If You "Date" Someone Do You Still Look For Other Possiblities?

by minimus 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • VIII

    megs, that is the point to FwB: From CNN:

    You know the drill -- you want a man, but not a relationship. Or, more to the point, you want some loving, but don't want the strings attached.

    Maybe you're wildly attracted to a dude physically, but find him mentally or morally lacking -- like a tanning technician or a bounty hunter.

    There's no way you'd ever date him, but why should you deny yourself entirely?

    Answer: Not a reason in the world.

    Negotiating a long-term, friends-with-benefits type situation can be tricky for us ladies.

    Dudes are seemingly born knowing how to detract emotions from physical activity. In fact, with many of them, I think it's their default setting. They can spend the night with a woman and then meander off into the sunset without giving the assignation a second thought.

    But women can have a harder time of it. We worry that we're being "used" (hello? Pot meet Kettle!) or feel like we're being promiscuous -- talk about a double standard!

    The trick is to accept what you've got with this person and avoid trying to make it something it'll never be. I've certainly been guilty of trying to turn a completely fine FWB into a BF, and the results were predictably disastrous.

    The pitfalls to avoid:

    • Language: Yes, it helps if he speaks a foreign language you don't understand, but that's not what I'm talking about. Pronouns like us or we are to be avoided like an open sore and all talk of plans further into the future than an hour or two away is verboten.

    • Meals: Acceptable FWB dining situations include shared bowls of cocktail peanuts, late-night grilled cheese sandwiches, and fancy desserts. Meals to be avoided are breakfast, brunch, dinner, with a special get-out-of-jail free card for lunch.

    • Conversation: Questions any more probing than "what are you wearing?" and "when can we meet?" can get a little sticky. Your FWB doesn't want to hear about your crazy mom and you really don't want him to start yapping about his Ayn Rand fixation. Keep it light, keep it moving.

    • Socializing: He doesn't meet your friends, you don't meet his. That goes double for family members. The best thing about having a FWB is that he's your dirty little secret.

    I remember being out with a girlfriend and running into the French-Canadian model I was spending my nights with at the time. He kissed me hello as my friend's jaw dropped down three flights of stairs. Blushing, I introduced him to my buddy who was still having trouble recovering her powers of speech. As he walked away, she punched me. Hard. "Shut up!" she yelled. I just smiled.

    On second thought, if he's that hot you might want to bring him around just for a drive-by.

    So, FwB is just casual sex with no guilt. For todays progressives. Young and old.

  • Finally-Free
    If You "Date" Someone Do You Still Look For Other Possiblities?

    Yes. Dating does not place me under any legal or contractual obligation to anyone.


  • undercover
    So I suppose I would pose the question... Who thinks that sex = commitment?

    I would have to answer (from my legally binding position) that the answer depends on each couple.

    Some people are quicker to hit the sack and may not think of sex as anything more than an activity to be shared with someone else willing do it. For these people, it is not a commitment.

    Others see it more of an act that is saved for committed couples. For those people it is a commitment. For one of them to go outside of that arrangement would be breaking the commitment that they had set up themselves, legal paperwork or not.

  • minimus

    Here's what I think. The person who's REALLY into the other is the one that might have a problem. For that person sex is not meaningless.

  • SixofNine

    Since we're telling "women at parties" stories, I'll tell my fresh-out-of-the-WT version.

    About a year or less after I'd quit the borg, I went to a wrap party that due to the time of year, doubled as a Christmas party (my first). At the end of the night, as I was making my way to the door, there was a group of 4 or 5 people talking and a woman from this group reached out to grab my arm and began saying something to me, but then stuttered for a second... she had mistaken me for her husband (who was, I believe, in or on the edges of the group she was chatting with). But w/o much hesitation, she smiled and reached in and kissed me square on the lips, with a "oh well, might as well make the best of that mistake". I don't know if the husband didn't see or didn't care due to the spirited nature of the situation.

    I thought, "this worldly stuff is gonna be all right".

  • minimus

    I thought you were at a "rap " party.

  • undercover

    yo yo i went to a party...thought it was a rap

    but it ended up being a wrap

    but that's alright dat

    i got a big ole smack up at

  • minimus

    UC, you ain't no rapper but you iz a wrapper

  • Country Girl
    Country Girl

    Whatever is the premise between consenting adults, who are we to judge it? Some want to dip their wick, and some want to whip their dick. Some girls have one-nighters, and some men are one-flighters. The point is: it's up to YOU to decide what you want, and what you will put up with, and blaming your shame on others is not the clue.

  • SixofNine

    preach it, sister.

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