As i was cleaning my house last night, I was boxing up all my JW literature I still had out in the open...and I was surprised how there was so much!! I still had the videos in plain view, my bookshelf in my computer room was FULL over old KMs/Watchtower & Awakes/Bibles, and found my old mtg and service bags still full of literature too!
So I throw the majority of it out, box up the rest, and then when I'm done and relaxing, I start thinking about what my legacy will be. Im 31, before being DF'd I was what I thought was the 'model' JW...I pioneered, I was on 2 RBC groups, I was well known in my circuit (born and bred there), and had tons of friends from all states visiting me on a regular basis. Was always invited to gatherings all over the place, always had dinner parties at my own home, and was forever traveling somewhere to another area and making tons of friends there!!
I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to as a JW...highly recommended and respected. And now, after making a mistake, I will forever be remembered as 'disfellowshipped'. THAT is my legacy!!! Despite everything I did in the org, and no matter how many people supposedly loved and cared about me, no matter how good my heart is and the hardship I went through - I will always be known as "the sister that was disfellowshipped". That makes me angry to think that people will judge me based on what they ASSUME I did (not that they actually know what happened to me and with me) and feel they have the right to look down on me because of it all. I didn't kill anyone, I didn't commit grand theft, I didn't defraud anyone, I don't smoke, never did a drug in my life, and don't overdrink to the point of being intoxicated. Yes I still broke a 'rule' and committed fornication - but that is WHAT I did - it's not WHO I am nor should I be held up to that for the rest of my life all because 3 men felt that I wasn't repentant DESPITE me going forward to them on my own initiative and confessing everything. So those 3 men had the power the make or break my life as I knew it and they chose to break it...so now I am left with this 'scarlet letter' to signify that I WAS good (in JW eyes) at 1 point but now am not.
Just venting. Thanks for reading.