Embarrassing Moments on the Platform (page 3)

Cadellin

Heard this from a friend who spent a while in a small rural congregation in the north, where the publishers were a little, um, rough around the edges. Anyway, a local needs part was about how just because you took a territory out in your name, it didn't mean it was yours but "Jehovah's" and how they needed to be shared to make sure they got worked. At the end, an old brother raises his hand and says, "All I want to know is who's the son-of-a-bitch that's been working my territory?"

Quandry

At a District Convention in Florida many years ago, the speaker said, "And don't we owe Jehovah a grat of detitude!"

An elder from our Hall that thought he was such a great speaker gave a talk at the Circuit Ass. on "Running with the crowd in the same low STINK of debauchery." He then said, "And these things sure do STINK, don't they?" Bet he got a bit of "counsel" after this talk!

loosie

I was householder once when I was 20. I was asked to read a scripture. For some reason my voice started to crack up like I was going to cry. I had no idea why this was happening. I had been up on stage since I was 5.

Anyway I got thru the scripture albeit very shaking. The sister giving the talk gave me a weird look. Finally the talk was over. after the meeting an elder wh oI had looked up too teased me about my voice during the talk. I NEVER gave or was the householder for another talk.

geodude

I think I was 11 or 12 when I had to switch talks and give one from some publication for teenagers. I was pretty big, so I don't think that the elder in charge knew that I was too young to give the talk. I also picked the wrong chapter which somehow tied into "self-abuse" (or whackin' off -I was so innocent, I hadn't even discovered the joys of "knowing" oneself) The talk was really meant for an elder to give. I pretty much followed verbatim until the masturbation part when I started mixing things up. Thank god it was in the library and not the main hall - I do remember some analogy about keeping oneself clean where I kept using the phrase "But on the other HAND.." which made my brothers and their friends blow snot out their noses... I kept going getting more flustered and embarassed until the elder in charge, who'd gone to the bathroom during my talk, came back in with an alarmed look on his face, and pointed to his watch. He actually started criticizing me about gestures and hand movements, which just made my brothers blow more mucus, and teh elder's face turn red. I didn't know what I'd done wrong until my brothers told me at home. At least Dad was giving a talk in the other hall, and didn't see it.

LayingLow

That one about "All I want to know is who's the son-of-a-bitch that's been working my territory?" was hilarious. Thank you for sharing

HintOfLime

Ha ha, simultaneously hysterical and potentially horrifying experience, geodude.

- Lime

Embarrassing Moments on the Platform