so much to say

by leftchica 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • dissed

    Hola leftchica! Come back soon!

  • leftchica

    just 10 minutes ago there was a knock on the door...3 to be exact. you always know its a witness when the doorbell rings twice.and a few knocks:)...yes they are after me i know. i havent been to a meeting in 6 months. the memorial was the last time they saw me. i think it was that night that my instincts told me this was not the"truth".. the memorial seemed so cold..more like a marketing presentation. the ceremony hardly talked about jesus and did not honor him in the way i felt a memorial of someone would.

    i have always had doubts but shunned them away. i thought maybe there was something wrong with me if i didnt agree with something and that over time i would feel different. but i never did. i stopped going to meetings by keeping myself busy at work and making excuses that i was tired and my jw husband bought it. but i couldnt lie to him or myself anymore.

    something made me get on the internent one night and start researching..well as you know there is plenty out there! i came across the pedifile cases, changed doctrines, policys..eveything and my mind and heart rejoiced. i was right. it is not the truth. however my husband being born and raised, yet falling out only to meet me a " wordldy"girl 9yrs ago. he believes its the "truth" yet is not the type of witness who follows all the rules..i will touch on that later. however i told him it was all a lie .. i basically went off so to speak, with passion and conviction and thinking he would feel the same. not the right approach and he did not respond well.

    i ordered the book "crisis of concience" and read it in 2 days. i asked him to read it..surprisingly he did. i begged him not to tell any elders or friends in the hall how i was feeling..that this is between "us" and from what i know he hasent..yet. he didnt like reading the book and often felt it was one sided and the whole thing didnt faze him one bit. he stopped at chapter 3..this terrified me. we began to argue about it and of course he had all the wt answers already programmed in his head. i would break down and cry and then we would get nowhere.

    fast forward to a month later and the elders came over for a "sheperding call".. yet it was not that at all. apparently he called them over becase HE had some questions. As they came in they were nice as always,, my husband started asking about 1975..then about 1925..ect.. i wanted to die. i just played along being i was NOT prepared for this At ALL!! I was ready to talk about how "busy my life is,,,work, yada yada, that i am trying to make meetings, ect" and then have them leave. Well, they answered all the questions and made us read all the scriptures that coincide with thier doctrines. they asked to come back so we could go over "more questions i had" . i said i was working and we would call them. well we never did and they have called me once and obviously stopped by randomly this morning. i hid of course.

    so bottom line is i am trying to get my husband to get out of this religion. it has done nothing but made him live with guilt and fear and i think he is depressed. he goes to the meetings because he feels he has to or jehhovah wont love him. he misses alot of meetings and only goes when he has to do the mikes or feeling really spiritually weak. i have agreed not to bring up any thing negitive about the organization for a few months if he agrees to let me leave it and ask no questions. its a wierd situation..we have a wonderful marriage but this is certainly hanging over us.

    i am not sure what to do next. we had a wonderful life for 5 years before he came back into the religion and then i started to study with them. i should have never gotten baptized but felt a pressure from his family and thinking there was no where else to turn. i was only an active witness for 1 year. he has been " in and out of the truth" for most of his life but always going back to it because its all he knows. i think i have a decent shot at making him realize its a cult but i have to do it in a way that effective. the longer i wait..the more the elders will be suspicious of me as an apostate and then i am afraid they will fill his mind up with stuff about me, his own wife.

    thanks for listining.

  • snowbird

    Welcome, LC.

    This practically leaped out at me!:

    the memorial was the last time they saw me. i think it was that night that my instincts told me this was not the"truth".. the memorial seemed so cold..more like a marketing presentation. the ceremony hardly talked about jesus and did not honor him in the way i felt a memorial of someone would.

    I say, follow your instincts.

    It's so good to have you here.


  • yknot

    Glad you found our little corner of the web!

    ..... Will hubby consider counseling to help yall find peace and balance as you leave the faith and he remains in?......

    Okay ....well not really.....more like counseling to help him understand your reasons and to have a professional there when the reality of the WTS hits him like a ton of bricks and he loses all that he has ever known spiritually......and how to transition from there.

    So now onto a question: The Elders showed scriptures for 1975 and 1925?..... how is he taking this after Saturday's last DC talk concerning the slave's admittal to 'over eagerness'?

  • angel eyes
    angel eyes

    welcome friend.

  • undercover

    Welcome, leftchica...

    i have agreed not to bring up any thing negitive about the organization for a few months if he agrees to let me leave it and ask no questions. its a wierd situation..we have a wonderful marriage but this is certainly hanging over us.
    i am not sure what to do next.

