Question on Divorce when NOT scrip free.

by wantstoleave 22 Replies latest social relationships

  • flipper

    CSP2033- Welcome to the board . I'm a former ministerial servant- not an elder - but was in the witnesses 44years. I can tell you for a fact if you get a hardcore elder body they will hunt and chase you down no matter HOW LONG you have been inactive if they smell you possibly committing a DFing offense. I was inactive and not attending for three and a half years - even moved to a different area- and they hunted me down like a dog. So it depends if someone wants to cause you pain or not- if they do they'll come after ya

  • wantstoleave

    Thanks everyone :)

    Bluecanary: If I were to lose 'privleges' like answering up, then I would've been reproved by them right? That would be the last straw for me, and I'd tell them to shove it. Simply because I am divorcing primarily for financial safety, as ex has a substantial amount of debt that I do not want to be responsible for. Thank for pointing that possibility out though :)

    Flipper: Thankfully my ex is in another country but I know he tries to keep tabs on me. Not quite sure how, other than his friends (non JW) that live in my area. Even then, I've had nothing to hide. I have dirt on him on the other hand, which I took to the elders, and they told me 'pity we hadn't known this sooner, nothing we can do about it now'. I stood there with my mouth open, like pardon??!?! I'd only just gotten this 'dirt', so how could I have told them sooner!

    CSP: Yes, am close to my parents who are also JW's. I have a brother who is a fader of 5yrs now. Noone elder wise has pursued him, even though when they see him they are polite and say hello.

    Keeshondgirl: Wow, funny situation. I wonder if there was some private reproof there? I thought in case likes that though, where everyone sees the divorce and remarriage, that it would have to be public reproof? Interesting.

    Chalam: Thanks. I'll definitely bring those scriptures up. It has been a hard slog for me supporting 2 children on my own, but I've managed. I could use the scripture in such a way that shows how he isn't even supporting them emotionally and spiritually as supposed to as well.

    I personally think he's biding his time. He is waiting for me to make the mistake first, then he can play the card of him being the victim in this and 'my wife cheated', even though it was he who abandoned us. I don't think I'm ready to give him that satisfaction yet.

  • bluecanary

    Yep, that would be reproval. And I got divorced for the same reason you are. I don't know what country you are in, but in the US there's no getting away from debt your spouse incurred. Learned THAT the hard way.

  • minimus

    Wantstoleave, do you want to leave the Organization too? If so, keep your mouth shut, don't tell the elders anything and then leave.

  • wantstoleave

    Thanks Bluecanary :) I'm not in the US....but he has gone back there. I spoke to legal people here and they told me I needed to divorce him in case he is running up more debt back in the states.

    Minimus, yes I want to leave. I was talking to my mum about the divorce today. I told her that apparently I can be reproved for doing it. She said that if I was, to take it on the chin but reiterate to the elders WHY I divorced him (financial reasons) but then suck it up and take the reproof. I got a bit huffy and told her no way would I accept reproof when I'd done nothing wrong. She got a bit annoyed with me, because I am sure she senses she is losing me 'to the world'. She told me not to think like that, then I added that I'd tell the elders to get lost, that it's MY life. Then I told her I didn't want to talk about it anymore. It was left at that.

  • minimus

    Be careful what you tell mum. She may not be able to deal with it.

  • blondie

    If the only issue is divorcing your husband, there is no official basis for reproof. The grounds for reproof are the same as for df'ing except the elders on the JC have found the person "repentant."

    *** w56 10/1 p. 597 par. 39 Marriage Obligations and Divorce ***. It cannot excommunicate any member just for divorcing on unscriptural grounds, but if that member remarries before the death or immorality of the divorced mate, the congregation would disfellowship this member for adulterous remarriage.

    *** jv chap. 13 p. 177 Recognized by Our Conduct ***While the Scriptures do not direct that everyone obtaining a divorce be expelled from the congregation, those who also commit adultery and are unrepentant are disfellowshipped by the congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses.—1 Cor. 6:9, 10.

  • wantstoleave

    Thanks for the research Blondie :) You're a wealth of information. Are you still 'in', or fading or out?

  • blondie

    Out, no meetings for over 8 years.

  • Chalam

    Hi WTS,

    I agree, don't give him the satisfaction. He has left so let him do the accounting.

    Divorce means separation which is un-scriptural for a married couple Matthew 19:6 He has separated from you 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

    If you check the Greek for that verse 7-11.htm the word used means literally "lay aside" which means leave alone, abandon, divorce, leave, neglect etc.

    He has done that and has broken what God has commanded not to be broken and is in a state of unbelief.

    So what's his current status?

    All the best,


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