Should I just keep my distance?

by wavvy 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Heaven

    Yes, I agree about needing to be braver about setting boundaries as well as not cutting them off. Figure out for yourself how much contact is good for you. I agree with jamiebowers. Try to come to some common, non-religious ground. See if they will agree to have some fun that doesn't have a religious theme. It is definitely challenging to deal with family who are 'in'.

  • oompa

    i saved it with my family.....they all know that it makes me uncomfortable if not psycho to talk about jw stuff or religious stuff at it never comes up!.......unless i slip up and bitch at something that still drives me nuts........oompa

  • Robdar

    Your parents are old and will be out of your hair soon enough. You can either learn tolerance and enjoy the time you have left together or you can be an ass about it. The choice is yours to make but dead is dead and when they go, they are not coming back. And if you die, you are not coming back either.

  • wavvy

    Robdar - you are really a ray of sunshine

  • Robdar

    Robdar - you are really a ray of sunshine


    The truth is often dark and grim. Glad I was able to lighten things up a bit.

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    Do what they do when other people talk about their religion to them. Just smile and nod. Then move on with what you want to say.

    Most of us here were once in the same mind as your parents. Treat them how you would have liked to be treated. Try to get down to the real person under the mind control and show them love.

  • DaCheech

    hey raindrops, welcome.

    raise your hand....... ha ha

  • slimboyfat

    Robdar is right.

  • rebel8

    I guess I have a different POV than others.

    If these people were constantly pushing Scientology or Amway culty stuff on you, what would you do? The answer applies to dubs too.

    They're unable or unwilling to respect appropriate boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship with you. The reason doesn't matter; the affect is the same. As unfortunate as that is, no social relationship is more important than your wellbeing.

    I would be doing the same as you--maintaining cordiality but not a social relationship.

  • wavvy

    rebel8 - thanks. I do think my wellbeing is more important than anything. Balance is the key I think. I don't want to push them away from me altogether, but I do think I need to limit my contact with them. My mother is a very pushy woman, always has been. She isn't going to change.

    But, the responses to this thread have made me think that just as many of us were scared when we left the dubs about all the bad stuff that was going to happen to us...demon attacks etc, my parents are also worried that this is happening to their little girl. I guess the less they see of me the more they will worry. If I can let them into my life enough for them to see firsthand that:

    1. I have not become an alcoholic or a drug-abuser

    2. I am happily married to a man who treats me like a princess, although he's not a JW. He's not an alcoholic, drug-abuser, or adulterer either!

    3. I have never had a 'demon attack' in my life.

    4. I am financially secure, and a productive member of society who likes to think they contribute to the community in some way.

    5. My life is peaceful and full of love and contentment.

    Hopefully it may reassure them, perhaps maybe even make them think twice about the whole idea that life goes sour when you leave the borg. But, chances are they are still going to be unable to resist the need to preach to me... But, so what? I love them, and I am happy with who I am and where I am in my life. Yes, it'd be nice if my parents could see that and just be happy for me and approve of my life. But, if they don't, I'll probably feel hurt for a few minutes, but ultimately, I won't let them destroy my peace.

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