"I'm sorry, but..."

by Farkel 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Farkel
    Farkel

    After noticing reniaa use that expression to give a "reason" why she was hijacking a thread, I thought about about people who use "I'm sorry, but...".

    "But" WHAT, reniaa, et. al.?

    It dawned on me (yeah. I'm a little slow at times) that this is much more than just a lame excuse. It is a lie. It is a non-apology apology. In other words, it is not an apology at all. If one has to justify an apology, then one doesn't really mean to offer one. Another way of saying this is, "I'm apologizing but I am still right and you are still wrong!

    This no different than when some idiotic public figure gets caught in a massive lie or act of hypocrisy and they say "I apologize that some people took what I said/did wrong." The apology was a nothing more than a mere smoke screen that in fact puts the blame on "some" who took the lie wrong!

    I remember being in traffic court many years ago and watched a "hanging judge" deal with idiots trying to slough off their responsibilities for being in that Court in the first place. Several of them, when asked how did they plead said, "Guilty, with an explanation, your Honor." The Judge looked them straight in the eye and bellowed, "Ok. Go ahead and explain your guilt!"

    Why can't people give up the notion of trying to look like they are right at all times? No one is capable of doing that. We are all only human. Anyone who pretends differently is not only a fool, but an arrogant dipshit fool.

    "I'm sorry and I apologize for that. I won't try to excuse what I did."

    "I lied and I'm sorry people were damaged for that. I was selfish for doing so."

    "I am a big hypocrite and it's painful to admit it, but I do. I need to improve and will do everything I can to make that happen."

    Any decent human knows that such admission are painful to make, but are still the right thing to do and show humility and character.

    Since none of those three admissions I just listed have EVER been issued by the Watchtower Printing Corporation in at least the last 80 years or more, we can deduce two things: the WTS is neither humble NOR has the character that common decency asks of mere mortals.

    From now on, whenever I hear someone say "I'm sorry but..." I'm going to interrupt and say, "If you want to offer an apology then come back when you are ready to offer one instead of just bullshit pretending to be one."

    Farkel

  • highdose
    highdose

    this is one of my pet peeves too: i really hate it when people say " i don't mean to be nasty or anything...but" or " i don't mean to be horrible... but"

    which basicly means " i am going to be horrible and nasty". Do people really think that exhuses them from their nastiness?

  • besty
  • Gregor
    Gregor

    Yes, your honor, I was guilty of speeding. I'm sorry, but I have an explaination...

    ...my wife had just pointed out that she had a baby's head sticking out of her wagina.

  • Farkel
    Farkel

    highdose,

    : i don't mean to be nasty or anything...but

    Yeah. That just brought up another one for me:

    "I don't mean to criticize you, but..."

    LIAR!! If you really don't mean to criticize me, then keep your fat mouth SHUT, dipstick!

    Sigh.

    Farkel

  • caliber
    caliber

    It seems it's human nature to justify why you did or said something.... saving face... saving honor !

    Since none of those three admissions I just listed have EVER been issued by the Watchtower Printing Corporation in at least the last 80 years or more, we can deduce two things: the WTS is neither humble NOR has the character that common decency asks of mere mortals
    .

    Maybe that's the point most of us were trained by the WT for years... even at the doors one learned not to accept fault

    The WT is right... everyone else is wrong... it was our job to convince them of this !

  • AllTimeJeff
    AllTimeJeff

    Great post. I am learning to get out of the JW mindset where I put pressure on myself to be perfect. At times, I have to catch myself, because I WILL make mistakes. But then, I try to justify it, or at least start to. It's getting better, but I have my bad days.....

    There is a saying I read on Ronnie's board that I will always remember. It helps me to avoid doing exactly what this thread seems to be about...... (paraphrasing as best I can.....)

    "There is no need to explain yourself. Your friends don't require it of you, and your enemies won't believe you anyway."

    I would say that as people, this applies. If you messed up, just admit it. Don't justify yourself. Endeavor to learn from it.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Similar to someone being insulting by saying:

    "You're so hateful. I mean, I'm just sayin'." Or the ubiquitous "No offense BUT ..."

    I think all are a rather passive/aggressive way of expressing not just anger but expressing a smug, rather superior attitude. And then rather cowardly masking it and inserting into a converstaion in a drive-by way before proceeding to duck out.

    So you've got someone who is afraid of open confrontation, angry but consumed with fear, the need to control because they feel out of control in their own life and finally low self-esteem matched with feelings of superiority.

    Perfect description of someone who would be attracted to a high control fundamentalist religion.

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    Just look at it this way, when someone says something like that they really mean it:

    "I'm sorry but" - No, you're not really sorry

    "I don't mean to hurt your feelings but" - Yes you do mean to

    "I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but" - Oh you were just itching to tell me this

    "I don't want to seem to be heartless but" - You're right, you don't have a heart

    And so on.

    Josie

  • caliber
    caliber

    Yes, your honor, I was guilty of speeding. I'm sorry, but I have an explaination...

    ...my wife had just pointed out that she had a baby's head sticking out of her wagina...

    .... .......... LOL I think Gregor has shown us there can never be absolutes to any principle !

    I think also of when a offended person will even say ... how could you have said such a thing ?

    they almost demand an explanation ! Oh Oh... I'm trying to justify...oops ...LOL

    sincerity is never an option though

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