This is one post I had always hoped I would never have to do, but after a long and brave battle, my beloved brother in law has died. I have done a couple of threads on this in the past, so many of you know the battles he was facing. He had been diagnosed earlier this year with Myelodysplastic Syndrome and the mortality rate of this disease is quite high. His bone marrow was damaged due to him being exposed for several years to toxins and chemicals on a regular basis. Unfortunately in the 60s, 70s and 80s, there were virtually no regulations on chemicals, and people in his line of business are far more likely to get this disease, than the average person.
I blame the religion for a good part of what happened to him, because of the blood issue. You cannot survive this disease without blood transfusions and no 'blood substitute' will suffice. They were horrified at the prospect of being forced to chose their beliefs or his life and for the first time, it really hit home with them what they were being asked to do. Even though I had been able to talk to them on several occassions and explain exactly why the Society's ban on blood was not founded in the scriptures, we all know that beliefs that have been ingrained into your brain from birth do not change overnight. And so they hesitated. While they eventually did accept transfusions, the 6 month delay really put him behind the eight-ball. The one piece of good news we had, is that we found out (the day he went into the hospital), that his sister was an exact match for the bone marrow transplant. He was so happy about that and felt a renewed hope that he might survive the disease afterall.
He developed an infection about 2 1/2 months ago but the hospital let him go home even though the x-ray clearly showed something was still there. A month ago, he was rushed again to the hospital where he was given two incorrectely mixed bags of Septra two days in a row. The second one was given to him at full strength, was not diluted, and went straight to his lungs and burned them. Within 24 hours he had to be put in a drug induced coma with a ventilator down his throat as he could not breath on his own. Over the past 4 weeks, he had days where he seemed to be doing better, but then he'd take a turn for the worst. The doctors told us this week that there was no chance of him surviving and that they had done all that they could. The next day, we all had to say our good-byes to him and what was so awful is that you could see some blood coming up through the tube in this throat. His lungs were bleeding and the injustice of what had been put upon him just overwhelmed me with grief and anger. He never caught one break but still always tried to be upbeat and positive. My sister held his hand and read to him from the Book of Psalms, which was his favourite book of the bible. When I said my private goodbyes to him, I read to him the scriptures that you never hear them read at a Witness funeral----perhaps a futile gesture, but one I felt I had to do. It's from 1 Corinthians and gives a very different view of what happens when we die:
But someone will say, "How are the dead raised? And with what kind of body do they come?" That which you sow does not come to life unless it dies; and that which you sow, you do not sow the body which is to be, but a bare grain, perhaps of wheat or of something else. But God gives it a body just as He wished, and to each of the seeds a body of its own.
So also is the resurrection of the dead It is sown a perishable body, it is raised an imperishable body; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. So also it is written, "The first MAN, Adam, BECAME A LIVING SOUL " The last Adam became a life-giving spirit.
However, the spiritual is not first, but the natural; then the spiritual. The first man is from the earth, earthy; the second man is from heaven. And just as we have borne the image of the earthy, we will also bear the image of the heavenly.
Now I say this, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; I tell you a mystery; we will not all sleep, but we will all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet; for the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For this perishable must put on the imperishable, and this mortal must put on immortality.
But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, "DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP in victory. O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR VICTORY? O DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING?"
I told him I loved him and how glad I was that he had been a part of our family for so long. He was like a brother, not a brother in law and did not deserve to go like this. Between the religion's ban on blood and the incompetence of the hospital, I can honestly say that we feel like he was murdered and I despise both groups for destroying so many lives needlessly. I've been staying with my sister for the time being and this morning was horrific as I heard her in the bathroom, wretching and crying at the same time. I feel helpless, as we all do, because there is nothing we can do that will take the pain away. I cry as I think that I will never again sit out in the backyard with him as we drink a glass of good red wine, and where he always would say "Life is good." I'll never be able to sit with him again and watch the Three Stooges, as he and I did over the years, or discuss everything from politics to the weather. He knew I no longer believed this was "the Truth", yet he never questioned me or treated me any differently---a true rarity in the world of Witnesses.
I was 10 years old when he and my sister first started dating, and I knew even at that young age, that he was a good, good man and my opinion has never changed. My other siblings loved him him like a brother too and my parents are grief-stricken at (in my fathers' words): "losing another child." I went over to Bumblebee's house last week as we both mourned the loss of her sister and my brother in law. We cried and talked as we try to come to terms with the blow we've been dealt and it really helped. Grace/Mouthy has also been a rock to lean on during the last several months.
I am numb with shock and grief at this loss, and I know that writing something down sometimes helps. So I write this tribute to one of the few truly unselfish, good, responsible, decent, honest people I've ever known. Our lives will never be the same.