Would things have been different if you had a "normal" life in the truth?

by truthseeker 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  truthseeker

  Yes, the title of the thead is ironic I know, but I couldn't think of an alternative.

  What do I mean by "normal" life in the truth? Well, having good friends you grew up with. Having a social life. The feeling of accomplishing something. The feeling that although the world "hates us", we can find comfort with each other. I was taught that the friends were ready to die for us if need be. Nothing could be further from the truth.

  I didn't a normal life growing up in the "truth". I had a very lonely life growing up in the religion.

  It wasn't that there weren't people my age in the Kingdom Hall - there were quite a few, but rumors about me and other matters made it impossible for me to find friends.

  I'm not joking - I literally spent every weekend alone - I did reach out to the older members of the congregation and I used to help them out, cut their grass etc. I was depressed for a very long time. Here I was in the peak of my youth and yet I had not one single friend, yet the congregation had many young people who went out of their way to ignore me and even shun me. I had never been disfellowshipped nor marked.

  I remember working with an elder who had two children. He asked me, "Truthseeker, why do you think the young ones find is so difficult to get along in the congregation" - I told him that they go off by themselves, do their own thing and they have no shared history with each other.

  On very rare occasions I was invited to a BBQ or a video evening everyone talked among themselves as they do. I realized then that without shared history you have no idea how these ones live, what they do, what they like etc. I see them several times a week in the hall but I know absolutely nothing about them.

  I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I had a few decent friends in the hall. I think it would have made a world of difference to me.

  There's still every possibility that my curious mind would have found this site and things would have gone the way they have now.

  I can't get those years back nor can I forget them entirely. They were pivotal years in my experience.

  So, I say thank you to the "friends" in one congregation in Sussex

  You all played a part, some big, some small, in helping me leave a destructive cult.

  I may have had no friends growing up but at least now I have my freedom.
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  meangirl

  I didn't start going to meetings until I was 13 and I noticed right away that "real friendships" just simply didn't exist. The friendships I was forced to make never compared to the friendships I had with my "worldly friends".....My husband having grown up as a witness his whole life has had an experience pretty much like yours. He simply doesn't know what it is like to have friends.....very sad.
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  truthseeker

  Meangirl, thanks for sharing that.

  It's hard. I have met some great people since leaving the religion, one of them left the truth a while ago and we recently met up.
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  bluecanary

  This was part of the reason I moved so often. I had "sometimes friends." We were friends sometimes, but I was often left out. Sometimes it was because they thought I wasn't a strong enough witness. Other times, it was because they thought I wasn't a weak enough witness. Every time I moved to a new city, state, congregation, I hoped things would be different. I'm happy now to meet people who don't need to constantly judge me to assess whether I'm worthy of their friendship.
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  meangirl

  Your welcome truthseeker, you are definitely not alone in your experience. Bluecanary I think your right on target the reason why real friendships cannot exist is because witnesses are so judgemental. It is like you said sometimes you weren't "spiritual enough" and other times you were "too spiritual".....damned if you and damned if you don't!
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  truthseeker

  Meangirl,

  There was one time when I auxiliary pioneered and suddenly I was noticed! I began to get invites but as soon as I stopped pioneering it was all over - like a fairground ride.
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  yknot

  Moving from what I knew as 'normal' (the good things you mentioned above)....... is where my problems started.

  It was then that I too was outcasted and spent most of my latter childhood in sheer isolation being viewed as a "BA" by the JWs and a Satan worshiper by the worldly children....(being a good dubette I assumed it was Satan's trials to get me to denounce Jehovah). I went from golden child to spawn of satan in a matter of days. Life went from bright and sunny to total darkness.

  Had I never moved away from the type and mindset of my previous Elders I wouldn't be on this forum today...... I would be happy in my understanding of the Org and a sister with an outstanding record and thoroughly perplexed at most of the experiences written.

  Instead I feel trapped in between worlds where both equally insist that the other is a figment of my imagination. The liberals say the sheeple choose to be 'primative' in their understanding and are not 'forced' into anything under any circumstances. Where in truth the sheeple are purposely kept in servitude and disadvantaged much like a coal mining company keeps it's miners via the company store. The sheeple believe they are the only type of JWs on the planet.
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  WTWizard

  Actually, there were only a few people in my former congregations that I gave a f*** about, and one of those families, the others did all they could to prevent me from doing anything with (while they wanted me to do more for the congregation). And the others--that was just an illusion. In fact, now I look at their pictures and just about want to puke--my brain had to have been turned off to see a damn thing about them to be attracted to.

  It did no good that they wanted me to just meet men at the a$$emblies--and that they want me to be around men, with men, on men--until they decide I am "ready" for the Value Destroyer Training School (more men), my billion simultaneous assignments that you cannot refuse for any reason, and watching them plunge the whole world into the Second Dark Ages and impose more just plain men on me. And they wonder why I never do anything for these forced "friends"--or I deliberately dog any attempt to make these puke-ugly men and busybodies happy.
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  Amazing

  Truthseeker,

  What you describe as a "normal" life was closer to what JWs were enjoying in the late 1960s when I joined. We actually had fun, and did nice things together. Some Sundays the whole congregation would agree to rent a hall in another town close to the beach, and have our meeting there, bring good food, and then go to the beach, which was close by ... and yes, we had beer. We played, hiked, and sometimes tgwo or three families took vacations together. We did this a few times, like traveling to Yellowstone for two weeks, or to Disneyland for a week. We spent long evenings watching movies on TV or playing cards. We had champagne and danced at weddings. We had sports events, albeit loosely formed teams and not heavy on the scoring, but enough to know we had a game ... and of course we did our usual JW stuff, studied together, and there were less DF-ings and less screwing around, and less overall trouble.

  That lasted until about 1975, and then it appeared that the Society started to open up even more ... "Service" meant more than going door to door, but also applied to almost all other good works. A Bible-trained conscience was the goal, rather than always turning to the Society to dictate out conduct and conscience and so on ... there was a time from 1976 until the early 1980s that we could even be a little bit open to DF'd people ... help them to meetings and at least say a brief greeting at the Hall to let them know we still cared ... then, as 1981 ended, and Ray Franz was DF'd ... it all changed, like a damn iron curtain came down ... how I and my family lasted until 1992 it beyond me ... and

  When I read this site and others and see what JWs deal with today, and what ex-JWs say upon their exit, I just cannot understand how anyone puts up with the Watchtower organization. I am more and more pleased that I awakened and left, and got my family out and a few friends ... and now we really have normal lives!

  Simply Amazing
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  Farkel

  Good to cya still around, Amazing. Give me a call sometime or PM me so we can catch up.

  Farkel