    When dealing with a JW friend or family member it's important to not push too hard to try to get them to see the truth about the "truth". Some people are more indoctrinated and aren't willing to consider leaving, others have more guilt and fear and need more time. If you push too hard, it can send them running back to what they're comfortable with...the organization.

    It appears that your husband is starting to see the light, but has the guilt and fear that keeps him from leaving. Patience is the key. Don't constantly berate the JWs. Actually it's good to focus on the organization and its teachings and not so much on other JWs...they're victims too.

    Take advantage of opportunities to point out the illogical and nonsensical ideas but allow him to come to his own conclusions. It takes time to free yourself of the group think. It will be a three steps forward, two steps back kind of progress for awhile.

    Congrats on finding your freedom and good luck as you try to help your husband free himself. Many here have gone through exactly what you're going through and give support and advice.

  • cawshun

    Welcome leftchica, My son in law also was in and out of the Organization, he got back and now my daughter, like you got baptized. At first it didn't bother me, I thought, she will be learning about the Bible. It was after they had children that I got into researching the WT because of Birthdays and Christmas, and other holidays.

    I was aslo amazed at what I found out through an internet search. I found this sight and so far, this has been the most helpful.

    I have learned with my daughter, I do have to be careful of how I approach the jws and the wt. She got very upset with me one time and said her kids didn't need to be around me. We patched that up right away, but it taught me she gets very defensive if I question.

    I just wait for the right oppoutunities to slip something in to make her think... I slak off but when birthdays and christmas roll around, I get so upset all over again.

    I just try to stay up on what is going on with the jws, how the people here give critque to what is being said and try to keep a lot of it fresh in my head so if an oppourtunity arises, I may be able to slip something in to make her think.

    I am so happy to hear your story, everytime I hear a jw wake up to the real truth, it gives me hope. I'm so happy you decided to post on this forum, it not only helps you but helps me to think there is still hope that my daughter will wake up to it too.

    thank you and its nice to meet you here,


  • Gayle

    So many best wishes for you that you see the Watchtower organization as not being true, only harsh and cold. I hope you can just keep yourself from the elders and stop going, too busy,,keep your peace. Don't let them trap you. They have no power over you. Hopefully with time your husband will re-evaluate the religion and investigate its history, its flip-flops and double-tongue manipluations. It is very difficult when you cannot talk freely but be true to yourself. Since your husband has been in and out of the activity of the Watchtower, perhaps he has something bothering him deep down, but unfortunately, some can go this way all their life, not in, not out, in a type of limbo.

  • bluecanary

    Thanks for sharing your story. I suggest you keep an eye on cognac's posts. She is in a similar marital situation to you. Best wishes.

  • leftchica

    Thank you everyone for the sweet words....

    YNOT...yes i have thought of counseling. I have yet to find someone who deals with cult issues. yes, my objective would be for him to realize on his own that this organization is controlling his mind. I know he is going to go through alot of grief and pain when he does realize the truth about it...its like his whole life has been a lie. and i will be there for him..he knows that. I think he is afraid to realize that..its almost like he kinda sees..but ignores his own feelings. He enjoys the black and white way of how the witnessess think and he truely believes that Jehovah would have an "organization" on earth today..THAT is the concept that I need him to free of.

    UNDERCOVER...Thank you. I have never felt so free in my entire life. I felt very trapped and afraid of making freindships, always thinking i needed to be "witnessing" whenever I was around anyone..had major anxienty going door to door.

    Well, I am being patient now, I realize i cant push the issue and yes, it is something he needs to discover on his own. I know he wont look at the internent or read any "apostate" books so I am thinking of having him compare scriptures that the society has changed. I am hoping this will be more productive. Any suggestions? He cant seem to let go of the fact that Jehovah had chosen people in the past(isralietes) and it only makes sense that he has chosen ones today(jehovah witnessess)..He is really stuck on "gods organization" and that of course "all other religiions are part of babalon the great". All the society changes like "generation" and false endings of the world didnt bother him..or atleast he didnt let me know that it did.. my mom backed off from me too. in the beginning i got very defensive as well and would even yell. They even downloaded literature to show me it was a cult and of couse that did not work. I would love to chat with you more. Thank you for your warm wishes and yes there is hope for her. Never give up but remember not to push..that never worked for me either. Being a jehovah witness is a lifestyle and she has to either really love it or like many go along and think they will love it one day but always know something is not me.

    Galye..How should i deal with the elders? now i feel they know i have doubts and have not gone to meetings. i feel traped because they know where i live! i dont want to be disfellowshiped because i dont want to go back into the hall for a judicial meeting. i never want to go back there again..however i want to be free of this..should i write a letter of dissociation or just fade??

Share this