i think my df son needs your help...kicked to the curb at 17...

by oompa 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  oompa

  he is a good example of what dubs think happens to all who leave da troof.....he has floundered in life, but he was as a teen dub too....he had lost of emotional problems and really hated authority figures....school problems a nightmare starting at 13...then counseling and tons of meds......the dunked for a gf at 16.....and kicked out at 17...it has been five years

  i hate to admit it but back then i urged him to "go to the elders".....when dfd....i told him and others "it was for his own good".....was that party line or what!?!?!??!

  NOW......i am trying to get him to see what a mindfuck it is to lose your entire social structure at that age!!!!!........and for a decision he made at 16???....when all he was is a ragin hormone??????????.........damm them to hell for letting kids take the plunge without a serious thought in their head!!!......and then holding them as accountable as adults that decide to join

  anyhoo.....he has never really thought about the effect this has had on him.....and now after another bad mistake in life, he would have been very close to homeless without my help......now he is like the "prodigal son"...barf, but really....he wants to be more responsible and i am there for him.....i love him and know he is messed up more than he even knows......

  esp since he has thoughts now of going back!!!.......two of his very best friends have done just this lately....and not even for just fading after!!!...they both wanted it for structure/removing guilt of life course (gay)/and giving up booze.......and they BELIEVE most of it still......my son does not and would do it only for family and friends.....says he could never do service anymore.....he is so depressed he has considered suicide a lot and thinks he may have to go back in a search for when he was happier...ya he was raised in as a 5th gen........he so missed the big annual fam superbowl party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  that was huge for him since there were no other holidays.........is that sad or what.........i love him and we are closer than ever.......i am trying to get him to come here and see others similar story, but he has so many issues and is so bitter and confused......he really does not know what he wants to do in life, and feels a failure because of his money problems.........i told him that should not be his since of selfworth.......but that is USA

  i am depressed too (i really miss my old friends, am pretty isolated with my jw wife, but am unable to go back to meetings without screaming BULLSHIT every 6.5 minutes)......and we both want to help each other.........that is kinda nice and we may be able to help each other actually........oomps
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  White Dove

  Oompa,

  This is so sad, but it sounds like you two could use this to bond, like you said. He needs to know that nothing stays the same and this crap, too, will pass. I'm thinking of support from Dad, JWN, real friends, treatment for dependency, college...
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  leavingwt

  He needs a copy of 'Combatting Cult Mind Control', very badly.

  Sorry to hear this.
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  Tuesday

  Why don't you try to get him to go to college or something in order to occupy his mind so he'll get that silliness of returning out of his head?
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  The Almighty Homer

  Oompa tell him to post up , will have a chat with him, give him some encouragement and so on.
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  jamiebowers

  Like most jw kids, your son was set up for failure: had he stayed in the borg, he could never do enough, and he's fullfilling the prophecy that says a person wlll fail outside of the cult. So, why not start fresh? Has he a skill or an education? If not, going to college or at least a trade school is a good idea. You might also consider having an apostafest or travel around with him to meet other recovering jws. Counseling with exiting a cult as the focus would also be a good idea. Wha about him joining the military? He's young, and there are lots of ways for him to get on the straight and narrow without rejoining the borg.
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  kitten whiskers

  Getting kicked out, at an emotionally vulnerable age, must be so hard. So much harder than leaving as an adult.

  Have you told him how wrong they were and how you feel bad about how you handled the situation? It may help him see that there is no need for any guilt.

  I wish you all the best! Find a little routine to do with him maybe. Coffee every morning at a breakfast place, with casual conversation about the lies you've discovered in Watchtower world and what made you leave. Things you wish you could have done for him. Maybe just hearing your heartfelt wishes will help him overcome. I hope so.

  In a side note...you can go 6.5 minutes before screaming BS? Wow Oompa! You have me beat! I can't drive by the local hall without doing that in my car!
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  oompa

  i am going to help him with schooling....but EVERYTHING has hit so bad......unemployment raging....his own mistakes....many and stupid and now regretted (thankfully....growing!) as it is one thing to be stupid at 16 and another at 22.........everybody and their mother in in school as many schools are 33% booked over last year....plus he really does not know what he wants to do in life even once he goes to school......but i guess some here maybe figured out what they wanted to while in school??

  i never did get to go.....i just had some trade skills i pretty much have always hated....got a bit lucky in biz......and now my son works with me in that industry.....and he hates that he is depending on nepotism.....but i have been that way for 30 years with fam and friends......and told him he should just feel glad i can help him and love him that way....that is the way family owned businesses often work.......and that in ten years he can look back on his early life as one of some bad decisions....

  i so want my son happy.......and if he can cope with knowing JW religious teachings have no merit.....yet his friends and family are there and he very well may find more happiness there..........i would not fault him for that...i tried a brief return as a torrid/vocal apostate fader.....and it went very poorly....never again......and i did it purely for social reasons.......i guess what is gone is gone for me too.....

  there are sooooo many millions in the world......billions prob that are born poor, and die poor.......surely money is not how they all view their worth.....that must be more a third world thing i bet......anyway....my heart is aching for him, but i do have his back......and despite how he wishes he did not need my help....he really does appreciate it.....i feel it as never before........oompa

  wetface
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  oompa

  kitten......funny on the 6.5 minutes...and we are spending more worktime together......talking more.....working more on projects after work.....and WOW....doing some serious bike riding....road and wicked trails.....he is nearly killing me.......i feel like i climbed mount everest this weekend!.....

  i just so wish i could help him find his focus.......how did we all find our way in life as to work esp?.......

  one of my fave quotes/thoughts in life is i think.....form mark twain........."find something you love to do and you will never work another day in your life"......i soooo love that......and know a few who have found it........anybody know if that was actually mark twain?......i googled it and came up unsure.........but that is a way off topic point so just pm me with it.......

  btw lurkers.......or active dubs just checking here to out someone from your congo.......how could any religion ever want families to shun those that are there own flesh??( and dont say jesus came to divide families as that is just nuts!)...the entire patriarchal arrangement was about family......who would set up a faith that way....it must have meant something else as jws say all the time about other things) .....how could they change the bible without a single god damm reason for doing so other than to make it say what they want it to????........i sometimes xplode with hate and bitterness at what these people do to families/individuals with manmade rules and interpretations of scripture that they could soooo easily explain to make us all so much happier...........oompa
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  Mrs. Fiorini

  Oompa,

  Your son doesn't have to know what he wants to do with the rest of his life to get started. As you mentioned, some people find out what interests them while they're in school. And most people nowadays don't find one career and do it until they retire. People do something for a while, and when they're ready for a change, they do something else. Many people are on their second, third or more career by the time they retire. He should just try something that sounds interesting to him right now and see where it leads. Of course, finding a job in this economy is no picnic. But the recession can't last forever.

  Since he's young, he has his whole life ahead of him. He has a lot of time to put his problems behind him. Many of us would love to have been his age when we figured out the WT was full of BS.

  My best wishes for both of you,

  Mrs. F.