What is my legacy?

by babygirl30 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • babygirl30

    As i was cleaning my house last night, I was boxing up all my JW literature I still had out in the open...and I was surprised how there was so much!! I still had the videos in plain view, my bookshelf in my computer room was FULL over old KMs/Watchtower & Awakes/Bibles, and found my old mtg and service bags still full of literature too!

    So I throw the majority of it out, box up the rest, and then when I'm done and relaxing, I start thinking about what my legacy will be. Im 31, before being DF'd I was what I thought was the 'model' JW...I pioneered, I was on 2 RBC groups, I was well known in my circuit (born and bred there), and had tons of friends from all states visiting me on a regular basis. Was always invited to gatherings all over the place, always had dinner parties at my own home, and was forever traveling somewhere to another area and making tons of friends there!!

    I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to as a JW...highly recommended and respected. And now, after making a mistake, I will forever be remembered as 'disfellowshipped'. THAT is my legacy!!! Despite everything I did in the org, and no matter how many people supposedly loved and cared about me, no matter how good my heart is and the hardship I went through - I will always be known as "the sister that was disfellowshipped". That makes me angry to think that people will judge me based on what they ASSUME I did (not that they actually know what happened to me and with me) and feel they have the right to look down on me because of it all. I didn't kill anyone, I didn't commit grand theft, I didn't defraud anyone, I don't smoke, never did a drug in my life, and don't overdrink to the point of being intoxicated. Yes I still broke a 'rule' and committed fornication - but that is WHAT I did - it's not WHO I am nor should I be held up to that for the rest of my life all because 3 men felt that I wasn't repentant DESPITE me going forward to them on my own initiative and confessing everything. So those 3 men had the power the make or break my life as I knew it and they chose to break it...so now I am left with this 'scarlet letter' to signify that I WAS good (in JW eyes) at 1 point but now am not.

    Just venting. Thanks for reading.

  • insearchoftruth

    Wow, outside of that community you will find care, concern and forgiveness. You have already started your growth and healing!

  • Newborn

    babygirl, we share same experiences with the difference that I never "confessed" or spoke to the elders. I wrote a letter and were gone. I refused to play by their rules.

    I've lost all my "so called" friends in the org plus my beloved fleshly sister...it's very tough but at the same time I'm happier than I've ever been. Why stay among people who only love you under certain circumstances??? As insearchoftruth wrote, you'll find more love and loyal friends out side and will learn they're so many wonderful people (who are not evil at all - go figure!!).

    I don't care what they think of me now...I only feel sorry for them. They belong to my past.

    Rejoice you've escaped

    We're here for you dear.

    Love Newborn

  • Satanus

    It's a strange world, the wt world. So fragile. What you did was prolly normal, in the normal sense. We are part animal, afterall.

    Some people ARE happy as jws, as it agrees w their natures. However, for most people, it's not good, at least, not for a long time. This gives you the opportunity to check out the various wt doctrines for soundness. Test your own social abilities w nonjw people.


  • Heaven

    babygirl30.... Your Legacy is yours to define and execute. I wish you much success in this endeavour. Have you given any thoughts to what it might include?

    I am still working on mine but part of it is to help my aging Father. I helped my Mom as well when she was alive. I give to my local food bank and am the charitable fund raising co-ordinator this year for my department. I like to help out the neighbourhood kids with their drives, like the Cubs who sell their apples, or the girl who did a run for children in Africa, and I give to Women's Shelters. I am here on JWN as much as I can be to help warn others about the cult. I also engage other people when they speak of Spiritual things. I definitely identify mind-control tactics and ask them to be wary of these.

    Maybe you could share some of your thoughts or actions as to what you do to define and execute on your Legacy.

  • babygirl30

    The thing is...I have plenty of non-JW friends! I always have...hahahahaha. Even when the society said "avoid bad association" I STILL was hanging out with and making friends outside the org. For some reason, that was 1 area that I towed the line because I seemed to find genuine people out there in the 'world' and was not about to be a snob and NOT deal with them. So of course when I was DF'd, it wasn't AS hard for me to have people to associate with - which I'm grateful for. If you ask THOSE friends (my real ones) what kind of person I am - they will tell you good things about me. But if you were to ask a JW (now since I've been DF'd) what kind of person I was - I guarantee it would involve the typical "Oh - she is DF'd".


    My bf and all my non-JW friends really have shown me unconditional love and support. This board does too! Im able to vent and really talk about how I feel and what I go through - and others can relate. It's just crazy to think that I am defined (by JWs) as 'less then' and that they are convinced that God feels the SAME WAY about me! -hahahahaha. Doesn't make a bit of sense to me.

  • Newborn

    Nothing about the JWs makes sense to me!!!

  • babygirl30

    Your Legacy is yours to define and execute. I wish you much success in this endeavour. Have you given any thoughts to what it might include?

    You're right! Since being DF'd, I've really gotten 'involved' in areas of society that I NEVER would've before because it was just NOT what JWs do!! I volunteer with the Domestic Violence coalition here in my area, I joined a tennis league and they play on what USED to be my mtg nights (oooohhh - hahahahahah!), and I am following a career path that would NEVER be approved by JWs. So I feel successful to a degree, and I know i am a good person and all...it's just every once in a awhile I get the crazy 'thought' reminding me that JWs do not and would not think very highly of me NOW all because of a title. If I were to die tomorrow, there are tons of people who like me for me and couldn't say 1 bad thing about me. But none of that matters to JWs ... my legacy to THEM is defined by that ugly title (DF'd). That hurts.

  • Heaven

    I volunteer with the Domestic Violence coalition here in my area

    Awesome! I am so glad you are involved with something that can make a real, positive difference for people. Very nice, babygirl30!

    But none of that matters to JWs ... my legacy to THEM is defined by that ugly title (DF'd). That hurts.

    I am sorry the JWs hurt you. This is what they meant to do. It is unprincipled. I am glad you are no longer among them. I hope, one day, that this hurt will drastically diminish and hopefully vanish altogether. Thank you for being on JWN. You will help others by being here as well.

  • snowbird
    Just venting. Thanks for reading.

    Of course. I'm headed down that path, also.

    Well-respected in my community, people come to me for help with various grievances, but to the JW's I'm nothing!

    One former-harlot-turned-upright-JW passes my house just to snub me!


    Keep you chin up, sister. They are the losers.


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