i think my df son needs your help...kicked to the curb at 17...

by oompa 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • Jim_TX

    College is a great recommendation! As I'm sure you know - he doesn't need to know what he wants to do in life. Life is full of surprises.

    Sooooo... just get him into college. There are some courses that are required - regardless of what field one pursues. English(?), Math(?) - so he can start taking courses like these (not too many though... these are kinda ho-hum) and then while there, and hopefully - talking to others, he may discover that he has an interest - or knack - for something that he can get a degree for.

    Of course... I never went - except for taking a few semesters at a local 2-year college - so maybe I'm not able to give advice in this area.


    Jim TX

  • Tuesday

    That's what I was going to say Jim, basically he needs to take the core requirements anyway. He'll find like I did those core requirements might seem like High School at first but they're a whole different ball game in what you're learning and how. People who hated High School usually LOVE College. Plus he needs to take I believe 6 electives which would be for the credit hours, tell him to read through the catalogue and sign up for anything that interests him. chances are he'll find one thing and try to major in that. That's what happened to me, I started out hoping for an associates in computer programming, ended up moving to paralegal, liberal arts, english then creative writing. Luckily the last three were the easiest shifts. Life has a funny way of falling in to place, just get to college things will fall into place from there.

  • undercover
    he is so depressed he has considered suicide a lot and thinks he may have to go back in a search for when he was happier

    He needs professional counseling. It's good that you're there and can relate to losing the social aspect of the JW life and encourage him to look for life outside of it, but since suicide has crossed his mind, he needs more help than what you or any of us can provide.

    Good luck to you and your son...


    College is a great idea. Students take the same basic courses for the first year. He will meet many new and interesting people and grow emotionally also. My 23 year old daughter thanks me for persuading her to attend college out of state.

    Counseling for depression sounds like a great idea. Maybe you ask him to read Crisis of Conscience and/or encourage him to investigate this board and freeminds.

  • Heaven

    I agree with undercover. Your bond with him being stronger and supportive is very important but you aren't always going to be there. As always, I am a big fan of "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and "First Things First" by Stephen Covey. But to have an outside professional counselor talk with him is very important as well. There is no emotional tie with someone like this so he can truly open up about stuff he may not open up to you about.

    I wish him all the best. It can be very difficult, depressing, and frustrating not knowing what you want out of life. This is a key piece that he needs to work on. Has he formulated any goals at all? Perhaps start with that and also what his passions are. These can be very helpful in starting down a path to accomplish a full, productive, and hopefully, fun-filled life. Whatever he does, going back to the cult is not going to get him this. I find it only disables people.

  • oompa

    Thanks all....and Heaven.....i have been wanting to read that and will get my son a copy.....he has had a ton of counseling......even in patient for a month once several years ago......i think he needs more and we are working on that right now.......

    but i wonder just how much of where he is comes from his social structure falling apart......oompa

  • Balsam


    My son Dirk has been disfellowshipped since he was 17 too because one of the loyal JW kids ratted him out when he saw him smoking cigarettes at school. They invited him to a meeting and he didn't go and he heard they announced him being disf'ed at the meeting without him ever talking to them. Plus we all went through the ordeal of my middle son (Dirks brother) before all that happen. My son has been suicidal, his Dad could care less about him because he is disf'ed and Dirk has struggled mentally and emotionally to cope with losing everything he once thought important.

    He is healing though and is enrolled in college courses full time this coming school year at 21 now and finally on the mend. What helped him the most was knowing I was there to help if he needed it, and he found that he qualified for federal assistance to pay for college course and his books. My husband and his Step-Dad is difficult but I won't permit him to hurt Dirk. Dirk works at Walmart part time and begins full time college courses this up coming school year. Lot's of love and patience from one caring parent can save your kids from dispair after leaving the JW mind control but it takes time and extending ourselves to them. As for Dirk's Dad well he is an idiot when it comes to turn against Dirk and he has lost his son. Dirk said even if his Dad ever came out of the cult he just don't know if he could forgive him. His Dad refused to attend Dirk's graduation because of him being Disf'ed, which really angered Dirk. It was so bad that Dirk moved out of his Dad's house when he was 16 and lived with his older brother till he graduated. His dad never checked on him though he lived close by. The man deserves to have a bad ending in this life.

    Oompa your doing everything right hang in there, and to Oompa's Son Your Dad loves you dearly don't give up you will be fine as you realize there is life after Jehovah's Witnesses. Don't go back to the baloney religion it is a waste of your precious time.

  • oompa

    Thanks so much Balsam......i have never forgot you or your story about your other son....i know it may hurt....but you should post that story now and again..........thanks so much........oompa

    she was at my first apostafest only two week after i came here and woke up........i was on the fast track

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