 50 and I had a fleeting hope that maybe my sister might text me or email me to acknowledge the day like she used to, but nothing which has really rammed it home to be that they really have totally cut me off.

I despise this cult more and more everyday.

Hopscotch

GLTirebiter

Guess I'm upset because I should have EXPECTED this from my mom ... but not my dad.

Just a hunch: maybe your dad acts like that because he doesn't dare to defy your mom. Imagine the stress that led to his heart attack. Would you be able to stand up to her under those conditions?

Count another "Aye" vote for JO's advice, stay in touch but be kind about it, and allow them their breathing room. Don't make the Watchtower's teachings come true by being hateful to them. Whenever you run out of cheeks to turn, retreat and recuperate instead of lashing out. And show your bf what the folks here are saying, so he can understand what's going on and how you're trying to mend the fences without giving in.

Best of luck to you, babygirl!

--GLT

Hopscotch

babygirl I meant to add to my last reply to you that the reason you are the last to know (as I will be in my family if ever) is that the mind controlled/brainwashed cult personality of our JW families is much stronger than their authentic personality. Their authentic one may show through for a few seconds or minutes but it usually is quickly pulled back in and the cult personality takes over. It sucks big time but that's the way it is.

Hopscotch

diamondiiz

Babygirl30: Sorry to hear that your own family treats you this way. I'm one of those people that believes that if they shun you they're not worthy of you. Since you were DFed I'm guessing for conduct and they most likely view that you don't want to change your conduct and return. You may considering telling them you don't believe in 1914 and that it's all a lie that wts teaches, you don't have much to loose since you're being shunned anyways. Do it in a polite manner though, as it may open their eyes to the wts deception. If they can read Russell's books tell them to get one and read it( Irecommend Thy Kingdom Come) and let them think about what was being taught and how could Russell be led by spirit if he taught all the wierd dates that none came true. Try to show them that you're not coming to the meetings because you disagree with the things governing body forces everyone to believe even when there is tons of evidence proving that they are wrong. ex. If Israel with the most powerful spy agency in the world believes in 586/587BC as the year for destruction of Jerusalem what are the chances that uneducated men in Brooklyn can have a better proof for the fall of Jerusalem than Israel and all archeologists and historians in the world?

jamiebowers

If I remember correctly, a poster who goes by Ohio Cowboy happened to Google his father's name and learned that he'd been dead for eight years. My mom has shunned me for 21 years, and I've only contacted her a few times for esential purposes. I don't think I could stand doing what JO reccommended, because I'd always be hoping for a response. Maybe a better solution is to find a non-jw relative who will keep you informed on what's going on with your parents. And, of course, you can count on your parents being dumped in your lap when they're too old and feeble to care for themselves, and their jw "brothers and sisters" are too busy to help.

Jadeen

Oh, jamie, that's horrible! Dead for 8 years and then he finds out?!

And you're totally right about getting the parents at retirement time because they never bothered to save.

WHY am I the last to know?

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