I was just asked to perform a civil union.....

by AK - Jeff 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    I did a few Jw weddings - quite a few in fact, though the number escapes me nowadays.

    This one will be a 'civil union' - not a legal wedding. One of the persons getting 'unioned' has a pending divorce, one that they believed would be finalized by now and isn't. So, they want to have the ceremony, say vows, and then later go to a judge and have a quick legal ceremony.

    They want a somewhat 'Christian' ceremony. The bride is an exJW, and the groom is from a Catholic family I think. I do not consider myself Christian any longer, so some thinking will have to go into this. I do not disagree with the Christian 'advice' given in the Bible, and they want a few scriptures quoted.

    I was not expecting this. At last notice, I had been asked to 'give away' the bride.

    Whoa - head kind of spinning. I have agreed to do it out of love for the couple, now to work out the details that will make us all comfortable.

    Another interesting concern will be for the bride - will the Jw family attend? I think they will. Will they 'tattle' to the elders if they know the divorce is not complete yet? And me, the well known local apostate doing the ceremony, and not an ordained minister? Some eyebrows will be raised.


  • avishai

    So get ordained, it's free and quick, you can pring out your credential.

  • treadnh2o

    You want the marriage talk outline?

  • avishai

    here's the one I use!

    anyone's welcome to use it!

    Dear Friends,

    We are gathered here at this hour to witness and celebrate the drawing
    together of two
    separate lives.
    We have come so that this man, _____, and this woman, ______, may be joined
    marriage. It is not to be entered into lightly, but with certainty, mutual
    respect, and with
    a sense of reverence, which does not preclude beauty, humor, or joy.

    As we know, no clergyman, no public official can marry you. Only you can
    another, by a mutual committment to love each other, to work toward
    atmosphere of care, consideration, and respect by a willingness to weather
    the storms
    that underlie human life as well as its boundless joy.

    The wedding vow is much more than a contract, a mere piece of paper. It is
    a sacred personal vow. Matrimony symbolizes the ultimate intimacy between a
    man and
    a woman. This closeness not diminishing, but enhancing the individuality of
    each partner.

    Marriage is a union of two lives in one love, and we can derive no moral
    from love, except
    to love more deeply. We can expect nothing from love except that love
    We cannot
    choose what chances and changes may befall us, but we can shape the spirit
    with which we
    shall meet them.

    In marriage, ______ and ______ have begun a new book of life, and they have
    invited us
    all here to witness the opening chapter of that book.

    You stand before us today as two mature and thoughtful people who wish to
    express their
    emotions within the framework of a meaningful life. For your self-reliance,
    courage, and
    love, you deserve respect, and it is these attributes which make this a
    serious, but not
    solemn occasion.

    I would like at this time to speak of some of the things which many of us
    wish for you:

    First, we wish for you, a love that makes you both better people, and that
    continues to
    give you joy and a zest for living.We wish for you, a home, not a place of
    mere stone or
    wood, but an island of sanity and serenity in a frenzied world. We hope
    this home is
    not just a place of private joy and retreat, but rather a temple wherein
    values of your
    life are generated and upheld.

    We hope that your home stands as a symbol of humans living together in love
    and peace.
    We hope that your home encompasses the beauty of nature. That it has within
    it the
    elements of simplicity, exuberance, beauty, silence, color, and a
    concordance with the
    rhythms of life. We wish for you a home with books, poetry and music; a
    with all
    the things which represent the highest strivings of men and women. Finally,
    we wish that
    at the end of your lives, you will be able to say these two things to each

    "Because you have loved me, you have given me faith in myself, and because
    have seen
    the good in you, I have received from you a faith in humanity."

    Today's celebration of human affection is therefore an outward sign of a
    sacred and inward
    committment which religious societies may consecrate and states may
    legalize, but which
    neither can create nor annul. Such a union can only be created by loving
    be maintained by abiding will, and be renewed by human feelings and
    intentions. In this
    spirit, these two persons stand before us.

    ______, do you promise ______ that you will be her husband, and do you
    pledge to her
    your respect and your love? ______, do you promise ______ that you will be
    his wife,
    and do you pledge to him your respect and your love?

    **Now by the form of solemnization of marriage, by the state of California,
    but most of
    all by your own love, you may call yourselves by those two old and
    husband and wife. Kiss bride** posted by:

  • avishai

    edited for double post.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Thanx avishai. May I use it? Or parts at least?


  • avishai

    You can use as much or as little as you like, i've used it close to a hundred times, and never had any complaints. It's great because religious people who listen to it read religious stuff into it, andthose who aren't , don't.

  • blondie

    So how can they have even a "civil" ceremony if one person is not yet legally divorced? This is really just an informal ceremony, so I don't think you need to be formally ordained. I hope that the legal part goes through soon.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Yes, they had a 'wedding' planned. I was not going to be do the ceremony. Then they found out that the groom's ex has held up the divorce for some reason. They will do a quiet wedding at the courthouse or something once the divorce comes thru. In the meantime, I just think they are ready to live under the same roof and get on with it. Plus they don't want to shelve all the plans they had made for the wedding.

    SO I go from the one who gives away the bride to the one who hitches them - so to speak.


  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Right - no 'ordination' needed. Or desired as far as that goes. This is not a legal ceremony as far as the state is concerned - though in the eyes of God, well who knows?


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