My son Dirk has been disfellowshipped since he was 17 too because one of the loyal JW kids ratted him out when he saw him smoking cigarettes at school. They invited him to a meeting and he didn't go and he heard they announced him being disf'ed at the meeting without him ever talking to them. Plus we all went through the ordeal of my middle son (Dirks brother) before all that happen. My son has been suicidal, his Dad could care less about him because he is disf'ed and Dirk has struggled mentally and emotionally to cope with losing everything he once thought important.
He is healing though and is enrolled in college courses full time this coming school year at 21 now and finally on the mend. What helped him the most was knowing I was there to help if he needed it, and he found that he qualified for federal assistance to pay for college course and his books. My husband and his Step-Dad is difficult but I won't permit him to hurt Dirk. Dirk works at Walmart part time and begins full time college courses this up coming school year. Lot's of love and patience from one caring parent can save your kids from dispair after leaving the JW mind control but it takes time and extending ourselves to them. As for Dirk's Dad well he is an idiot when it comes to turn against Dirk and he has lost his son. Dirk said even if his Dad ever came out of the cult he just don't know if he could forgive him. His Dad refused to attend Dirk's graduation because of him being Disf'ed, which really angered Dirk. It was so bad that Dirk moved out of his Dad's house when he was 16 and lived with his older brother till he graduated. His dad never checked on him though he lived close by. The man deserves to have a bad ending in this life.
Oompa your doing everything right hang in there, and to Oompa's Son Your Dad loves you dearly don't give up you will be fine as you realize there is life after Jehovah's Witnesses. Don't go back to the baloney religion it is a waste of your precious time.