Between the two of you, the only one who can do anything about him is your sister. If you confont him, he'll bully your sister into avoiding you. You can build your sister up and encourage her to stand up to him. If he's hitting her, you should call the police.
She never sticks up for herself. And he's an a$$ right in front of me. What am I supposed to say, nothing??? I try to be as nice as possible when I do say something... I don't think he's hitting her because there has never been any signs of physical abuse... The PITA thing about it, is that she ALWAYS wants me to go to her house. She's a homebody and is constantly cleaning or cooking or something. So, it's hard to avoid him...
Is your sister asking for help?
research abuse on the internet, print out the signs of abuse and drop them in front of her. Let her do the rest.
She hasn't asked for help. However, she has just started talking about it though. Yesturday, I was actually afraid of him. So, that could be because it's gotten worse???
What a hard situation. You love your sister so much, but feel helpless to assist her. How strong is she, as in, if he tells her NOT to see you anymore, would she listen to him or stand up to him? You might want to just 'be there for her'. She probably senses the tension between you and him, so it may make it harder on her if you say or do anything.
I've stood up to him before and he's never been able to separate us. I know she senses the tension between me and her husband. I think she could sense that I was getting REALLY pissed yesturday. She even offered me a beer, she usually doesn't do that...
Blacksheep - Thanks for the advice. I will go look for that book tomorrow.
In my experience with women who choose to stay with abusive men and you try to help, YOU will be end up being the bad guy eventually. Offer her help as already suggested and leave it to her. Let her know you are there for her at anytime and could even take her in if she ever needs it.
As for him, you could try to semi joke about his abusive comments telling him how you would never put up with such a thing but that can backfire as well and he could attempt to limit your time with your sister. He in all likelyhood will not change but she can change how she reacts or if she even stays. If he is being a jerk in your home you certainly have the right to say such behavior is not allowed in your home. But then he may leave and take her with. What does your husband say about this? Maybe he needs to show the bil what a loving husband is by his actions/words with you in front of the two of them.
I've offered my home to her before. I've done the semi joke thing. My husband can't stand him is has tried to show him what a real husband should be. My husband has even said something to him. Now, my husband hates going over there because he can't stand how he treats her and get's frustrated that she just puts up with it.