I think amputees go to limb-o
Whose Prayers Are Heard?
by compound complex 27 Replies latest jw friends
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Mastodon
Grandpa Carlin was right:
"Trillions and trillions of prayers every day asking and begging and pleading for favors. 'Do this' 'Gimme that' 'I want a new car' 'I want a better job'. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday. And I say fine, pray for anything you want. Pray for anything. But...what about the divine plan? Remember that? The divine plan. Long time ago god made a divine plan. Gave it a lot of thought. Decided it was a good plan. Put it into practice. And for billion and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn't in god's divine plan. What do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a divine plan. What's the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan? And here's something else, another problem you might have; suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? 'Well it's god's will. God's will be done.' Fine, but if it gods will and he's going to do whatever he wants to anyway; why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me. Couldn't you just skip the praying part and get right to his will?
You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Ok. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. Doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that god was having trouble with. For years I asked god to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.
I noticed that of all the prayers I used to offer to god, and all the prayers that I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answer at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want. Half the time I don't. Same as god 50/50. Same as the four leaf clover, the horse shoe, the rabbit's foot, and the wishing well. Same as the mojo man. Same as the voodoo lady who tells your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles. It's all the same; 50/50. So just pick your superstitions, sit back, make a wish and enjoy yourself."[George Carlin, from "You Are All Diseased".]
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Mastodon
I think amputees go to limb-o
muaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha
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tooktheredpill
Mastodon Said:
"God is usually too busy finding my mom's car keys, so she can go to the meeting, to be worried about what everyone else is praying for..."
Hey Mastodon!
I've seen my mom doing exactly the same many times! The keys appear and she says "Thanks Jehovah!"... It's really sad, when you think about it.
TTRP
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Mastodon
Hey Mastodon!
I've seen my mom doing exactly the same many times! The keys appear and she says "Thanks Jehovah!"... It's really sad, when you think about it.
TTRP
It is sad. Also a little funny.
We need to touch base sir, so you can give an update on your fading adventures :)
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Finally-Free
That briefcase stuffed full of $1000 bills never appeared, so I assume mine were not heard.
W
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PSacramento
Cool, Joe Pesci > God !
LMAO !!
Priceless !
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VIII
My answer was serious, BTW. Really.
When I see a former amputee show up on any news show who said his/her prayer was answered I'll believe prayers.
This assumes the amputee is a former amputee and they verify that they prayed for said limb.