losing my religion

by imperialspy 14 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  imperialspy

  After 5 years away from the Borg, it hasn’t got any easier. In fact, in my mind, it’s got worse. The pain of losing a mother, father, two sisters and a brother, nieces and nephews, people I loved so dearly, has become ever deeper with every passing day. Just as you think the pain can’t go any further, alas, it does. And the real sad part – it’s never going to get any better.

  My shrink said my situation was like that of a baby, all snuggled up in the safety and warmth of a cot. Suddenly, the blankets and sheets are all pulled away. The cot sides are gone and the complete security that once was is gone.

  The more I pondered over this analogy, the more I grew to appreciate the implications involved therein. The realization that all this has happened doesn’t sink in immediately. It takes a while to realize you are feeling the cold, to stumble over the edge of the cot and feel pain with no-one there to pick you up and hug you afterwards. You may shout for help but no-one is there, you may scream in a vain attempt to summon attention but no-one listens.

  I’m sure there must be more folk like me out there...

  This is my first post... thank you all for making such an invaluable site.
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  leavingwt

  Welcome.
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  undercover

  Welcome...

  You are not alone...many have suffered. This place acts like a big support group, sometimes dysfunctional, yet most of us understand what it's like to be outcast from family and friends in our previous JW world.

  Good luck on your journey to freedom.
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  cognac

  Sorry for your loss...
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  BabaYaga

  Welcome, ImperialSpy.

  I am glad you are seeing a counselor that can hopefully help you through some of this. And yes, you're right, the realization doesn't sink in immediately. It takes a while to regroup and heal.

  But I am here to tell you that it DOES get better. Much, much better.

  Are you familiar with the Elizabeth Kubler Ross grief cycle? We generally tend to go through stages coming out of a loss (and in the case of us ex-JW's, losing one's religion is a tremendous one.)

  • Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.

  • Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.

  • Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.

  • Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.

  • Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.

  • Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.

  • Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

  Hang in there. Step by step.

  Love,
  Baba.
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  imperialspy

  Thanks all very much for your quick kind words. I have to say Baba that I am in the 6th stage of the cycle you mentioned. I wasn’t aware of it before but it all makes perfect sense to me. I am finding ways to deal with what has happened, and this is just another avenue to complete the healing process.

  ;-)
• 

  jamiebowers

  Welcome to JWN. Things get better when you form a new social circle and find others to replace ones you've lost. Letting go of the guilt and mind control helps as well. You've made a good start by getting therapy and joining here.

  Please check your pm's. Click on the envelope in the upper right hand corner. You may have to try a few times.
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  Hope4Others

  welcome to the forum, it takes time but things do get easier. I think making new friends involving yourself in community things will help

  to focus on other things. I would suggest reading "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan. Releasing the fear and guilt is the most

  important thing you can do for yourself.

  h4o
• 

  metaspy

  As a fellow spy and former JW, I feel a connection with you.

  Sorry for your loss.

  I hope you find comfort here.
• 

  oompa

  impspy welcome.....you have the saddest first post ever......at least to me......and that is prob cause i kinda feel the same way....not just for me, but esp for my son.......he was dfd as a young teen and is out for 5 years now....i am just a very vocal apostate who accidentally faded and quit.....but have lost almost all my friends......but i still have my folks who do not shun me......but my boy is shunned by all but my jw wife, son, and mom

  it is a strange and painful feeling to see your own father turn and walk away when your own son comes walking up.....ya....his first grandson....

  but the thought this weekend was how this will just keep on happening as the shunning never ends......when he falls in love and gets married......what a pain in the ass....yep.....most family and no old friends would go to it........this is just sick....this shunning thing is so damm awful and unfair.......how can you kill a kids total social structure or anyones just cause they change their mind on something???!?!?!!.

  anyway....sorry i ranted to you newbie.......but i do feel your pain and felt it a lot this weekend as i got to spend it with my boys and wanted to invite my folks over as we were cookin out and had too much food.......it seemed so natural i started to do it and wife says "hello.....what are you thinking?".........oompa

  and also.....good luck friend.....i bet you see i do feel your pain as do many here in this small club.....i did some therapy, but need more i guess...this place is the best around for the price