When Does It End?

by Little Girl Lost 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Little Girl Lost
    Little Girl Lost

    Does anyone know frome experience ... when does it end?

    The shunning.

    After you have been reinstated and you think you are back to square 1 ... then it all goes south.

    It's like you were still DF'd. Don't post "What did I expect" sort of thing. I'd really like to know of some positive

    situations ... if there are any.


  • boyzone

    The shunning should end as soon as your reinstatement is announced. Of course some my not have heard the announcement so they might continue to shun not realising the situation has changed.

    Why do you ask? whats your experience?

  • WuzLovesDubs

    Welcome LGL. Its a tough unloving road. I didnt try to get reinstated, I just stayed gone and that was my choice. But its never the same again once you go back, like the trust is gone. You might as well be wearing a scarlet letter you know? My mother in law DAd in 1999. She missed her friends and went back after a year of groveling and humiliation and being treated like a criminal...and was finally reinstated in 2002. However her friends did NOT receive her back with open arms ( so much for the prodigal son) and she was NOT accepted back with love. Nobody trusted her any more and they were cordial and cold to her. She left again in 2005 because she couldnt stand it any more.

    So if you are trying to go back...if thats what you want...I wish you well with it. But you are dealing with incredibly self righteous judgemental hypocritical people.

    We are EXJWs on this board...for the most part. And whatever you have been through someone here has too. So we would love to hear your story.

    hugs, LD

  • shamus100

    I don't understand your situation either.

    When you get re-instated, many will still keep away from you, because you are still spiritually weak. You should go home after every meeting and get spirtually strong more.

  • passwordprotected

    Welcome to the forum!

  • awildflower

    I'm not even da'd or df'd just considered at this point inactive I guess. Haven't been to anything since January, NOT ONE PERSON has tried to contact me or my family, so the shunning happens before, during and after forever......wf

  • blondie

    It depends on how judgmental the elders and your congregation are. How have they treated other reinstated people in that congregation? It also depends on whose family they are in, heavy elders, etc., family with prestige and/or money. Someone with many jws in business with them.

    Although there is nothing in the bible (what is new) the WTS has arbitrary periods of time for regular pioneers (1 year), MS (1 year), elders (5-10 years) that they have to be back in before they will be reappointed. Some jws will never consider you good enough, but they they lack any real loving side. I know one jw that is still pointed out as the brother that cheated on his wife and it was 30 years ago and she forgave him. He was not allowed to be appointed an elder until 20 years had passed.

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    Your not shunned here......

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    Sorry for the pain you feel. I remember the witnesses saying that a recently reinstated person is the weakest one spiritually. You probably know how they treat "weak" ones.

    Some of their reaction may have to do with the gossip about why you were dfd. They are actually encouraged to speculate by others and even by the talk one of the elders gives after you are dfd. No, they don't name the person, but they describe a type of behavior that may lead to a specific sin. Imagination takes it from there.

    You will always have to "prove" yourself as a worthy associate to them. I cannot think of an instance where this kind of behavior was encouraged by Jesus.

  • flipper

    LITTLE GIRL LOST - Welcome to the board my friend. You are among people who understand what you are going through. I have been on both sides of the issue you bring up. I was DFed and out for 4 years- got reinstated in 2003. After being reinstated I too was not treated with love. Oh sure- some elders or some brothers and sisters will invite you out in service to do " spiritual " or acceptable witness activities but I never got invited over to fellow witnesses homes for a meal or invited to do anything in a social way outside the kingdom hall either.

    Try to understand Little Girl - Jehovah's Witnesses and the WT society talk a good talk - but they don't follow through on what they teach or walk the walk. In their recent district convention they had a drama about the " prodigal son ". O.K. They teach their members to be forgiving and treat a person with love who gets reinstated - but most of the time what they teach and then what people do are two different things. I found this out the hard way that many witnesses are hypocritical and it's all for show, not real. I'm so sorry you are finding this out as well. Please be assured of our authentic caring towards you and we really feel for what you are going through . If you ever want to talk about it or have questions on why many of us left the organization feel free to PM me or just ask us. I'd be happy to talk on the phone with you as well. Please hang in there and take care. Hope to hear more from you on the board

Share this