Do you have many friends since leaving the bOrg?

by AK - Jeff 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    I don't have many in my physical sphere. But the ones I have are good ones. Of course we share no 'history', since I never had a 'worldly' friend until I left at 48.

    In my cyberworld [and some would argue the credence of that] I have found many fine souls with which to commiserate, share, grow. A few of us have crossed the line from cyber to physical friendships. I live in a very rural area, which makes growing the friendship pool a little more difficult in some ways.

    But I am content. This is not about me. I am somewhat of a loner - and probably would have been even without the Jw experience - at least to some extent, I suppose.

    How about you? Do you miss the 'instant friend network' at your local Kingdom Hall? Are you a loner? Are you ok with that? Or have you filled your life with dozens of friends?


  • snowbird
    Do you miss the 'instant friend network' at your local Kingdom Hall?

    Not a bit.

    Are you a loner?

    Yes, I am.

    Are you ok with that?

    I'm perfectly happy with what I am.

    Or have you filled your life with dozens of friends?

    Either people get on my nerves or I get on theirs; whatever, I don't like being around a lot of people.

    Interesting thread, AK-Jeff.


  • OnTheWayOut

    I reach out every month to other ex-JW's, but just for short gatherings. I phone many every week.
    I am much like you, AKJ. I am a bit of a loner. I can ride my bicycle or go for a walk or be content to do somethings by myself.
    Despite her being very JW, I tend to make my wife my best friend and stick with her in most activity that doesn't involve religion or ex-religion.

    I never cared for the 'instant friends' network. I have a really really good JW friend that lives about a 6-hour drive away now. He stays a friend despite the religious differences, but he hardly ever calls and will eventually make elder and feel the pressure to stop- maybe I am wrong. The JW friends were more of acquianances, my network of ex-JW friends are true friends.

    My true friends don't need me to believe as they do, practice worship as they do. It's awesome.

  • jambon1

    I have always been naturally outgoing and made a number of friends when I was a JW.

    Toward the end though, I became disillusioned with most of my JW friendships apart from a few which I still have to this day.

    The thing I hated was having to be in peoples company. People that I really didn't like. Nasty people. Selfish people. Weird people. I absolutely hated being forced to spend time with them at meetings etc.

    Now, I size people up & make my choices regarding friendships. I spent 10 years of my life surrounded by assholes & feeling depressed because of it.

    Life is too short to be surrounded by assholes.

    I like my friendships now. Worldly people are loving & kind & give you pretty much unconditional love.

    A witness wouldn't give you the steam of their pish unless it somehow benefited them.

    Life is good now.

  • undercover

    Do you miss the 'instant friend network' at your local Kingdom Hall?

    I do not miss it at all. I was never comfortable with the "instant friend" thing, ever. Just because a dub shows up in town and starts going to the hall doesn't mean we're friends. I met too many people who imposed on people based on this supposed "friendship" that was supposed to exist because we went to the same hall. I learned to distrust new people because too many scam artists came through.

    Are you a loner?

    To be honest, I am. Even when I was an active dub, I was pretty much a loner. I was an outcast at school and in the neighborhood, I learned to enjoy my alone time. Even in the congregation, I wasn't totally accepted by my peers. I wasn't ever in any cliques until I was in my 20s. I fit in with a group for a while and then when I saw how they started treating people that didn't fit "our" clique, I was embarrassed. I knew what it was like to be the outsider.

    Are you ok with that?

    Yea...I like my alone time. I need it. I'm not a complete hermit. I'm married, so I have that relationship and we have some close friends that we've made outside of the bOrg (the one area my JW believing wife has never followed the WT rules on - she has friends in all walks of life - they're my hope to getting her free of all JW influences) and we enjoy good times with them, but I'm always glad to have my quiet time.

    Or have you filled your life with dozens of friends?

    As alluded to, we have made some friends...not dozens though...a few real friends. People who care and are there when we need them and us for them. We have many acquaintances. People we can hang out with but then not see for extended periods of time. And then we'll bump into them and get re-acquainted and hang out again.

  • chickpea

    there are a handful of really close friends
    (which is actually all i am able to handle since
    i take my friendships very seriously)

    my social network, on the other hand
    is broadening monthly as i am actively
    expanding my horizons through schooling
    and social activism.... generating a lot of
    "hi, how ya doin'? " moments in the coffee shop,
    grocery store, library, campus, yada yada

    my cyberworld experiences have resulted in
    2 trips to UK where i have met 5 people; i have
    hosted 5 different people, 3 of whom were from
    abroad... mates, each and every one of the lot!!
    (got one from london snoozing on my sofa even
    as i type this!)

    membership in a national advocacy organization
    got me a trip to DC from whence have developed
    lingering acquaintances with of all sorts of people,
    from high school and college students to national
    executive directors....

    just recently i was invited to sit on the board of
    a local chapter of PFLAG... and i accepted, deferring
    placement til the end of this semester......

    friends? maybe not in the classical definition,
    but i am definitely not lacking in meaningful,
    fulfilling social contact

  • Finally-Free
    Do you miss the 'instant friend network' at your local Kingdom Hall?

    I found that the "instant friend network" evaporated very quickly once a new person learned that after 5 years I wasn't at least a ministerial servant. If a man doesn't have some sort of title in the hall after several years it is assumed there's "something wrong with him". As a result, I had no friends at all as a JW.

    Now I have only 2 friends, but they're good friends. I tend to be a bit of a loner anyway, so I'm fine with the way things are.


  • ~Jen~

    The "instant friend network" was fake and I never felt like I had any true friends in the borg.

    I've been out for 3 months now and have more friends and support than I had inside. My EX who's still in? He's told me that he has no one, even his best "friend" won't bother with him or support him and his own parents are being selfish and manipulative.

  • jamiebowers

    I have many friends, but I've been out for almost 21 years. I never missed the instant friendships of jws, because they're not real.

  • Girlie

    I don't have many friends. I just go with the flow and if someone should come around that I deem worthy of making my acquaintance with, fine. If not, that's fine also. As long they don't hinder my progress, so be it.

    The instant network friendship inside of the borg was as good as long as I continued blindly following it. Once I left it, they left me. Most of them weren't worth much anyway, so no major lost.

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