An introduction

by zoiks 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • zoiks


    I have lurked around this board for a while. I just joined and now feel that I should introduce myself to the group. My name is Paul* and I am currently serving in an appointed capacity in my local congregation. That will probably not be the case for very much longer! I have had my doubts for years and years but always pushed such “independent thinking” out of my mind so as to stay loyal to Jah’s Organization. Several developments in my life and in the lives of several of my friends in the congregation over the past few years have forced me to step back and take stock of what I truly believe. I have done much research, and against the express instructions in the Watchtower, I have researched ALL SIDES of many issues. It has been and continues to be a very difficult personal journey, but I have recently concluded that I do not believe in a god or gods. Furthermore, I feel that some of the teachings and policies of the organization are not only incorrect but actually harmful to many.

    So this brings me to a bit of a dilemma. I cannot in good conscience keep serving, so I will step down. My friends and family have no clue what is coming – most are Witnesses who would absolutely stop speaking with me if I were to disassociate myself or was disfellowshipped for airing my opinions. My wife is in no way going to leave the organization. I believe my only option is to try to pull off The Fade, as it seems to be called by those in the know. I have read the threads on this board dealing with fading from the organization, and I am hopeful that I can pull it off. I know that I am risking much by doing this.

    I recently confided in a non-witness friend and his advice was to “fake it” for as long as possible. I believe that I have done this for as long as I can. I am considered a very good speaker and am often assigned to give public talks around the circuit. I hate the sound of my own voice as I deliver these discourses. I hate standing up on stage during the school or service meeting, saying things that I no longer believe to an audience that has no idea. It is horribly dishonest of me, and I cringe when I think that some argument of mine based on faulty logic, delivered in a convincing manner from the platform, might be responsible for inhibiting someone else’s ability to think.

    In any case, there is as much of my story as I can share at the moment. I apologize if my thoughts are in a bit of a jumble – this is a big and frightening step! If anyone has any suggestions or encouragement, I would really appreciate it! I will attempt to log in and contribute to this group as much as I am able, but the opportunities are few at the moment. Thanks for reading…

    *Name has been changed.

  • leavingwt

    Welcome to the forum!

    I hope the Fade goes well for you.

  • Cthulhu

    Welcome. I look forward to hearing more about your history as well as your progress.

  • yknot


    I am very proud of you for making the decision to step down!

    This will probably be a strain at first on your wife but integrity is important to self-esteem!

    Yes registering and posting at first is scary but you soon find the waters are even and offer a great deal of freedom!

    Questioning God's existance is very common when coming to realize the scope of the WTS. Some become atheists, agnostics, Xians, or other. Take your time, allow yourself the process of discovery, relalization, loss and anger oft associated when learning the truth about the 'troof'

    Glad you have joined, I look forward to you using your commenting and presentation skills in a more independent manner that gives you full expression of your thoughts!

  • bamse

    Welcome on board, "Paul".

    I got the same experience a year and a half ago. Doubts building up throug years, finally I draw the conclusion. I think I did a mistake with telling my children about it. I would have had better possibilities to influence them with playing loyal publisher a wail more. Excuse my english. I am a foreigner. . Because of that I most active on european boards.

    By the way; you have to live with your decissions in the future, but your way of seeing things will also change. The most important things is your family's wellfare, I think, and your self-esteem.

    Good luck with your lifte further.

  • nelly136

    ''hello!'' backatya

  • bluecanary

    Welcome to the board zoiks! (I prefer your screen name to Paul.) Thanks for sharing your story. Even if you pull a long slow fade, I think it's best that you step down from positions of teaching and authority. Much happiness to you and your family.

  • dissed


    You are in a good place to learn. Looking forward to your further comments. And welcome aboard.

  • BorgHater

    Welcome Paul, it's great to have you here. I wish you good luck in your endeavor to fade There are a lot of great people on these boards who will support you all the way.

    BorgHater x

  • OnTheWayOut

    A man or woman of many words. Welcome.

Share this