Statistics: When one leaves does the other follow or is there usually separation?

by easyreader1970 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • easyreader1970

    Has anyone ever given any serious consideration or even any done any actual research to find out what happens to couples when one person starts to fade or leaves outright?

    I've been reading lots of messages, reading blogs, listening to podcasts, and watching youtube videos. It seems like the odds are 50/50. I am always hopeful when I read posts or messages about people who were (somehow) able to get their spouse to see the problems behind the WBTS. Then I feel down when I read or hear of someone who lost their children and spouse in a nasty separation. Or even if they do still have access to their kids, it's not natural to see your kids every other week or on weekends.

    Personally, I have a problem with the Bible in general. I no longer believe it to be the inerrant word of God. However, I believe that the JWs have twisted even that into something horrible. I don't necessarily believe that the JWs as a whole are "evil" or "out to cause mischief", but there is something very wrong with this religion.

    But back to my point: What has been your experience? For those of you who left, were your spouses also eager to jump ship? Or were you demonized and vilified when you revealed that you did not believe that the WBTS had the truth?



    demonized and vilified

  • dottie

    My Dad was disfellowshipped before I was born, but my parents remained married for 22 years. They had other issues to deal with besides his disfellowshipping though(his infidelities and drinking problem).

    I never understood why my JW friends(few and far between mind you) would never come over on the weekends he was home (he was an ironworker and would often work during the week and be home on the weekends, or every other weekend). I remember one time my brother's JW friend was spending the weekend at our place and my Dad happened to come home that same weekend. Even at a young age this kid did not say 2 words to my Dad, and looked at my Dad like he was terrified of him.

    I actually found it beneficial growing up with a parent "in" and the other "out". I was allowed to play with other "worldly" kids in the neighbourhood, or from school. Whereas my hubby's parents were both "in" and he had a much much more strict upbringing.

    On the other hand though, from my Mom's point, I'm sure she felt quite alone, but she always went out of her way to be the helpful one, but because she had a df'd spouse, she was never a part of the clique of Elderettes or MS'ettes. Even now she is remarried, to a MS, and she is still the very helpful one, for which I am glad. She is always helping the older folks in the Cong. and going out of her way to assist the ones that aren't in those cliques.

    Another thing about my Mom, is that she has always put her family and children first. Even above the Jw's. All of her kids (3 including myself) do not go to the hall, 2 of us have children out of wedlock, and all 3 of us lead lifestyles which would usually be cause for a spiritual pummeling. But she loves her grandchildren very much, she comes to visit Will and I even though we are not married, and she never, ever discusses her JW views with us. It is kind of an unwritten rule between her and us, we just don't talk about it. I have tried in the past, when the child abuse cases were in the news, but it fell on deaf ears, and I just learned to drop it.

    My Mom is the only one left in our family that is "in". I once had hopes of her leaving, but that was before she remarried. Now I'm afraid, it's a done deal. Unfortunately for me, my Mom's constant source of comfort and support thoughout her bad marriage to my Dad, were the JW's. It has kept her happy *shrug* I dunno...She nows how I feel, so I think that if she were ever to make the plunge and leave, I would be the first one she would come to.

    She's happy and pretty normal, so I just let her be. Someday, maybe, but I am not holding my breath.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Most of us stuff up by dropping the Apostabomb far too early.

    If you want to take friends and family out with you, you have to be the last one out.



  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    Or were you demonized and vilified when you revealed that you did not believe that the WBTS had the truth?

    This was my experience. Not by my wife, Nina was very sweet and as supportive as her brainwashing would allow, but almost without exception every Witness behaved this way toward me.

    I left in 1989. 13 years later, Nina did as well. The intervening time was very awkward between us but we got through it. Menopause on the other hand . . . .

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