A NOTE regarding the book. The book is being revised and updated and will get a new title;
Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationshipsby Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias"
I have received permission from the publisher to use excerpts from the original book so our project can continue. The publisher will inform me as soon as the release is out sometime in April or May
Authors Madeleine Landau Tobias M.S. and Janja Lalich introduce their book with this comment:
Captive Hearts, Captive Minds was written to give former cult members, their families, and professionals an understanding of cultic techniques and the aftereffects of these techniques, as well as to provide an array of specific methods and aids that many help to restore normalcy to ex-cult members' lives.
As we go through the various parts of the book I hope you will find some of the information helpful to you as you try to understand and recover from being involved with the WTS and JWs. Regardless of how long you have been out you may still have issues that you might not connect to the cultic experience. If you were physically or sexually abused over and above the spiritual abuse then you may find it hard to separate the physical or sexual aspects of your experience from the spiritual aspects.
The authors of the book both recognize that there are overlaps in the degree of harm done regardless of the source of the trauma and that people who live in a controlling relationship will often experience the same aftereffects. From my experience this is very true. Whether the abuse came from one person in an intimate relationship or came from a controlling elder or JW father or the never seen GB the effects will look the same.
The authors go on to say:
More often than not, leaving a cult environment requires an adjustment period, not only to reintegrate into "normal" society but also to put the pieces of yourself back together in a way that makes sense to you.
Part of the recovery process involves a reassessment of your beliefs and values, likes and dislikes. It involves taking a look at how you want to live your life, education, career choices, and personal habits. Learning how to use critical thinking, how to assess various situations, coping with emotional reactions and many other aspects of our lives are all important parts of any recovery program. The age-old question "Who am I?" surfaces and needs to be addressed. No one walks away from the WTS without scars. After years of being told what to think, what to do and how to feel and act it is so important to get our lives back under our own control. In working with abused women I know the risk of an abused woman to get involved in another controlling relationship is extremely high.. Likewise many of us can be at high risk for getting involved in another controlling group or in a relationship with a controlling person. Some people find that it is helpful to talk to a professional, perhaps a counselor or even a family doctor. The need to feel able to talk about thoughts and feelings in a safe environment and with people who understand is crucial to recovery. There was so much that was denied. Creating a safe place and finding safe people to talk to can really help. For many who have begun posting here, I'm sure it has made a huge difference to be able to talk about so many different things without being worried about someone reporting you to the elders. I would suggest that if you are seeing a counselor that you talk to them about this and get feedback from the counselor. The JW lifestyle is laden with preaching, studies, meetings, and constant demands to do more. It can feel a little odd to not be at a meeting or to sleep in on a Saturday morning and not feel guilt about it. Learning to take time for ourselves, time to heal, time to reflect, time to rest and even time to play are all things we need to learn to do without feeling guilty. As we go through the various sections of the book we will look at the following chapters:
- The Cult Phenomenon
- Cults and cultic relationships
- Seduction and recruitment
- Understanding thought reform
- Individual differences affecting recovery
- Characteristics of a cult leader
- The Healing Process
- Taking back your mind
- Undoing the damage
- Coping with emotions (this one alone will be more than 1 week)
- Rebuilding a life
- Facing the challenges of the future
- Healing from sexual abuse and violence
- Making Progress by taking action
- Special concerns
- Children in cults
- Therapeutic issues
Some of these chapters have sub-topics and may be discussed separately. As I post the various sections of the book you can decide to do it or pass on that section. Defining your boundaries is very important. YOU need to be aware of how any particular section is affecting you. If you find yourself trying an exercise is overwhelming to you or triggers feelings that alarm you it is perfectly OK to pass on that section and perhaps come back to it later on. Although I will be posting in the order above that doesn't mean you can't take a break or that you have to follow the same order. The posts aren't going anywhere. They will be available to go back to when you need them.
Also note that it isn't required that you post a response to the threads. Discussion is welcome but like I stated, not required. This is for YOU to help YOU.
The authors conclude the intro by stating:
Cult membership, by contrast [to non-cult membership], is not voluntary. It is the result of a coercive and destructive psychological process based on deception, dependency and dread. Cults attack and destroy a person's independence, critical thinking abilities, personal relationships, and general physical, spiritual, and psychological state of being.
They also state:
The keys to recovery are balance and moderation, qualities of life that were most likely absent in the cult. Give yourself a program from recovery that addresses your needs and wants, changing it as necessary to adapt to new circumstances and needs.The important thing to do is what feels right. After all that time in the cult spent squeling your gut instincts, it is now time to let your self speak to you--and this time you can listen and act. From now on, only you are responsible for setting and achieving your goals.
The title has been changed to conform the Publisher's guidelines