One of my favorite singers is Billy Joel, and his song, "You're Only Human" has one key verse that is as good as anything Solomon ever put up for public consumption.
"You're not the only one whose made mistakes
But they're the only things, that you can truly call your own"
One of the key (almost obsessive) focuses of Jehovah's Witnesses is sin. And their definitions of sin. The sad side effects of dwelling on ones personal sin is that of low self esteem, extreme guilt over things one has no control over, and a general depression that can come over you if you think that the only thing you are identified with is what you do wrong.
Because this could take a theological slant (i.e. sin needs a sacrifice of Jesus, etc etc etc) I won't go down that road. Suffice to say, we all have our personal beliefs on that, which isn't my point in writing.
But to take a different view of the matter, such an abnormal focus of "sin" and "sinners" is to take a negative point of view as to our life. We then turn into a person who looks in the mirror, and see's what we are not, what we didn't do, should have done, and our life becomes a skipping CD of reliving moments that we may never really had control of in the first place.
Many who leave JW's like myself resign. Others however are disfellowshipped because of violating JW law. They "sin", become "sinners", and leave. Later on, they might learn that though they still believed that JW's had the truth at the time of their disfellowshipping, their being in a disfellowshipped state allowed them to research and find out the real truth about Jehovah's Witnesses.
Thus, there are 2 general types of JW exits. The resignation/walk aways. And the kick out. It is to those kicked out and disfellowshipped that I write this today. (disclaimer: I just mean for that to be loose and general... I know many leave under weird circumstances that you couldn't possibly categorize....)
The mindset that is created by a focus on what you are not, or have failed on in life, I think impedes progress. Is it necesarry to view all mistakes as sin?
In getting to know so many who have left, for their own reasons, I find that it is impossible to exit this JW cult without making mistakes. The idea that it was sin that caused you to leave in the first place only makes things worse.
In addition, is it a sin (to beat yourself up for) or a mistake? (from which you can learn from?)
Your own mistakes.. They suck. I know. I hate mine like crazy. But here is the good news, if you can do this.... They are your own mistakes to learn from.
Why not own that? Why not own who you are? Bad decisions, while striving to avoid repeats, can provide a glimpse into who we are, and where to go next.
Dont sweat the small stuff. Don't beat yourself over what you cannot change. Accept what you did, who you are, and that you can do at least something, no matter how small, to make the next hour, and the next day, better. You're not the only one whose made mistakes, but they're the only things that you can truly call your own.
And if you do feel bad, here is another verse from that song that I love. Hey, lets not quit! Fight! Always fight!!!!!
"Well you've been keeping to yourself these days
Cause you're thinking everything's gone wrong
Sometimes you just want to lay down and die
That emotion can be so strong
But hold on
Till that ol second wind comes along."
